Hi God is in Control. To be honest, I don't entirely understand your question. But I'm trying to understand it the more I think about it... You're saying this is just a way you consider things in life? Like instead of thinking of what time it is (right now its 3:15) you'll think of being on the landing of the staircase? Or when you find out how old someone is (for example let's say they're 7 years old) you would consider them to be on the second level of the ladder, correct? These things are just something you do day to day? Is there a specific reason behind why you do it? Or you just simply do it because you do it?
I just do it. Kind of like when I am on a sidewalk. Depending on how wide the blocks are, I'll take maybe three steps to get over the crack, then four, then three, then four, never stepping on the crack between blocks. Sort of like, don't step on the crack or you'll break your mother's back. Only that's not why I do it. It just seems like that's how my steps go. The staircase and the ladder have just been in my mind for a long time. Like with the ladder, I guess, when I hit 20, I needed to be all grown up. But I had to mature much sooner than that. And the staircase is a metafor(sp)for starting the day, being at work during the day, and relaxing and ending the day. Sounds stupid now that I write it down again. I must have been easily entertained by myself. Had to do something.
It's not stupid God is in Control. All of us who have OCD have things we do that might not make sense to others, even to those of us with OCD. Like the thing you said about taking 3 steps and then 4 steps on the sidewalk blocks, it may not be something I specifically do, but I can relate to why you do that because of your OCD. I did used to obsess about not stepping on a crack in the sidewalk back when I was younger because I was afraid my mom's back would actually break. Did having the ladder metaphor make you feel more grown up? I can see how it could be used to help with that. Something I do is that when I have a straw in my cup without a lid, I feel like I have to have the straw facing in a specific direction, the direction is determined by my OCD, if I don't I just won't feel right. There really is no real reason why I do this, I just do it because it feels right to do. My therapist says stuff like this is called "Just Right OCD", I think your sidewalk thing you do and the ladder and staircase metaphors are "Just Right OCD", or at least I think they are. There doesn't have to be a real reason for them, we just do these compulsions because our OCD makes us feel like we need to. I hope we can both break out of our compulsions over time. We just have to learn to sit with the anxiety that it may cause us and eventually it won't bother us so much. That's what my therapist said, but I think it takes awhile before we start to see improvement. Anyways, I hope I was at least somewhat helpful. Have a great day God is in Control! God bless friend! :)
@Drew777 Thanks my young friend :-) These particular cases of OCD really seem harmless, don't they? I mean the sidewalk thing with me has nothing to do with my mother's back, yet it still is a ritual. I also noticed just in typing this that I had to be as perfect as possible with no errors. I kept adding two letters to a lot of my words and had to go back and fix them. Also keep hitting the space bar when I meant the period, and the period when I meant the space bar. I go back and proofread what I've written before posting, and when I post something with an error of any kind, I really have to sit and work my way through it before I can continue on. Seems rather silly, and most people would think so, but to me it's something that gets into my head.
@God is in Control No, it's not silly at all, in fact I struggle with the exact same thing! I have to type everything correctly all the time to the point that I can't even let my phones auto correct fix it, if auto correct fixes it then I have to delete the word and type it again because my OCD makes me feel like I should've been able to type it correctly on my own without the help of auto correct. I was actually just talking to my therapist about this the other day, so it's interesting that you brought it up as something you struggle with too. And you're right, these particular cases of OCD do seem harmless, but they actually are more harmful than we may think because they're an unhealthy compulsion we're performing and if we keep giving into them then the compulsions will just get worse and we'll perform compulsions more frequently. And you're welcome friend, I'm glad we can talk to each other and relate with one another about OCD, I think it really helps us all to know that we're not alone. :) How are you today God is in Control? :)
@Drew777 I'm not doing too bad Drew777. Just got back from neurofeedback. Fixing myself some lunch, even though supper will be just around the corner. I think my stomach has OCD. It can't stop thinking about food. :-) I think we must somehow be in tune with each other through the stars or something like that. Seriously speaking however, I believe God brought me to this site to meet friends like you and others, and even though the therapist did not work out at this time, I'm sure it will in the future.
@God is in Control What's neurofeedback? Is it another place that helps with OCD? And I'm glad you're eating regularly, that's good! I honestly struggle with eating, like I don't eat enough, I normally only have one meal a day and normally it's dinner between 6:00 or 8:00 at night. I need to be better about eating, lol. But I agree, I think we're in tune with each other too, I believe God led me to this site as well to meet you and some other people as well that I've become friends with. I really hope therapy will work for you at some point in the future God is in Control, I pray that you will find the right therapist in God's perfect timing. 😊 my therapy is going decently but I just started ERP yesterday and I'm a little nervous and confused by it, but I know God will help me through it. :) I pray that you have a blessed day God is in Control! 😀
@Drew777 Neurofeedback is something that helps stimulate your brain. It's soft electronic pulses through a cap and through a felt belt on your abdomen to lightly stimulate your nerves.
@Drew777 It works on stimulating anxiety disorder, adhd, depression, and a lot of brain activities. Called EEG, it is just another way to get your brain nerves and other nerves to respond to your anxiety, depression, and just recently I found out, your OCD. Not a lot to the OCD, but a little. After so many sessions they do a brain map to see if anything has changed. You are never put under. You never feel anything whatsoever. But I do believe it has helped me in many ways. Having a therapist would only make it that much better. You should look it up. It's not shock therapy. Trust me, I've been through that before. This is nothing like that.
@Drew777 Wishing you well with your ERP, and you have a good day also. The night before last I did a home sleep study to see if my sleep apnea has returned. Just waiting on results 😌 😴. It was quite simple and quite interesting. I'll let you know what I find out. 😉
@God is in Control Oh, I've heard of that before I think. Even though it's not the same as shock therapy the idea of it still kind of scares me a little bit, I don't know why it does because I'm sure it's harmless and completely fine, but I'm just a big scaredy cat, lol. I'll look it up though and learn more about it. Thanks. :) And thanks, I really appreciate that! 😀 I hope and pray that your sleep apnea hasn't returned and that you'll get the results soon. And yeah, I'd love to know when you find out. :)
@Drew777 I will let you as soon as I know. About the neurofeedback, it only lasts for about 40 minutes, broken up into about 3 different spots. Talk to you later.
Truthfully, anything can become a compulsion. Even this! A good way to tell whether it's a compulsion or simply a quirk you have is to notice how you feel if you DON'T engage with it. If you were to stop using this analogy or stop picturing the ladder- how would you feel? Would there be distress? Or any type of urgency? Those are good signs this could be a compulsion for you. It's important to recognize that a common mental compulsion is counting. Whether that's counting your steps or counting years. If you find that when you don't count your distress or discomfort increases- that's a good sign its become compulsive for you.
Thank you. I guess I wasn't thinking "counting" in the same way as just someone counting. It makes sense however. I don't remember when the ladder began, but it's been there a long time.