- Username
- Will Orso
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Whenever I’m doing well, (in remission) I worry about it coming up again. I’m always on my toes
My therapist once said “progress is not linear” - I feel like two steps fwd eight steps back sometimes. But actually if I reflect on myself in my last relationship before I started treatment I was a fucking mess of rituals all day everyday. So I’ve made progress it’s just that my brain sometimes tricks me into thinking I’m not doing good enough or not made progress at all. I think I also had high hopes for erp being way more impactful but I think the reality of this disease is that it’s so complex and there are so many things that are embedded as rituals that we may not even be aware of that we could still unwittingly be holding ourselves back despite all the hard work...
I’m having that kind of day too. I’m constantly checking on my brain to see if the OCD is going to flare up or not, and wonder why things aren’t bothering me! Haha so when I’m not anxious I start to get anxious about it coming back or why I’m not anxious (and how to keep it that way) and then when I am anxious I just am anxious so basically I’m always anxious about something ??♀️
Yep. That’s the kind of day I’m having after feeling awful for a week straight. I hate the highs and lows so much. Every time I think I’m doing better I have a setback.
P how long did you do ERP for?
I’m still doing ERP - far from managed but progress - I’ve been in therapy a year now and starting to reach the upper echelons of my hierarchy - I’m fighting these ERP sessions hard, I just don’t want to do them. So my progress is stalled a lot and slow it feels like. Plus like I said, I think a lot more complex than me or my therapist realize. Like you uncover one rock and have another “oh shit there’s more?” Moment
I'm worrying that my ocd hasn't been as severe recently. The anxiety and thoughts have decreased and I'm not obsessing as much. I think this is because of medication and learning tactics to fight ocd effectively. But as I said I'm worrying that my ocd isn't as severe and I fear I don't have ocd at all despite diagnosis. Anybody else experience this?
My OCD from early last year came back, the good news is that it’s not as big as last year but it’s still the same bad feeling but only affecting me one specific thing and not multiple stuff like last year. It’s crazy cause I can’t really remember how I gain control over my ocd last year, I just did.. and I wanna do it again, my only fear is that if I don’t do something to gain control of it, it might start affecting multiple stuff in my head slowly again and I don’t want that.
sometimes it feels like if i talk about my ocd stuff to my therapist especially about when it was at its worst then i get stuck on how bad it was and scared it will get that bad again and then it scares me it could happen now right when ive been feeling better than i have in a long time like honestly on my drive home i was like oh god and i have to just go maybe you will maybe you wont i also think my ocd gets worse when i pms so thats a factor but yeah the fear of ocd taking me down again becomes its own theme and then its like your mind starts thinking of thoughts it hasnt in a long time on purpose or something very annoying
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