- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I had a similar moment years ago when I began my recovery journey! I shared with my best friend regarding my Harm OCD fears. She asked me to hold her newborn and left to go to the bathroom. She shared how she had experienced similar thoughts but could shrug them off, and that it made sense why I held on to them as a sort of personal attack on my identity. That really was a pivotal point in my recovery journey. ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you for sharing ❤️ it is so important to talk to people
- Date posted
- 6y
What’s also really important is your friend trusted you implicitly- where you don’t trust yourself. You didn’t start this obsessive worrying about if your a Paedo. The worrying started elsewhere. Work backwards. You were not always like this. It’s not ALL just an awry circuit. Sure it’s sensitive to anxiety but it doesn’t explain the nature of obsession. I’m doing deep work to get at the heart of why I am the way I am. I think it’s helping but I also think this illness just being biological does not fly with me. Too many variations, too nuanced, too common to be a genetic design flaw. We have traumas. They may not be big things, it can be as simple as not getting enough encouragement growing up, but we have things that made us think this way, probably a very long time ago and now it is so well practised that it feels like a part of us. Has to be more to it. I still get some thoughts, but it’s interesting that the whole experience is way less intense and I don’t just put that down to exposure. Honestly - know thyself. Get it understand how and why you think the way you do, where this all began, and then work to change your sense of self. That is what is at stake here. The vulnerable theme it’s chosen is not the real reason
- Date posted
- 6y
Amazing to read!
- Date posted
- 6y
@soniclen this was a very intriguing read! This worry all started when i was around this same friends children and her husband made a joke about me being a pedophile. Even though I knew it was a joke, my anxiety (which I’ve been diagnosed with) took over. Since then, I’ve been getting better at calling myself out when I have an outright unrelated ridiculous thought. But, I still have thoughts that will grab my attention and cause me to ruminate to no end. I think i still have these thoughts because im afraid of “accepting” it and I just don’t know how to go about it. Good luck on your quest to heal though! You seem like you know what you’re doing.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Hey friends. I hope you all are doing good today. Just struggling mentally myself. Feel like a terrible mother, but I want another baby. My OCD has gotten better despite the terrible episode I had that I seem to not get over. I hope someone comments that could just give me some support with POCD
- Date posted
- 21w
Today I over came something that had been consistently bothering me with my contamination OCD and I'm over the moon I never thought I could do it yesterday the anxiety was there but I sat with and it faded I'm so happy thank you for all your support guys and I recently started working out and I feel much better To anyone out there struggling it gets better trust me a few months ago I was at the Lowest point in my life I couldn't even leave my house I failed really badly at school but now I can even go outside I try to socialize some days are harder than others and I've had a few hiccups along the way but it has gotten much better And I'm starting a recovery course for school to make up for my grades I'm so happy guys 😭then I can finally get into uni
- Date posted
- 13w
This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.
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