- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
That's like the least helpful advice I've ever heard. If I wanted some kind of Christian abstinence advice, I'd go see a priest.
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m glad you understand this!!!! That whole sex outside of marriage is bad/unhealthy etc can be very damaging. Ask me how I know 😳 It can fuck you up mentally. Now onto your post. Are you doing therapy yet? Anxiety can really mess with uour libido and also, trying to force yourself to have sex is likely to backfire, as you have seen. Be patient with yourself. If you haven’t done any of the community groups definitely join some of those. You are not alone
- Date posted
- 4y
Hi - I’m also a Christian and going through my own questioning of sexual-related Christian doctrine alongside scrupulosity ocd and am also questioning if im on the asexual spectrum etc. lol BUT i can empathize that intrusive thoughts and anxieties of all kinds suck a lot and are completely valid. I think knowing when you are doing things because you want to vs because ocd is telling you to and recognizing that some thoughts are just ocd trying to get to you are good first steps. Then you can tell the ocd to shut up when the thoughts start to play and see it as separate from you. That has helped me with some of my obsessions. My therapist also has me write “narratives” about my fear (basically writing the worst case scenario) and exposing myself to that story until it holds less power. Hope that helps maybe. Prayers that you will find comfort peace and wisdom in the midst of all you are going through. It can be so hard but just being on this app I know you are getting where your going :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Sex outside of marriage can create all sorts of problems; so my advice would be to wait. But anyways even if you don’t listen to that, I would say that relationships are not about sex; it shouldn’t be the focus. Also, if you are having intrusive worries that can certainly affect your ability to have an erection because you’re focused on your own worries rather than your love for the other person. Maybe ERP would be to just accept that you may never get better, but I think you will eventually, but if you accept that then maybe you will not be so worried when the thoughts come in.
- Date posted
- 4y
There is more to sex than penetration, but many men have worries about performance. Definitely work with a therapist on your exposure hierarchy.for this. The theme doesn’t matter so much - all OCD can be treated with ERP.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 10w
This is going to be long and all over the place. To give some context I’ve dealt with SOOCD for a long time now and it had very bad effects on my past relationship. I had a hard time being intimate with my past partner because I was always subconsciously checking if I was getting aroused enough, if I was attracted to him, if I truly liked him, or if I was lying to myself (yk the whole deal). I literally felt nothing but anxiety when we did things which made everything worse. I was also extremely depressed which made my libido and attraction towards men completely vanish (still have low libido and my attraction is kinda the same). Me and the guy broke up and a couple years ago we reconnected. When I saw him again I was extremely attracted to him, romantically and sexually. This made me so happy because I finally felt some confirmation that I knew who I was and my thoughts weren’t real after years of being tortured by them. We didn’t end up lasting because my feelings started to shift but I truly blame that on the fact that it was just a dumb old high school relationship, he was a terrible boyfriend in the past, and we had nothing in common. However while we were together, I had dealt with really bad relationship anxiety. I found other people attractive which gave me reassurance, but also made spiral because I thought it meant I didn’t like him anymore, I was lying to myself about my feelings, and I questioned everything about the relationship. Fast forward to now, I am now in a new relationship and I’ve known this guy for a long time. I developed a crush on him which again made me really happy bc I haven’t had a crush in a VERY long time. I made a couple of posts on here about how I started to overthink everything (pls read those to get more context I don’t want to make this even longer). I started to get really anxious and had more intrusive thoughts about lying to myself about my feelings/and sexuality, not really liking him, not being attracted to him, yk all that. I was able to manage it by watching a video about rumination where the guy basically just said “stop thinking about it.” He said to just let it float there, don’t engage with it, don’t try to solve or understand, don’t try to replace it, don’t say a mantra, don’t be mindful, just let it be there and move on. I also went on reddit and this guy said to stop hyper focusing on the attraction/ the “right” feelings bc the more you try to look for them the less you will feel it. Anyways, I took the advice and the next time we hung out I felt comfortable and just so much better. It was the sweetest date and I truly had a fun time. However, when we kissed I immediately started over analyzing and questioning everything. I had bad experiences with my ex because I kept trying to analyze my feelings like do I really like this kiss? Am I actually attracted to him? Why am I not feeling super excited right now? Why did all these good feelings just go away? It was so annoying and heartbreaking for me because I just want to be normal, I want to truly enjoy this relationship. I want to stop automatically checking and over thinking everything. We’ve discussed sexual things and it automatically made me hyper analyze everything making me feel more anxious and unsure about the relationship and my sexuality. There have been times where we talked about them and I’ve thought about it with no worry, and I even got turned on by it (tmi i’m sorry). But I’m worried that I’ll have the same bad experiences I did with my ex and it’ll ruin how I view the everything. I was so excited for this but now I feel so scared and anxious again. I really want to enjoy this, he’s truly an amazing person and I want to be with him without being bombarded by this shit 😭. Sorry if none of this made sense. Please give me advice if you have any!!!!
- Date posted
- 5w
I have been going through Hocd for a year now, started when I got an std off a girl and I gained aload of anxiety off this scared that other girls would see me as disgusting. Then when I got it sorted out after 3 months, I tried with a girl and condoms made me soft so I struggled to keep hard and I asked the question in my head does this make me gay. Then next a girl asked me it when I didn’t stay hard. This really messed with my head because all up the years my biggest hate would to be gay as I love being straight and I clearly was but this really messed with my head. Stupid things like not being able to listen to male artists and hyper awareness of bodily functions, did I think someone was goodlooking of the opposite gender, do I want to kiss them. I’d get an increased feeling of anxiety I wouldn’t want to but my head because of this would be like do I. I have a girlfriend at the moment and I always get hard with her when I’m with her I know how I feel and everything but the Hocd really affected my head I did a lot of compulsions and lots of reassurance seeking at the start. A lot of irrational thoughts come into my head. I want to be normal for my girlfirnd because I really do love her and I can tell when I’m out of my head that I’m attracted to women ofc I get the oh am I lying to myself and all this stuff. Any tips on how to help with this?
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