- Username
- Will Orso
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Whenever I’m doing well, (in remission) I worry about it coming up again. I’m always on my toes
My therapist once said “progress is not linear” - I feel like two steps fwd eight steps back sometimes. But actually if I reflect on myself in my last relationship before I started treatment I was a fucking mess of rituals all day everyday. So I’ve made progress it’s just that my brain sometimes tricks me into thinking I’m not doing good enough or not made progress at all. I think I also had high hopes for erp being way more impactful but I think the reality of this disease is that it’s so complex and there are so many things that are embedded as rituals that we may not even be aware of that we could still unwittingly be holding ourselves back despite all the hard work...
I’m having that kind of day too. I’m constantly checking on my brain to see if the OCD is going to flare up or not, and wonder why things aren’t bothering me! Haha so when I’m not anxious I start to get anxious about it coming back or why I’m not anxious (and how to keep it that way) and then when I am anxious I just am anxious so basically I’m always anxious about something ??♀️
Yep. That’s the kind of day I’m having after feeling awful for a week straight. I hate the highs and lows so much. Every time I think I’m doing better I have a setback.
P how long did you do ERP for?
I’m still doing ERP - far from managed but progress - I’ve been in therapy a year now and starting to reach the upper echelons of my hierarchy - I’m fighting these ERP sessions hard, I just don’t want to do them. So my progress is stalled a lot and slow it feels like. Plus like I said, I think a lot more complex than me or my therapist realize. Like you uncover one rock and have another “oh shit there’s more?” Moment
Hey guys so I suffer from Harm OCD and thoughts about violently harming other and today I’ve been having super minimal thoughts . I had such horrible intrusive thoughts that it feels weird. I’m in constant fear that the thought will come back randomly and the urges will come back stronger than ever. And I’ll actually commit to my urges and act out on them. Like I still Feel weird because even though I don’t have anxiety ... the killer thoughts are in the back of my head. I gueninly don’t dee normal Anymore.
Sometimes I worry that I don’t have ocd and that I’m losing my mind and that I’ll never feel better again. I was starting to feel really good last night and I thought it was finally over so I went ahead and did a lot of the stuff I enjoyed doing before this happened (the reason I had to stop was because certain things were triggering in either one way or another) but eventually I hit a point where I just could not bring myself to do something because it was causing too much anxiety. I got this horrible image last night in a dream and then I began to get a flurry of bothersome thoughts, so now I have 2 obsessions to worry about now. The first one is kind of in control but I’m just afraid what’s going to happen to my brain and I’m worried about having an episode in front of my family, who I’m supposed to be having a small dinner with today. I don’t want to tell them what’s going on but I’m afraid they’ll notice that I’m not well. I’m never present because I’m always in my head analyzing and ruminating and worrying. The feeling last night gave me hope that I could be myself again but I just worry that these thoughts will always linger and make me lose my mind. :(
My OCD from early last year came back, the good news is that it’s not as big as last year but it’s still the same bad feeling but only affecting me one specific thing and not multiple stuff like last year. It’s crazy cause I can’t really remember how I gain control over my ocd last year, I just did.. and I wanna do it again, my only fear is that if I don’t do something to gain control of it, it might start affecting multiple stuff in my head slowly again and I don’t want that.
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