- Username
- Katari51
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I had a similar moment years ago when I began my recovery journey! I shared with my best friend regarding my Harm OCD fears. She asked me to hold her newborn and left to go to the bathroom. She shared how she had experienced similar thoughts but could shrug them off, and that it made sense why I held on to them as a sort of personal attack on my identity. That really was a pivotal point in my recovery journey. ❤️
Thank you for sharing ❤️ it is so important to talk to people
What’s also really important is your friend trusted you implicitly- where you don’t trust yourself. You didn’t start this obsessive worrying about if your a Paedo. The worrying started elsewhere. Work backwards. You were not always like this. It’s not ALL just an awry circuit. Sure it’s sensitive to anxiety but it doesn’t explain the nature of obsession. I’m doing deep work to get at the heart of why I am the way I am. I think it’s helping but I also think this illness just being biological does not fly with me. Too many variations, too nuanced, too common to be a genetic design flaw. We have traumas. They may not be big things, it can be as simple as not getting enough encouragement growing up, but we have things that made us think this way, probably a very long time ago and now it is so well practised that it feels like a part of us. Has to be more to it. I still get some thoughts, but it’s interesting that the whole experience is way less intense and I don’t just put that down to exposure. Honestly - know thyself. Get it understand how and why you think the way you do, where this all began, and then work to change your sense of self. That is what is at stake here. The vulnerable theme it’s chosen is not the real reason
Amazing to read!
@soniclen this was a very intriguing read! This worry all started when i was around this same friends children and her husband made a joke about me being a pedophile. Even though I knew it was a joke, my anxiety (which I’ve been diagnosed with) took over. Since then, I’ve been getting better at calling myself out when I have an outright unrelated ridiculous thought. But, I still have thoughts that will grab my attention and cause me to ruminate to no end. I think i still have these thoughts because im afraid of “accepting” it and I just don’t know how to go about it. Good luck on your quest to heal though! You seem like you know what you’re doing.
Hey everyone, just wanted to say that I conquered something really big with my OCD yesterday and I feel really proud about myself. I told the person I’m most close with about my ROCD and she was so understanding of it and we talked a lot about what she could do to help me when I get into one of those moods where it’s really obvious that I’m trying to more or less ‘interrogate’ her (Don’t worry it’s not by giving reassurance I talked to her about that). All this really helps me because a lot of the time after I have an ROCD type of mood swing it can trigger my Harm OCD and I think I’ve really hurt her and that what I do might cause her to self harm and all of this so it’s not a good cycle at all. I’m not trying to flaunt my success by no means and the reason why I’m saying this is because for once in a really long time I feel proud of myself and happy that I was able to take the first big step in dealing with my ROCD For anybody out there who thinks that they can’t get help or talk about their feelings, stop it. If I can do it (The person who’s incredibly introverted and has big trust issues) you can do it. I believe in all of you that you can all have success no matter how big or small it may seem it’s still progress. Have a wonderful day folks and remember to take care of yourself ?
Hey guys! I wanna know, does anybody here has told someone close about their ocd? Because i just told my mom and even though she handled it very well i don’t know how i feel.
i have worked with children for 10 years. they are so important to me and my life. i think they are amazing. i know this is why OCD decided to target this and make me feel afraid of what i love and am good at and value in life. i have become so terrified of sexualizing or abusing a child, which is of course what my intrusive thoughts are about. some are verbal, others are visual. they are all horrible and panic inducing. my POCD was triggered by a movie i saw about a groomer/sexual predator. i also have PTSD from child abuse, some of which was sexual in nature. i became so scared of hurting a child the way i was hurt after seeing something similar onscreen, and started getting the intrusive thoughts. i googled my symptoms, and was able to book a call with NOCD almost immediately, and get diagnosed/educated/start ERP therapy. when POCD first struck, i had to miss work, i was vomiting and having panic attacks and unable to function, i couldnt look in the mirror, couldnt eat and got so thin, i looked awful because i couldnt groom properly, i abandoned my social life, i nearly resigned from my teaching position, almost took medical leave from my day job, (i was able to keep both jobs thanks to treatment), i could hardly leave my home, i was contemplating suicide, or contemplating leaving my working/social lives and moving back in with my abusive family and going on disability and never speaking to anyone ever again. every day was anguish and horror and pain. now, just 1 month of meds and ERP later, I am able to eat, socialize, take care of myself, go to work, have a will to live, and recognize that these thoughts are not representative of who I am, want, or believe. I am doing so much better, it is shocking. a couple of my friends know about my POCD and have been so amazing and caring and accepting--i could not be healing the way i am without them either. i feel incredibly lucky to have found the help that i have. I still cry multiple times every day and fall victim to the thoughts. they are just so difficult to "accept." but i am getting there. day by day, i improve, but sometimes it is like two steps forward and one step back. it is all still so distressing. it's been helpful to focus on living my values and not letting OCD stop me from doing what's good and important for me. this includes working with kids and being around my friends, two things that terrified me in the beginning. i live with so much shame, and feel like i have a horrible secret. this has been the worst thing i have ever been through. i hope to keep getting better and to surmount this entirely. i have hope now, which i have come to realize is invaluable. and i hope this gives you some too.
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