Isn’t it so frustrating when you’re having a great day and in a wonderful mood (rare) and then all of a sudden, you’re triggered by something silly and now you’re anxious about something that keeps coming up over and over in your mind? I feel like this might sound silly (or many not). I’m scared to share in case everyone replies and just says what a big red flag this is but I’m so sick of being anxious about this so here goes... My partner and I will have been together for 4 years this year and he’s never posted about me on social media 🤦🏼‍♀️ on one hand, I feel so stupid for worrying about this (we’re in our 30’s for goodness sake!), but on the other hand, it still makes me extremely anxious when I think about it too much. We’ve had sooo many conversations about it, because I would get really upset that he was ashamed of me or trying to hide me. He always promises that isn’t why. He feels like posting on social media is like, the highest level of commitment lol. Last time we had this conversation, he told me he would feel more comfortable proposing to me than posting online. I know he was always uncomfortable with it, even when he was married. Apparently she would post photos of them from his account and he was always super uncomfortable with it. But yeah....I thought about it again today and it just makes me feel like there’s something seriously wrong with us. His family and friends all know about me, we’re always going out in public, but it just feels strange that we don’t post online. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I want sappy posts or anything....I just want the comfort of feeling like we’re “normal” and that it’s not just a huge red flag waving over my head. Okay, I guess that’s it. Thanks for listening! If you have any opinions, please be super gentle so I don’t totally freak out 😅 thank you!!

I agree

I agree!

Thank you for the compassion. He doesn’t care to post about much of anything. He’ll usually just share a photo here and there of his car or a landscape- nothing personal. I don’t even care about him posting about me- I just want to know it’s not a red flag that he doesn’t. I know my post reads otherwise but truly I don’t care if his old high school friends from 10 years ago know i exists- I just wanted reassurance that it wasn’t a sign of a doomed relationship.

I don’t think you can see his relationship status on his profile. Mine is hidden too. I can’t explain his logic haha. I was surprised when he said that too. When he explained it, he just said he was more comfortable with the idea of proposing to me than posting a photo online. It seems I picked an avoidantly attached person for my anxious attachment style haha Last time we talked about it, I found out that apparently when he was married before, his wife had control over his social media and would post photos of them from his account, so now he has big hang ups about it. Anyway, I don’t know. Maybe it’s weird but I probably don’t need to obsess about it so much

He only posts of me at all cos I've had the argument about this with him and he'll only do it if he feels like it and I'll have to sort of remind him by saying "did you see the photo of you I posted".

Yeah I was a bit taken aback when he said that...but he’s super avoidant attachment style so maybe he has a weird hang up about social media. He just says the thought of it freaks him out, but he’s not nearly as freaked out about the idea of proposing to me...if that makes sense. It probably doesn’t. I don’t know. it made me feel better in the moment but i regret sharing it now because it just sounds weird to other people so now I’m even more anxious 😅 Apparently when he was married, he didn’t like posting photos of him and his then-wife. He says the only reason there ever were any was because she would login to his social media and post for him- which maybe explains some of his hesitations around it.... I don’t know...🤦🏼‍♀️

@Anonymous2020 But thank you for sharing. I do appreciate it! It’s helpful hearing that it’s not just me

@rewilding I think with the proposing thing, maybe it's a compliment in a way? He's comfortable with you that he can do something so personal and special (propose) whilst he's not comfortable with being personal on social media 🤔

@Anonymous2020 Thank you! That’s what I’m trying to view it as. I know it was a weird comparison for him to make, and it sounded strange to me...I’m just extra anxious now because it also sounds strange to a bunch of internet strangers 😅 trust me, I would much rather get proposed to than get a photo on Instagram haha The last time we talked about it, he also promised he wasn’t trying to hide me or was ashamed of me (that’s what I was so afraid of), and that everyone important in his life knows we are together, which is true. So I’m just trying to remember that and remind myself of that.

@Anonymous2020 What I also forgot to mention in my original post was that he doesn’t really post anything at all online. The occasional photo of his car or a landscape...but I think the last Instagram post he made was over 6 months ago. Even his son only gets a couple photos online every year....so if it helps, at least he’s not posting about everything BUT me 😅 that’s what I’m telling myself anyway hah

@rewilding Sounds like he just doesn't like to be personal on social media (which is totally normal) and is more comfortable being personal towards you directly. Internet strangers will never know your relationship like you do, so take what they (and I) say with a pinch of salt. At the end of the day, he's not ashamed of you and loves you, and it's just how he is (like many people).

@Anonymous2020 Thank you so much. I’m so grateful to you for saying that and being positive and encouraging. It really means so much to me!

@rewilding I'm glad I could help :)