Isn’t it so frustrating when you’re having a great day and in a wonderful mood (rare) and then all of a sudden, you’re triggered by something silly and now you’re anxious about something that keeps coming up over and over in your mind? I feel like this might sound silly (or many not). I’m scared to share in case everyone replies and just says what a big red flag this is but I’m so sick of being anxious about this so here goes... My partner and I will have been together for 4 years this year and he’s never posted about me on social media 🤦🏼‍♀️ on one hand, I feel so stupid for worrying about this (we’re in our 30’s for goodness sake!), but on the other hand, it still makes me extremely anxious when I think about it too much. We’ve had sooo many conversations about it, because I would get really upset that he was ashamed of me or trying to hide me. He always promises that isn’t why. He feels like posting on social media is like, the highest level of commitment lol. Last time we had this conversation, he told me he would feel more comfortable proposing to me than posting online. I know he was always uncomfortable with it, even when he was married. Apparently she would post photos of them from his account and he was always super uncomfortable with it. But yeah....I thought about it again today and it just makes me feel like there’s something seriously wrong with us. His family and friends all know about me, we’re always going out in public, but it just feels strange that we don’t post online. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I want sappy posts or anything....I just want the comfort of feeling like we’re “normal” and that it’s not just a huge red flag waving over my head. Okay, I guess that’s it. Thanks for listening! If you have any opinions, please be super gentle so I don’t totally freak out 😅 thank you!!

Hi all. I’m writing this because I can’t stop spiraling and I don’t know who to talk to without feeling judged. I (27F) have OCD, so emotional safety and perceived red flags are something I hyper-analyze. My boyfriend (24M) and I are in a long-distance relationship, Im just on vacation right now . We’ve had our ups and downs, but overall, it’s a loving connection. That’s why this particular moment is bothering me so much. Last night, we were on a video call, flirting. At one point I said, “Go to the bathroom first,” before things got more intimate (he has a roommate and wanted privacy). After a few minutes, he came back and said, “Okay I’m alone.” But I hesitated. I was acting playfully shy and holding back. That’s when he said something like, “You said if I went to the bathroom, you’d show me something. This isn’t my (my name)—she’s not shy with me.” He said it smiling, and I was smiling too, but later it started to gnaw at me. My OCD kicked in. I started spiraling: Did that cross a line? Was that pressuring? I brought it up to him, and while he tried to be supportive, I could tell he was caught off guard. He said something like, “I’m trying my best to support you, but I feel sad that you would think I’d ever pressure you like that.” And then, in what he admitted later was a “dumb joke,” he said: “I’m not like your dad—I won’t get mad if you say no or disagree with something.” (For context: I’ve told him before about my father’s anger issues from my childhood. It’s a very sensitive topic.) I got upset and told him never to bring my father into things like that. He immediately apologized and said, “I realized it right after—that the thing I said as a joke to get you out of overthinking was serious. I’m so sorry again, and I feel really bad right now. I respect you and I respect everyone in your family.” After that, he was very gentle. We stayed on the call for a while longer, I felt heard, and we ended things with “I love you.” But today I still feel emotionally sore. Not because I think he’s abusive or manipulative—he isn’t—but because I felt something shift. He saw me cry like that for the first time, and now I feel exposed and over-analytical. My OCD brain is stuck on what if this was a red flag? Even though he apologized and explained himself, I still feel unsettled. What’s making it harder is that I haven’t even told my best friend. I usually tell her everything, but I’m scared to bring this up. I know she already has reservations about him (she’s very protective of me), and I feel like if I share this, she’ll just add it to the “reasons he’s not right for you” list. But I don’t want her judgment—I want clarity. I’m scared that sharing it will make things worse instead of better, and that’s an isolating feeling. I want this relationship to work. I don’t usually cry like that in front of people. I don’t usually feel safe enough to. And he did show up in the end. But now I don’t know how to trust myself—is this a moment to work through together, or am I ignoring something important? Would love some kind, grounded perspective. Thanks for reading.

So this is my second post of the day and before I post this I’m not looking for reassurance just feeling very fearful about this situation and need to vent. Sometimes my false memory ocd gets so bad I have to download past data of any apps on social media to make sure I didn’t do anything and even then it doesn’t help. I did that with my Snapchat data and I saw that I had someone from a very toxic and past relationship on my snap that I remembered I had deleted a couple weeks after my boyfriend and I started dating. I didn’t notice it until I recently had the compulsion to go recheck all the data I downloaded to make sure. When I saw the date I deleted them and that it was a couple weeks after my boyfriend and I got together, I felt my face get hot, I started tearing up and I started freaking out. And then of course my thoughts started rolling in “What if you deleted them because you texted them and did it to make sure your boyfriend didn’t see?” Or “What if you still had their number in your phone and texted them?” Etc. etc. I felt horrible after I noticed that he was still on my snap, I know I forgot because I was only focused on my boyfriend and I spending time together, and I don’t hardly ever use Snapchat in general so I just basically leave the app alone and such. I’m just so worried now and It’s bothering me. I also experienced a thought like “What if I knew he was still on there and I kept him on there on purpose?” I can’t deal with these thoughts anymore, they’re so exhausting, and the fact that I even have these thoughts and they always try to attack my relationship just makes me so mad and upset.

My rocd has been very bad the last few months and I’ve been questions my boyfriend a lot. A lot of the things he has told me haven’t really made any sense, they’re minor things but still. Anyway, he talked to this girl briefly for like 2 months 2 years ago. They were just friends but he said she played with his feelings and was weird so he stopped being friends with her. She was irrelevant most of our relationship until some months ago when I saw her in his suggestions. She never had an instagram account before. I started staking her profile a lot and becoming really insecure. I’d always bring her up and question if he had liked her in the past or if he looks at her insta. Anyway, he went to a birthday party a few months ago which I knew she’d be at and it made me uncomfortable. I think I was being controlling though, I just didn’t want him talking to her or something. He said he wasn’t around her at all that night and that was that. I know one of his girl friends probably posts her sometimes though so I’m scared he found her pretty and starting talking to her again. I keep looking at her socials and I don’t know why. I want to be her so bad, she’s literally perfect. I feel like she’s the kind of girl anyone would find attractive no matter what their type is. She also listens to the same exact music as my boyfriend and is like niche I guess idk, unique. I know I shouldn’t have constantly brought her up for no reason but I’m just so incredibly insecure. I brought her up last week after I had saw a post she made. I was just questioning my bf again. Like 7 hours later he had listened to the same exact song she posted on her story which was beetles by aphex twin. That song isn’t popular at all and he had never listened to it before and it wasn’t on any of his playlists. I started questioning him and he first told me he saw it in a TikTok edit. I asked him to find the edit but he couldn’t so he then said it must’ve been instagram or YouTube. That song literally has like 100 posts on each social media platform and that’s it. He told me what the edit was about but couldn’t remember where he had seen it. He couldn’t find the video on insta or YouTube either so then he said maybe he saw it somewhere else but he was sure he had saw it. He said maybe it wasn’t an edit. I said “you literally told me exactly what happened in the edit though” so then he said he was sure it was an edit but he couldn’t find it. It turned into this huge thing and we’ve been arguing for a few days. He SWEARS he didn’t look at her profile and we had a long discussion about why he doesn’t like her and all this stuff. He showed me her blocked contact. There was a girl right above her who my boyfriend had told me he only deleted, not blocked. She wasn’t anyone concerning but I literally asked him multiple times if she had ever texted him since he told me she wasn’t blocked. My mom was also blocked and then a random number and some team lead he worked with at seaworld who he apparently reached out to for help with his enlistment process. I’m scared he just blocked a bunch of random numbers to make it look like she had been blocked for a while if that makes sense. He also calls her grace instead of Gracie sometimes. At first he said it was just a typo but then he did it over call. Her real name is grace, he said he doesn’t switch between the two on purpose. She also only takes her account off of private when she posts herself on her story idk if that’s weird. My boyfriend and I finally talked everything out and I was calmed down. He had always told me in the past that he’d give me all of his socials. We’re long distance so he can’t just show me his phone. I asked for his insta password today to just see if he actually would since I’d always decline. At first he said yes but then he said no and that it was an invasion of privacy. He told me he didn’t want me to start overthinking and arguing with him over nothing which I always do bc of my rocd. He said he’s been really stressed (he has) and wants to avoid arguments. He said if I didn’t question him about every little thing then he would have. He also said there’s things he talks about with his family and best friend that are private, we’ve been together for 2 years btw and we were planning on moving in together next month. He said we could call tonight and he’d screen record and go through his profile. I just feel like he’s hiding things from me. I’ve had a horrible gut feeling for the past like week and I’ve felt sick (also on my period). Well the gut feeling has been there but the sickness started this week and I can’t eat. He said I shouldn’t need his passwords and it’s immature. On social media I see the opposite and a lot of people say your partner should be able to have your passwords especially if you’ve been together for a while and it’s a serious committed relationship. We’ve been intimate together but he has things that he doesn’t want me to see. He’s seen my body and I’ve seen his but passwords is an invasion of privacy? I just feel really sick. He has been cheated on before and his mother was too so I never thought he could do that to me and he always expressed that he couldn’t. I never doubted him the months we weren’t long distance or the beginning of long distance but I don’t know this version of him. I love him so much though and I don’t want to be loved by anyone else, I’m just scared I’m oblivious to what’s actually going on.