Isn’t it so frustrating when you’re having a great day and in a wonderful mood (rare) and then all of a sudden, you’re triggered by something silly and now you’re anxious about something that keeps coming up over and over in your mind? I feel like this might sound silly (or many not). I’m scared to share in case everyone replies and just says what a big red flag this is but I’m so sick of being anxious about this so here goes... My partner and I will have been together for 4 years this year and he’s never posted about me on social media 🤦🏼‍♀️ on one hand, I feel so stupid for worrying about this (we’re in our 30’s for goodness sake!), but on the other hand, it still makes me extremely anxious when I think about it too much. We’ve had sooo many conversations about it, because I would get really upset that he was ashamed of me or trying to hide me. He always promises that isn’t why. He feels like posting on social media is like, the highest level of commitment lol. Last time we had this conversation, he told me he would feel more comfortable proposing to me than posting online. I know he was always uncomfortable with it, even when he was married. Apparently she would post photos of them from his account and he was always super uncomfortable with it. But yeah....I thought about it again today and it just makes me feel like there’s something seriously wrong with us. His family and friends all know about me, we’re always going out in public, but it just feels strange that we don’t post online. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I want sappy posts or anything....I just want the comfort of feeling like we’re “normal” and that it’s not just a huge red flag waving over my head. Okay, I guess that’s it. Thanks for listening! If you have any opinions, please be super gentle so I don’t totally freak out 😅 thank you!!

Hey everyone! So this week I’ve been feeling really anxious, and just overall a lot of obsessive thoughts. The majority of them being due to my boyfriend and I’s 6 month anniversary coming up. I hadn’t heard of any plans for our anniversary, so earlier this week I started dropping hints that I was going to get him a little gift. When I said this, it was kinda obvious that I blindsided him, but then he quickly responded with, “oh, I have some surprises for you too!” So after that convo, my obsessive thoughts began. Is he going to get you a gift? If he doesn’t, he’s a shitty boyfriend. How could he forget about our anniversary? Some time after though, I was able to calm down after google searching (unfortunately, I think I did give into a compulsion bc I was so upset) and realized that we never really talked about our wants or expectations. Because, basically every month we celebrate our anniversary (he is so cute lol), no gifts or anything, but he makes sure to make me feel special every month. And after calming down, im pretty sure he didn’t know that I wanted our 6 month to be extra special. So, I calmed down. And, I thought it was even more sweet that he quickly followed my suit when I said I was going to get him a little gift. But, yesterday, when we met up to hang out, he decided to bring me my gift early, and he brought me flowers. Then, my obsessive thoughts came back. I thought, really, just flowers? How could he do this? How could he not think to not make this more special? I realized pretty quickly this was the OCD talking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And the entire day, I spent the whole day being hyper critical of every single thing he said. It was so exhausting, and I feel so ashamed. Anyway, at the end of the night, he was planning what we should do for our anniversary on Friday, and before this he apologized, and said he should’ve planned our anniversary beforehand. It made me feel immediately relieved from my thoughts. But, shortly thereafter, I was still hyper obsessing about any comment he made. And then, another thought popped in, and I thought, well I actually don’t really know what he was thinking or why he didn’t think our 6 months was special. Maybe I should ask him why so that we can have a fuller conversation about it, because afterwards he apologized, I accepted his apology very quickly and told him he didn’t need to worry about it. When I was worrying about it a lot lol. But I can’t tell if asking this is giving into a compulsion. Would this convo really benefit our relationship at all? I’m scared that because of this, this is why I’ve been so hyper critical of him and why my obsessive thoughts don’t stop. But that’s probably just my OCD latching onto everything. Any advice is appreciated :)

This is just kind of a rant but any encouragement would be so much appreciated, thank you ❤️ I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is incredible, kind, funny, smart, hardworking, so so loving-just an extremely good person. In 2021 I developed or at least recognized my OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, definitely quite the list. Each of these conditions mingle with each other and make life very difficult at times. At the beginning it centered around me being a bad person but slowly grew to be relationship OCD. I have fears that I don’t really love him, I’m not actually attracted to him, I’m going to cheat on him, he doesn’t make me happy or that he would be better without me and is a better person than me. Lately I have this fear that one day not to far away he will prepose to me and I won’t be excited. Or that he will feel more for me then I do for him, or that I will have to fake my excitement. I have this vision of myself feeling nothing when he asks me and having to fake it. It’s just such a sickening thought to imagine not feeling the intense joy I always knew I would feel if he proposed to me. It’s so strange because before I had bad OCD I used to dream of that day, I would ask if he thought he might prepose to me one day and if his answer wasn’t certain enough I would feel very sad. It’s terrible because I’ll get depressed and feel nothing positive for any aspect of the world-including my relationship, but OCD will take that and twist it into me not feeling anything positive for him. Which will in turn make me feel more depressed. You ever just want to hide and pause the world for a little while so you can catch your breath? It feels like the weeks go by so slowly but still suddenly I’m nearly grown up.

This is going to be a longer post so hats off to the ones who take time to read it, luv you besties 🫶 So I’ve been struggling for the past 6 months or so with what I hope is ROCD, though I don’t know for sure because I’m not diagnosed. I really struggle sometimes because my bf is a little weird, I’m willing to fully admit that. He’s just a little hyper and goofy and different from other guys, which can be really great at times, because he doesn’t take himself so seriously that he isn’t willing to have fun, he’s willing to be open with his emotions, and he isn’t easily uncomfortable or embarrassed, and I’m not like that. I get nit-picky about those behaviours as times, but I just like to rationalize it by calling it his golden retriever energy, which I think is a cute way of looking at it. But he’s also awkward at times, there are times where he does something super weird or cringy or irritating and I can’t stop thinking about it, playing it over in my head, and it bugs me so much, and I try to rationalize it but I can’t. One thing I really struggle with, is his voice. For example, yesterday I hung out with him, and we were talking, and I was about to say something but stopped myself half way through the sentence because it was a secret I didn’t want to give away, and then he started sounding really whiny as he said “you can’t do that” “why won’t you tell me” or something like that. And it wasn’t like angry whiny, it was a little more lighthearted, but I don’t think he was being ironic or jokingly whiny, I think it was genuinely him just sounding whiny, and then all of a sudden mid sentence he cut back to a regular voice. It made the whole thing just sound really cringy and not very masculine, like he was poorly acting, but I know he wasn’t, it was all genuine, just really cringey. And I can’t stop playing it over and over in my head, trying to make sense of it, trying to make myself feel better about the whole situation rather than uncomfortable. I do that with a lot of things that he does tho, even normal things, but I especially have a hard time with his voice and his vocal inflections and idiosyncrasies and the way he sounds in certain situations, literally every little thing. I obsess over whether he sounds/acts masculine enough and normal enough, I keep picking apart every time he sounds whiny, whether he’s actually whining or not, sometimes his voice just sounds whiny because he has a higher pitched voice and he can’t really change it. I pick apart his voice when he laughs about something, or when he sounds excited or happy. I pick apart his voice when he tells stories. I can’t stop, and it makes it super difficult to be present in conversations. Idk if it’s ROCD, because he does genuinely do odd things that make me cringy and bug me from time to time, sometimes even things that are a bit of a turn off, but I think I get so carried away that it becomes way bigger than it needs to be. Is it ok, even if I didn’t have ROCD, to find things that he does weird, cringy, annoying, a turn off, etc? Sometimes it genuinely feels like the “ick” (I hate that term so much). Is it normal, even in regular relationships, to experience this “ick” feeling? Everyone seems to say that when you like someone, nothing they do is weird or cringy to you, you never get the ick, and if you do then it’s times to move on. But I’ve also heard others say that it’s not about them being perfect or not having any Icks at all, it’s about loving them enough to look past the Icks and not focus on the cringy things they do. Is this true? If so, then how can I do this? The other day he told me he loves being with me because he feels like he can genuinely be himself without judgement, but little does he know that all my brain is ever doing is picking him apart and judging everything he says or does, and that’s not fair to him. He is such an amazing person, and he deserves so much better than me.