- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You have literally described my exact experience too with how this all started for me. I also completely understand your worry about not being understood by a therapist, I also live in a country where there is little understanding of mental health, especially complex issues like OCD. But I think the next step for you is to try and get a diagnosis. Look for therapists that do CBT, ERP, ACT and say they can deal with OCD. You can also try teletherapy if theres no appropriate therapists where you live. For now, it would be good to educate yourself on how OCD works - I recommend the made of millions website and this app too (theres blogs on the website). Hang in there, so many of us struggle with this you can live a happy life still ❤
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much girls! I hope I will stop thinking about it all the time and go with my life, I hope we will recover soon ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
I hope so too! Keep your head up and held high! Always here if you need a chat :)
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand how distressing this can be, I also have this theme. I was the same as you, always loved boys and never questioned my sexuality at all unt this theme. My biggest fear is that I’ll never like boys again too, and I also have the whole “nothing brings me joy” thing. It’s all so distressing, so know you’re not alone. Past upsetting and traumatic experiences can very much effect us later on in life, I myself have been effected by things which I believe has led to develop all these anxiety disorders. With this theme the past way to overcome it is to accept uncertainty, as we will never get an answer as there’s no medical test or scan we can get done to tell us our sexuality haha. There’s a possibility that all of our thoughts will come true/ are true, but there’s also an equal possibility that they’re aren’t true/ won’t come true. It’s hard to accept the uncertainty and will take time, but make sure you’re cutting out compulsions (Googling, asking for reassurance etc) as that’s the first step! :) You’re so strong and brave ✨
- Date posted
- 4y
Best* not past
- Date posted
- 4y
I know that I should accept it and say to my self “so what if it’s true”, but I just don’t want to be with girl, i want my old self to come back. I think that even tho I would try to be with girl to figure it out I will be still anxious because I think it’s not truly what I want. But the whole thing stressed me so much that I can’t breathe and I feel like my heart is squeezed
- Date posted
- 4y
@Adaa I feel the EXACT same way! I try so hard to say “whatever” but my chest feels so tight all the time, I try to do erp but I get so scared! I guess it’s going to take us time, and that’s okay
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
- Date posted
- 18w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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