- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hey friend, this is my main theme. It’s really really difficult at first. I have a couple of memories where I felt like I was being a little flirtatious and also upfront let someone know I was attracted to them but that we needed to have boundaries because I was in a relationship. I truly did not think anything of it at the time and know I just wanted validation and had no bad intentions. A few months later I started freaking the fuck out and confessing in detail many different memories that started to pop up to my fiancé. He didn’t love hearing it all but understood that I’m a human being and that we are going to sometimes say and do things we wouldn’t say again or do again. I started experiencing a lot of false memories as well that I felt were equivalent to cheating. They have finally started to drift away once I stopped paying attention to them, stop trying to figure them out, and just trusting myself even though I could be wrong. I did the same- cheated in high school and was harrassed on Facebook for it and experienced a lot of shame- now I’m like hypervigilant about it.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Also wanted to add- do NOT confess. It makes it so much worse and creates and endless cycle.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Maybe,MaybeNot Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I completely agree - confessing is a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Maybe,MaybeNot I really really wish I read this before I actually did confess. For some reason, confessing makes me feel so much better because I cannot keep any thoughts or anything from my now husband. I am always honest with him and hate lying to him. OCD is terrible. I wish you get better. My last theme was false memory where I had “past memories that I touched a baby innapropriately”. It just felt so real. My husband is now getting to be more and more understanding with my anxiety. I know it is hard for him to hear it all, but I hate to keep things from him as he is my other half. Thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it so much.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
We were all young and naive once, but we learn from those mistakes. I sent nudes to another guy while dating a guy 3 yrs older than me when I was 14/15. I thought nothing of it at the time.. and now it haunts me to this day.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@MRR7221 I understand- I get great relief when I confess to my fiancé. But I had to stop because #1 he didn’t want to know the details of everything and #2 shortly after I confess a new thought just replaces it.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Maybe,MaybeNot Also, not telling your husband these things is not lying or hiding something. He simply does not need to know. We are not perfect and neither is your husband. No relationship is perfect. Also you do even know if this thought is true!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Maybe,MaybeNot Dont*
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Maybe,MaybeNot That’s true. He doesn’t need to know everything, nor does he want to know everything. I understand that. I talk to him for my benefit unfortunately. Also my thoughts stay for awhile. I’ve never been able to figure out why some thoughts stay for months-years or only a few days to weeks. It’s wierd. /:
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Maybe,MaybeNot Well I have no memory of anything ever happening and I was and still am very open with him about everything and anything. I was over that cheating crap. Like I said I was young and naïve): I had ROCD where I was scared I was going to cheat on him. Then a different thought to this one. It’s not fun, which I’m sure you can relate to. :(
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@MRR7221 Confessing used to be my biggest compulsion and I still find it such a struggle not to do it every day. But I know that ultimately the driver for it isn't to actually do anything positive for him, it's to seek reassurance and feel better about my own guilt and anxiety. It's not reasonable for us to share every thought or that concerns us with our loved ones, especially when they stem from OCD and can be distressing. I understand completely how hard that can be and how you can feel like you *have* to share these things with him, and OCD can make you feel like it is for his own benefit. But it's a sneaky way to seek reassurance and relief. It's important to learn to tolerate these feelings of uncertainty and distress and not lasoo others into our OCD loop - especially when the thoughts involve them. That's where talking about these things with your therapist soon will be helpful. There needs to be someone you can work through this with who isn't your partner, and who won't feed the OCD with reassurance. I know it's hard but hang in there!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I totally relate. I know how hard this is. I started confessing to the point where he started getting kind of pissed off about it because he truly does not want to know. Now if I try to confess he cuts me right off and tells me to go do something else. He once said to me that we have different brains for a reason- because we don’t need to know everything each other has said and done, and that I should just learn from it and move on. And he’s right. It’s really not about what they think about it, it’s about what we think about it. We need to find a way to be ok with not being super perfect partners and allowing room to be human. Our partners aren’t perfect either-they just don’t fixate on it. But yes if you keep confessing, it just creates a cycle. I’ve probably had 20+ different obsessions about this. You can’t ruminate on them. I’ve gotten to a point before where I stopped ruminating and it pretty much all went away and I was happy again.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective Maybe,MaybeNot! I'm confident you will be able to get to that same point with your OCD again, if you're currently having a harder time. I appreciate you being so honest and firm but kind!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Grey Sakura You’re very welcome and thank you back 🙏🏻
- Date posted
- 3y ago
When you know you*** didn’t
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This sounds like Relationship OCD/ROCD mixed with False Memory OCD. The playing scenarios in your head is checking and ruminating. Treat this the same as any other OCD theme or topic. You've got this.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you for this! The unfortunate thing is is I was once young and dumb at age 14/15 and cheated on my highschool boyfriend and felt guilty ever since. I am now 22 and married to the most amazing guy. Am I recreating the memories I had then to now? It’s driving me crazy and my panic attacks are bad!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I find OCD likes to exacerbate and link to anything we feel guilty about. In my case it can definitely feed off feelings of guilt and shame. I can't answer your question, but I wouldn't be surprised if you're more hypervigilent to your behaviour in your current relationship because of guilt over your past experiences. The most important thing is that you've recognised you have OCD and that's the first step to getting effective treatment and help for what you're experiencing. I hope you can find a therapist who will be a good fit for you. Self compassion has also been helpful for me. Look up the work of Dr Kristin Neff. Take care.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I am absolutely in so much distress and I do not know why.. it just hit me randomly because of something that came up while I dated my husband. A guy grabbed my waist studying abroad and it made me thi my I was the one that caused it and that’s where these thougts came. /:
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@MRR7221 You will get through this ❤️ I understand the distress completely, trust me. But just remember that the level of distress you're experiencing doesn't correlate with how "real" or "valid" your concerns are. It's just your brain sending signals that feel uncomfortable to you, and sharing creative thoughts that easily grab your attention, and this can become a vicious spiral. You can tolerate this distress and move through it. I encourage you to seek out EAP therapy if that's possible. I'm starting it up soon. We will get through this.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Grey Sakura I’ve axtually never been diagnosed with OCD, I am self diagnosed. But I will be starting therapy soon and start a diagnostic therapy soon!!! I have had every ocd thought imaginable.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@MRR7221 Glad to hear you're starting therapy soon, I hope you'll notice a lot of benefit from it. The fact you've had so many previous OCD themes and obsessions definitely indicates what you're going through now is just the same thing (OCD) in different clothing. It's gonna get better!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Grey Sakura You seem like such a caring and kind person. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help others like myself! I really hope that I can conquer this. The thoughts feel and seem so real. How in the world does the mind do that. I wish someone knew
Related posts
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
- Relationship OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- OCD newbies
- "Pure" OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
- Date posted
- 10w ago
I was doing fine today until I asked ChatGPT if i cheated and they said it could count as emotional cheating if you are engaging in intense daydreams and looking someone up on social media to feed a fantasy about them. My partner and I already spoke about me fantasizing about this person and he said it was totally fine since it happened in my head and he has had crushes and fantasies on coworkers too. However I feel absolutely devastated and wrecked with guilt and anxiety and panic right now. I genuinely feel like a horrible horrible horrible cheater. I don’t know what to do. I have therapy scheduled for later this week but I really really need some advice right now!!! I feel like it could count as cheating since it did happen during a few weeks where i felt a bit distant from my partner and I feel like the daydreaming was excessive. I am so so scared. Do I confess? Do I tell him I cheated? He already told me once that cheating is a physical interaction (and I literally have not interacted with this person outside of surface level responses in a group server that my partner is also a part of). Do I have a moral obligation to tell him I cheated? I need to know.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond