If anyone could provide ideas as to how this feels - PLEASE DO. I'm battling mutile compulsive behaviors and my heart rate has skyrocketed.
It definitely sounds like you're in the middle of an OCD cycle. Many of us on this site, myself included and very recently, have been where you are. Let me start by assuring you that the things you're worrying about aren't real, it's OCD feeding on your greatest fears and insecurities. I think you already know this but when you're deep in it, there's no thinking your way out of it. In fact, the way out is to not think at all. Second, you will be fine! At this point, it might be a minute by minute process but be as patient as you can with yourself. If you're like many of us, it took a long time to get to this tricky point and it's going to take time and work to get out of it but it is worth it and you are strong enough. OCD plants uncertainty in your mind and then feeds off of your inability to accept uncertainty. The ERP therapy you get through this site teaches you how to accept uncertainty; that's what takes the anxiety away. Until then, it's okay to feel confused and helpless so show yourself some compassion - you deserve it! If you need to, use the S.O.S. feature on the app and know that you're not alone in this.