Hi Acronym1l, OCD can latch onto anything and make you doubt it. The fact that your intrusive thoughts can feel so real is why this illness can be such a struggle, because sometimes it is very hard to tell what is real or not. You said this was your first theme, but has come back with a vengeance. Is there any specific event or thought that cause this to come back so severe? Have you tried using the same ERP exercises or sitting with uncertainty that you used before to manage it? I have had many of my themes that I thought were under control flare up again due to stress or some event and then taper off with ERP/ telling my thoughts “so what” about whatever they wanted definitive answers on. If you have been doing very well recently and not dwelling in doubt and feeding your OCD bully, this may be its way of lashing out to get your attention since it knows it can, as you mentioned it was so hard to get over. Whatever you used to get your SOCD under control last time, try doing that again. Just remember you are not your intrusive thoughts. If your OCD tells you what if you never liked any of your past crushes, tell it maybe you didn’t maybe you didnt, you can’t change the past so what does it matter if you know if you did or not. Try not to actively deny or acknowledge the intrusive thought, which I know you know is easier said than done, just let them pop up tell them “yeah whatever I’m going about my life” and try not to give them any more time or power over you. Ultimately, try to tell your ocd, “I’m me, I can like whomever I want to like, either way I’m still me and you can’t change that. I don’t owe you an answer, because you’re going to make me doubt myself either way so I’m done listening to you, good bye.” Stay strong, you have overcome this before and you can do so again. Practice your ERP and don’t give attention or dwell on the OCD bully’s thoughts or doubts, as difficult as it may be. You can do this.
Thank you so much for the advices!
@Anonym1l - Take care of yourself and glad I could help.