- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm starting to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel... Is it like, when you learn to fear the 'what if' content less, you are then more level headed to go okay that 'could' happen, but instead of it feeling like it's going to happen you just instead don't find the prospect of it as scary, and your clear head can now decide on what you actually want (which I guess is just carrying on with your life as it is)?
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm not married but I live with my soulmate of over 5 years and I hope we'll marry! I struggle because I'm bisexual and my OCD tells me I should be with a woman instead even though I love my partner and we have the healthiest, most communicative and wonderful relationship.
- Date posted
- 3y
So happy for y'all! I relate to this so much! I identify at straight but have very similar fears that what if I should be with a woman instead, despite having such an incredible relationship and never having dealt with OCD doubts before. It's crazy how a theme can truly taint all aspects of your relationship sometimes!
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ Same ChristineKJ. I identify as straight, love my boyfriend with my entire heart. But scared I’m “missing” something. Like evidence
- Date posted
- 3y
@run99 Yep, my OCD does that too. I get intrusive thoughts about how being intimate with a woman is what I'm "missing" or that I'm just suppressing the truth. It's awful
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ I’m so sorry you experience that too. You are not alone. Doesn’t make it suck any less but
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate so much. We have been together for 12 years, since I was 17. He is everything to me, I love him more than anything else in the world and cannot bear the thought of losing him. What's extra tricky is that I am not totally sure that I am 100% straight because I had these immense admirations for some women when I was a teenager and I worry that they could have been real crushes. It's what I obsess constantly about. Or that, if I really was bisexual, I would have to experience it and not be allowed to just stay with my boyfriend for the rest of my life. But we have to remember that in the end, our sexuality is irrelevant. We don't have to be sure what it is, we have to be comfortable with not ever being entirely sure instead...
- Date posted
- 3y
@hyperactivebrain Sounds like your OCD is trying to find things to latch onto in your past! Mine has done that too. I feel so similarly, like that there's this urge to go experiment with women because my OCD insists that I'm missing something. It's awful.
- Date posted
- 3y
I do
- Date posted
- 3y
How have you been dealing with this? Mine is a bit all over the place, some days great, some bad. ERP is helping but it's a challenge
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
We’re engaged!
- Date posted
- 3y
Congratulations! It's so difficult to have your soulmate and then have SOOCD come into the picture.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ Thank you :( it absolutely breaks my heart though. I feel like there’s too much proof and I’m living this lie
- Date posted
- 3y
I think working with a NOCD therapists and really going deep into what scares you will help. I hope you choose to take the first step. So many therapists work with these types of things and can really provide. You with the tools to help you learn skills and things to help yourself. Keep going! You can do this.
- Date posted
- 1y
how have you been doing?
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 18w
I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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