- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You have literally described my exact experience too with how this all started for me. I also completely understand your worry about not being understood by a therapist, I also live in a country where there is little understanding of mental health, especially complex issues like OCD. But I think the next step for you is to try and get a diagnosis. Look for therapists that do CBT, ERP, ACT and say they can deal with OCD. You can also try teletherapy if theres no appropriate therapists where you live. For now, it would be good to educate yourself on how OCD works - I recommend the made of millions website and this app too (theres blogs on the website). Hang in there, so many of us struggle with this you can live a happy life still ❤
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much girls! I hope I will stop thinking about it all the time and go with my life, I hope we will recover soon ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
I hope so too! Keep your head up and held high! Always here if you need a chat :)
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand how distressing this can be, I also have this theme. I was the same as you, always loved boys and never questioned my sexuality at all unt this theme. My biggest fear is that I’ll never like boys again too, and I also have the whole “nothing brings me joy” thing. It’s all so distressing, so know you’re not alone. Past upsetting and traumatic experiences can very much effect us later on in life, I myself have been effected by things which I believe has led to develop all these anxiety disorders. With this theme the past way to overcome it is to accept uncertainty, as we will never get an answer as there’s no medical test or scan we can get done to tell us our sexuality haha. There’s a possibility that all of our thoughts will come true/ are true, but there’s also an equal possibility that they’re aren’t true/ won’t come true. It’s hard to accept the uncertainty and will take time, but make sure you’re cutting out compulsions (Googling, asking for reassurance etc) as that’s the first step! :) You’re so strong and brave ✨
- Date posted
- 4y
Best* not past
- Date posted
- 4y
I know that I should accept it and say to my self “so what if it’s true”, but I just don’t want to be with girl, i want my old self to come back. I think that even tho I would try to be with girl to figure it out I will be still anxious because I think it’s not truly what I want. But the whole thing stressed me so much that I can’t breathe and I feel like my heart is squeezed
- Date posted
- 4y
@Adaa I feel the EXACT same way! I try so hard to say “whatever” but my chest feels so tight all the time, I try to do erp but I get so scared! I guess it’s going to take us time, and that’s okay
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 11w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 10w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
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