Reverse HOCD? (TMI warning) I see people talking about their experiences with Homosexual OCD all the time. But I know for a fact I like the same gender and sometimes I’ll get intrusive thoughts about heterosexuality. I’m currently incurious but when I think about whether I’d be sexually attracted to men or not I get intrusive thoughts. I know transwomen can have AMAB anatomy but I get intrusive thoughts about said anatomy and the images I get in my head disgust me. It makes me feel guilty because it makes me feel like I’m transphobic even though I know the only reason I’m so disgusted by it is the spermatophobia caused by my contamination OCD. I’ve felt this way about AMAB anatomy since I was 12 but I never met anyone else who felt the same. So I always feel like there’s something wrong with me because even most lesbians don’t get grossed out by simple biology. Does anyone else struggle with this? I also worry that I’m only questioning my sexuality because I can’t stand my parents homophobia and I don’t like conforming to authority and that that’s the only reason I identify as gay and not bi, pan, etc. even though I know it’s completely irrational.

It’s not that I’m only into Afab women but rather to put it bluntly, dick freaks me out. Like I know there’s more than one way to *ahem* “do what lovers do” if you will. But my ocd causes me to panic so much that when I think about it I get contamination obsessions. I don’t want to be so disgusted by anatomy and nature because it’s perfectly normal. But I am.

I completely understand the aversion. You may have to work on exposures in regards specifically to the contamination aspect of it since it seems to be that and not the dick. I cant say wether youll like it or not coming out the other side, because thats not for me to decide, but however you sort yourself afterwards i dont think of you as a transphobe. Just a human with ocd.

I suffer from a similar thing I’m bisexual so I’m attracted to men but sometimes the idea of a penis makes me feel disgusted and I think maybe I’m a lesbian. It doesn’t happen the other way round because I’m biologically female but I do sometimes wonder if I’m just straight because I’m not particularly attracted to women at the time. It can be really confusing.

Youre not transphobic. Im a trans guy going through the same thing. Im not into vagina, period. Im just not, but I also have sexual orientation ocd. Look, i get it, people have parts preferences. It happens. But i cannot get sexually responsive to vaginas unless i force it. Like REALLY force it and even then its just the stimulation of it with no arousal. Ocd is a nasty bastard, and itll do whatever it can to convince you. I know for a fact i only romantically and sexually respond to men, but ive had a bad past with relationships and a friend group that shames anyone whos attracted to men at all. Ive liked men since i was a kid, but my mind is telling me to "just give up and be a lesbian". I know im not. Ive tried so many times, compulsively, to get off to women because the thoughts are SO convincing. You are who you are. If youre only into dfab people, or hell even just cis women i get you. I understand. Youre human not a robot. We all are. Im here for you, youre valid, and certainly not alone.