- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey friend, this is my main theme. It’s really really difficult at first. I have a couple of memories where I felt like I was being a little flirtatious and also upfront let someone know I was attracted to them but that we needed to have boundaries because I was in a relationship. I truly did not think anything of it at the time and know I just wanted validation and had no bad intentions. A few months later I started freaking the fuck out and confessing in detail many different memories that started to pop up to my fiancé. He didn’t love hearing it all but understood that I’m a human being and that we are going to sometimes say and do things we wouldn’t say again or do again. I started experiencing a lot of false memories as well that I felt were equivalent to cheating. They have finally started to drift away once I stopped paying attention to them, stop trying to figure them out, and just trusting myself even though I could be wrong. I did the same- cheated in high school and was harrassed on Facebook for it and experienced a lot of shame- now I’m like hypervigilant about it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Also wanted to add- do NOT confess. It makes it so much worse and creates and endless cycle.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I completely agree - confessing is a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot I really really wish I read this before I actually did confess. For some reason, confessing makes me feel so much better because I cannot keep any thoughts or anything from my now husband. I am always honest with him and hate lying to him. OCD is terrible. I wish you get better. My last theme was false memory where I had “past memories that I touched a baby innapropriately”. It just felt so real. My husband is now getting to be more and more understanding with my anxiety. I know it is hard for him to hear it all, but I hate to keep things from him as he is my other half. Thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it so much.
- Date posted
- 3y
We were all young and naive once, but we learn from those mistakes. I sent nudes to another guy while dating a guy 3 yrs older than me when I was 14/15. I thought nothing of it at the time.. and now it haunts me to this day.
- Date posted
- 3y
@MRR7221 I understand- I get great relief when I confess to my fiancé. But I had to stop because #1 he didn’t want to know the details of everything and #2 shortly after I confess a new thought just replaces it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Also, not telling your husband these things is not lying or hiding something. He simply does not need to know. We are not perfect and neither is your husband. No relationship is perfect. Also you do even know if this thought is true!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Dont*
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot That’s true. He doesn’t need to know everything, nor does he want to know everything. I understand that. I talk to him for my benefit unfortunately. Also my thoughts stay for awhile. I’ve never been able to figure out why some thoughts stay for months-years or only a few days to weeks. It’s wierd. /:
- Date posted
- 3y
@Maybe,MaybeNot Well I have no memory of anything ever happening and I was and still am very open with him about everything and anything. I was over that cheating crap. Like I said I was young and naïve): I had ROCD where I was scared I was going to cheat on him. Then a different thought to this one. It’s not fun, which I’m sure you can relate to. :(
- Date posted
- 3y
@MRR7221 Confessing used to be my biggest compulsion and I still find it such a struggle not to do it every day. But I know that ultimately the driver for it isn't to actually do anything positive for him, it's to seek reassurance and feel better about my own guilt and anxiety. It's not reasonable for us to share every thought or that concerns us with our loved ones, especially when they stem from OCD and can be distressing. I understand completely how hard that can be and how you can feel like you *have* to share these things with him, and OCD can make you feel like it is for his own benefit. But it's a sneaky way to seek reassurance and relief. It's important to learn to tolerate these feelings of uncertainty and distress and not lasoo others into our OCD loop - especially when the thoughts involve them. That's where talking about these things with your therapist soon will be helpful. There needs to be someone you can work through this with who isn't your partner, and who won't feed the OCD with reassurance. I know it's hard but hang in there!!
- Date posted
- 3y
I totally relate. I know how hard this is. I started confessing to the point where he started getting kind of pissed off about it because he truly does not want to know. Now if I try to confess he cuts me right off and tells me to go do something else. He once said to me that we have different brains for a reason- because we don’t need to know everything each other has said and done, and that I should just learn from it and move on. And he’s right. It’s really not about what they think about it, it’s about what we think about it. We need to find a way to be ok with not being super perfect partners and allowing room to be human. Our partners aren’t perfect either-they just don’t fixate on it. But yes if you keep confessing, it just creates a cycle. I’ve probably had 20+ different obsessions about this. You can’t ruminate on them. I’ve gotten to a point before where I stopped ruminating and it pretty much all went away and I was happy again.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective Maybe,MaybeNot! I'm confident you will be able to get to that same point with your OCD again, if you're currently having a harder time. I appreciate you being so honest and firm but kind!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Grey Sakura You’re very welcome and thank you back 🙏🏻
- Date posted
- 3y
When you know you*** didn’t
- Date posted
- 3y
This sounds like Relationship OCD/ROCD mixed with False Memory OCD. The playing scenarios in your head is checking and ruminating. Treat this the same as any other OCD theme or topic. You've got this.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for this! The unfortunate thing is is I was once young and dumb at age 14/15 and cheated on my highschool boyfriend and felt guilty ever since. I am now 22 and married to the most amazing guy. Am I recreating the memories I had then to now? It’s driving me crazy and my panic attacks are bad!!
- Date posted
- 3y
I find OCD likes to exacerbate and link to anything we feel guilty about. In my case it can definitely feed off feelings of guilt and shame. I can't answer your question, but I wouldn't be surprised if you're more hypervigilent to your behaviour in your current relationship because of guilt over your past experiences. The most important thing is that you've recognised you have OCD and that's the first step to getting effective treatment and help for what you're experiencing. I hope you can find a therapist who will be a good fit for you. Self compassion has also been helpful for me. Look up the work of Dr Kristin Neff. Take care.
- Date posted
- 3y
I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I am absolutely in so much distress and I do not know why.. it just hit me randomly because of something that came up while I dated my husband. A guy grabbed my waist studying abroad and it made me thi my I was the one that caused it and that’s where these thougts came. /:
- Date posted
- 3y
@MRR7221 You will get through this ❤️ I understand the distress completely, trust me. But just remember that the level of distress you're experiencing doesn't correlate with how "real" or "valid" your concerns are. It's just your brain sending signals that feel uncomfortable to you, and sharing creative thoughts that easily grab your attention, and this can become a vicious spiral. You can tolerate this distress and move through it. I encourage you to seek out EAP therapy if that's possible. I'm starting it up soon. We will get through this.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Grey Sakura I’ve axtually never been diagnosed with OCD, I am self diagnosed. But I will be starting therapy soon and start a diagnostic therapy soon!!! I have had every ocd thought imaginable.
- Date posted
- 3y
@MRR7221 Glad to hear you're starting therapy soon, I hope you'll notice a lot of benefit from it. The fact you've had so many previous OCD themes and obsessions definitely indicates what you're going through now is just the same thing (OCD) in different clothing. It's gonna get better!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Grey Sakura You seem like such a caring and kind person. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help others like myself! I really hope that I can conquer this. The thoughts feel and seem so real. How in the world does the mind do that. I wish someone knew
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Do you ever have interactions with people and fear that during the interaction you may have cheated on your partner and can't seem to recall it? Sometimes when interacting with people I fear I cheated on my spouse with them afterwards. Mainly fearing I've kissed them and somehow instantly forgot. Just wanna know how common this specific fear may be
- Date posted
- 22w
Hello all, I’ve dealt with various OCD themes and compulsions for pretty much as long as I can remember. In some periods of my life the thoughts and compulsions have been particularly severe, but I’ve also had years where I’m able to keep it under control. This has made me worry I don’t actually have OCD, especially because I haven’t been doing consistent therapy and my therapists have gone back and forth on whether I have OCD. In the past few years, I’ve struggled immensely with false memory ocd, and right now I’m going through probably the most severe episode of my life. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. A few times that I’ve gone out drinking I’ve had the thought before “what if I lost control and cheated tonight” and it’s bothered me severely. Two times before, it’s gotten to the point of convincing myself that because I talked to a man that meant I had cheated on my boyfriend and just couldn’t remember. It has never turned out to be true. About a month ago, I went out with friends and had too much to drink. I was really ashamed of myself the next morning, particularly because I always try to drink cautiously now that I know it can trigger my anxiety. I am ashamed to admit I do not remember the very end of the night getting in my uber and going home. I woke up anxious and extremely worried and immediately started off by worrying if I could have tried to kiss my friend and not remembered. I called him and was immediately reassured nothing had happened, I simply drank too much and went home at the end of the night. I started feeling better, but then remembered a moment I had been in the bathroom. I remembered chatting with people in line about how long the line was, and then being in the bathroom on my phone. I then felt like I remembered people knocking and saying to myself “that wasn’t that long” and leaving. There is nothing concrete that I remember that in any way indicates I cheated, and in fact I have texts with my boyfriend from the whole night telling him I loved him. My friend told me that the only time I was ever apart from him was about 5 minutes and that when he came back I was in the same exact spot he left me in. However, when I remembered being in the bathroom, I thought to myself “what if you cheated on him in the bathroom”/ “oh my god did you cheat on him in the bathroom” and then a series of images of me performing sexual acts popped into my head. I’ve poured over my memory and truly do not remember meeting anyone, talking to anyone, or even finding anyone attractive that night, but the fact that I was drinking makes me worried I’m just forgetting and these images could be real. I’ve been constantly ruminating on these fears for the past month, to the point that the only relief I feel is when I’m able to fall asleep. I’m a law student and it’s becoming extremely difficult to keep up with my classes. I’ve been google searching, asked chat gpt for advice, confessed my fears to my boyfriend, asked for reassurance from pretty much everyone in my life, and even emailed the bar asking for security footage (which I know all sounds insane). I’m a naturally guilty person and feel bad about small things, so I really don’t think I would be capable of cheating and then nonchalantly texting my boyfriend, but these images feel so real that it’s terrifying. I’ve also seen a lot about how I would “just know” and that begins to scare me because then I think “you do just know, you did it” even though I really don’t think I did. I know these posts are not supposed to be for reassurance seeking, I’m just so exhausted and feeling really depressed. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and has any advice. I’m also wondering if images can feel more real the more you ruminate on them or if it’s a sign of memory. Thank you so much for listening.
- Date posted
- 14w
I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?
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