Currently not feeling the OCD as strongly, but having bad feelings when thinking back on moments where it flared up. i'm really scared i'll get like that again and i don't want to

Whenever I’m doing well, (in remission) I worry about it coming up again. I’m always on my toes

My therapist once said “progress is not linear” - I feel like two steps fwd eight steps back sometimes. But actually if I reflect on myself in my last relationship before I started treatment I was a fucking mess of rituals all day everyday. So I’ve made progress it’s just that my brain sometimes tricks me into thinking I’m not doing good enough or not made progress at all. I think I also had high hopes for erp being way more impactful but I think the reality of this disease is that it’s so complex and there are so many things that are embedded as rituals that we may not even be aware of that we could still unwittingly be holding ourselves back despite all the hard work...

I’m having that kind of day too. I’m constantly checking on my brain to see if the OCD is going to flare up or not, and wonder why things aren’t bothering me! Haha so when I’m not anxious I start to get anxious about it coming back or why I’m not anxious (and how to keep it that way) and then when I am anxious I just am anxious so basically I’m always anxious about something ??‍♀️

Yep. That’s the kind of day I’m having after feeling awful for a week straight. I hate the highs and lows so much. Every time I think I’m doing better I have a setback.

P how long did you do ERP for?

I’m still doing ERP - far from managed but progress - I’ve been in therapy a year now and starting to reach the upper echelons of my hierarchy - I’m fighting these ERP sessions hard, I just don’t want to do them. So my progress is stalled a lot and slow it feels like. Plus like I said, I think a lot more complex than me or my therapist realize. Like you uncover one rock and have another “oh shit there’s more?” Moment