I went through a bad break up two years ago and started putting pressure on myself to have sex. I ended up having a couple experiences of getting so anxious and in my head that I couldn't get an erection. The past year and a half has been a constant battle with intrusive thoughts over whether I am impotent, whether I even like sex, and whether I'm even attracted to women. All of which I know are false worries but I just replay them over and over. Any advice?

I’m looking for others out there that might be similar to me. I was 25(m), infatuated with a new gf. I had a performance issue. Next morning I woke up with the FEELING that “you don’t feel anything for this girl”. And the anxiety that came with it. I felt sick to my core. Enter 3-6 months of obsessively figuring out why. It made no sense. I was infatuated with this girl, I was so happy, so confident, I could see such an awesome future with her. But once the feeling of “you feel nothing for her” stuck, I felt I had to break up. But why? During this 3-6 months it felt like I lost all positive feelings, like I could no longer be attracted to women (or anything). Nothing mattered except figuring out why I had lost feeling? I remember thinking it wasn’t fair that I’d been robbed of my ability to be happy and to love. Googling everything, asking friends etc. it consumed my every waking hour. During my obsessing, I had this random question - “are you actually gay?” Enter obsessively figuring out wether I was actually gay. I was 26. I had never even considered I was gay. I think I had crushes on girls, I certainly fantasised about them and was much more shy around them than guys. Put simply - I had never thought of a guy as anything other than a mate. This obsession changed to kind of “I FEEL gay”. It was/is like deep down I believe I am gay, despite never seemingly being attracted to guys before. I’m now 35 and this same obsession has been with me on and off. I’m now seeking treatment. Question - most of the online resources call out that ‘deep down’ you know you’re not gay. What if deep down there is a FEELING like you are? Can an obsession be a feeling? Can HOCD convince you that you ARE gay rather than just question? I’d love to hear anyone similar.

I was 26. Seemingly normal (albeit) anxious man. Was with a newish gf. Seemingly at the same time I had some performance issues, I had the thought come in “you don’t feel anything for her” Instant loss of libido, instant loss of every emotion except pure dread/anxiety. It consumed me - the why? It was like I was being forced to feel something I didn’t want? And I couldn’t stop it. In my obsessive search for ‘why’ the thought changed to ‘am I gay?’ And exactly the same dread/anxiety overcome me. For months. My life became just solely focussed on ‘where is my attraction to women gone?’ ‘Searching my past for proof’ ‘checking my emotions’ ‘googling’ ‘figuring out how?’ ‘Was this true?’ I’m now 36. I’m married and have a young son. But my life has again been consumed by this. It’s like my mind seeks evidence to prove something I don’t want to be. And it’s so all consuming and all questioning that it feels like I actually want it? It gets so bad that I’ll even doubt I find it distressing and that I’m just making it up so I don’t have to tell my wife :/ It’s so distressing. Up until this thought came in, I never had to question what I wanted. I just knew I liked thinking about girls. I wanted to be close to them. There was never a thought about a guy? Doesn’t that mean I’m straight? Surely by 26, there would have been some incling of physical or romantic attraction to a man? But I’ve never felt the same since that day 10 years ago. It’s like I’ve lost the ability to feel happiness and to feel libido and attraction. Almost like I’m unable to until I figure it out? I’ve been diagnosed twice by psychologists. But it ‘feels’ like I don’t agree with them or I doubt it. My psych has been pushing me to practice response prevention. Sit with the anxiety of how real it feels. Accept it may be true and sit with the anxiety that causes. Ground myself in moments. The anxiety is so consuming. And I’ll go 3-4 days without looking for reassurance, ruminating, checking, but then it’s like a ‘feeling’ of ‘this is true, you know it’ and it destroys me. I panic, give in, and seem to compulse. Does this resonate with anyone? Is it still not getting any better after years because I keep doing the compulsions? Or am I just a gay person who didn’t realise till later in life and found out through losing feelings for my gf? Please help

From what I’ve seen from quite a few people on here and Reddit, dealing with intrusive thoughts during “private” time seems to be something i and many others sadly deal with. I’ve “sort of” gotten used to it but I wish I can enjoy myself sexually the way I used to before these thoughts took over my mind. It’s literally what started the POCD obsession for me in the first place, and why it’s so hard to believe it’s OCD when these thoughts are so prevalent when I’m engaging in something sexual. I always feel reluctant to actually do the deed sometimes cause of how present the thoughts are before I do it but I force myself to cause avoiding it isn’t gonna help. And honestly, I just want to get it over with before my sex drive and these thoughts clash and make it infinitely worse. I try my best to focus on what I know I want (gay porn) but it’s like windshield wipers during a storm. I see clearly for like 5 seconds then boom there’s something that shouldn’t be there and I have to stop. Over and over again. It’s even worse when I finish and it finds its way back on mind when it should be the last thing on it at such a moment. I can’t believe the one thing I used as a stress reliever is now something that cause me nothing but stress.