- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm starting to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel... Is it like, when you learn to fear the 'what if' content less, you are then more level headed to go okay that 'could' happen, but instead of it feeling like it's going to happen you just instead don't find the prospect of it as scary, and your clear head can now decide on what you actually want (which I guess is just carrying on with your life as it is)?
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm not married but I live with my soulmate of over 5 years and I hope we'll marry! I struggle because I'm bisexual and my OCD tells me I should be with a woman instead even though I love my partner and we have the healthiest, most communicative and wonderful relationship.
- Date posted
- 3y
So happy for y'all! I relate to this so much! I identify at straight but have very similar fears that what if I should be with a woman instead, despite having such an incredible relationship and never having dealt with OCD doubts before. It's crazy how a theme can truly taint all aspects of your relationship sometimes!
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ Same ChristineKJ. I identify as straight, love my boyfriend with my entire heart. But scared I’m “missing” something. Like evidence
- Date posted
- 3y
@run99 Yep, my OCD does that too. I get intrusive thoughts about how being intimate with a woman is what I'm "missing" or that I'm just suppressing the truth. It's awful
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ I’m so sorry you experience that too. You are not alone. Doesn’t make it suck any less but
- Date posted
- 3y
I relate so much. We have been together for 12 years, since I was 17. He is everything to me, I love him more than anything else in the world and cannot bear the thought of losing him. What's extra tricky is that I am not totally sure that I am 100% straight because I had these immense admirations for some women when I was a teenager and I worry that they could have been real crushes. It's what I obsess constantly about. Or that, if I really was bisexual, I would have to experience it and not be allowed to just stay with my boyfriend for the rest of my life. But we have to remember that in the end, our sexuality is irrelevant. We don't have to be sure what it is, we have to be comfortable with not ever being entirely sure instead...
- Date posted
- 3y
@hyperactivebrain Sounds like your OCD is trying to find things to latch onto in your past! Mine has done that too. I feel so similarly, like that there's this urge to go experiment with women because my OCD insists that I'm missing something. It's awful.
- Date posted
- 3y
I do
- Date posted
- 3y
How have you been dealing with this? Mine is a bit all over the place, some days great, some bad. ERP is helping but it's a challenge
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
We’re engaged!
- Date posted
- 3y
Congratulations! It's so difficult to have your soulmate and then have SOOCD come into the picture.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@ChristineKJ Thank you :( it absolutely breaks my heart though. I feel like there’s too much proof and I’m living this lie
- Date posted
- 3y
I think working with a NOCD therapists and really going deep into what scares you will help. I hope you choose to take the first step. So many therapists work with these types of things and can really provide. You with the tools to help you learn skills and things to help yourself. Keep going! You can do this.
- Date posted
- 1y
how have you been doing?
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
Anyone who has had sexual orientation OCD since the “dating age” (middle school/high school)— how did you ever determine your sexuality? I don’t want reassurance because I understand our experiences may be different. I’m just curious— did you try boys and girls? Did you just find your person and know? I started having SOOCD at age 16 and I’m now 28. OCD has ruined my ability to date more than anything else. I feel like it stole my chance at love. I’ve had three long-term situationships with men. I adored them but they were also toxic because I think I subconsciously didn’t believe I deserved better. I felt that if I knew the relationship wouldn’t work because of fundamental differences, at least it was okay that I couldn’t fully be present in the relationship. Not sure if this makes sense, but I’m just grieving that part of my life I missed out on.
- Date posted
- 20w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi all! I was wondering if anyone being treated with ROCD and/or SOOCD has some advice on how they handle the things *with* their partner. For context, my ex and I were together ~7 months before we broke up a year ago, in large part due to my severe anxiety from untreated ROCD/SOOCD. I’ve gotten a lot better through NOCD treatment and we’ve been friends since then. But we’re currently in a “situationship” kind of stage, where I think we’re both trying to figure out if the relationship is still feasible, and I’m finding that I’m a lot more triggered as the relationship nears becoming “serious” again. We’re both really trying to figure out the healthiest way to handle when things get hard for me. Does anyone have input about what they’ve learned or found what has worked in their own relationships? Some specific questions: - I’ve found that when getting really triggered in my own head, I have no clue if I should explain how I’m feeling to my partner or how we should address it together. How do you differentiate between communicating versus falling into the confessing/reassurance trap? - Related to the above, my partner and I are both a bit lost on the best way for him to respond when I’m really paranoid (for examples, I have major I’m-being-cheated-on paranoia and overanalyze if I’m enjoying sex enough), or if I’m overreacting to feeling rejected/misunderstood (e.g. “he didn’t respond to my comment just now, he doesn’t care/he doesn’t get me/maybe we shouldn’t be together…”) - How much does your partner know about ROCD/SOOCD in general? How much have you shared with them about your thoughts and experiences? I’ve explained both subtypes and some of my thought processes to him, but definitely not all of it, and I’m not sure how much is helpful for him to know. Answers to any or all of the questions are very much appreciated. Thanks so much in advance! Hope you’re all well 💗
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