I hate hearing love is a choice… when I constantly feel nothing for him… it hurts… when I am loving him it’s like I am faking it and leading him on… I avoid sex completely bc of it… I want to love him like before. I want to cuddle and hold him tightly… it’s everyday now… it’s like if I talk to him about this it’s like I am gonna break up with him… I just want to love him peacefully again. I’ve had mild ROCD for years and NEVER did it feel like this… It’s like I gave into and just want to give up but I know I don’t want to. I know if I leave I will wanna be with him again. It’s like my brain has flatlined when it comes to him…

Hi there! Thank you so much for having the vulnerability to share on here. I’m sorry you’re feeling such distress right now. I’ve been in this place, and it is a terrible feeling. Have you brought this up with your therapist? I’m confident they Will be able to help you formulate exposures and uncertainty statements around this specific obsession. Remember that OCD is trying to trick you into believing that the things in your head are reality. OCD is the doubting disorder, and will make you doubt the things that are most important to you. Question your OCD, and ask it, “Is this based in reality?” It helps remind us that we are actually the ones in control! I promise that you will find peace again. It just takes hard work to get there. You’re doing a great job and you’re stronger than you know!

I know how much it hurts to go through this. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I think the hardest thing for me lately is having faith that rocd even exists and that I am not just lying to myself. Let me ask yousomething. When finding the truth of a matter, how do you go about finding it? What are your first steps?

Its like you’re in my mind. This is normal with OCD and i’ve had this exact same issue

this is exactly how i feel.

I’ve been with my first love for 11 years now…. Never was my feelings this bad… I have moments where I can say I know I love him but not lately… I wake up feeling that way.. I even talk in my sleep… I can hear myself since I am half awake and half awake… thankfully he doesn’t hear me. Since he’s asleep. I know my partner and I have some issues we need to work on that is for sure so that doesn’t help my ROCD at all. But for 10 years I’ve been in the honeymoon phase. It seems impossible but it’s what I realized. Then getting triggered by my partner didn’t help and then I deal with a lot of past trauma. I’ve always been a loveable person always wanting to be with and touch my partner. Sure I love my space. But most of the time we are together. I am constantly overeating. My partner says I never know how to relax since the only thing I think is responsibility all the time. Even when he gets frustrated with things and vents about it. It’s the feeling of red flags going off in my head when honestly there isn’t anything wrong… I am happy in my relationship it’s calm, relaxing and happy. I just constantly feel off about him… When I am relaxed and don’t constantly think I am happy and can say I love him without a problem. I am constantly having anxiety… CONSTANTLY. Even when I am calm I can feel it. I know I don’t wanna replace him. I love him even with all his flaws. He loves me with all mine and has been patient with my ROCD for way over a year. Just right now I don’t feel that spark…

Even back before my ROCD got this bad I had an off feeling… I test myself saying I’m not in love with him to see my reaction and that doesn’t work anymore. I am constantly stressed. Everyone and even an mechanic told me not to panic about my car making small sounds.