I hate hearing love is a choice… when I constantly feel nothing for him… it hurts… when I am loving him it’s like I am faking it and leading him on… I avoid sex completely bc of it… I want to love him like before. I want to cuddle and hold him tightly… it’s everyday now… it’s like if I talk to him about this it’s like I am gonna break up with him… I just want to love him peacefully again. I’ve had mild ROCD for years and NEVER did it feel like this… It’s like I gave into and just want to give up but I know I don’t want to. I know if I leave I will wanna be with him again. It’s like my brain has flatlined when it comes to him…

I know how much it hurts to go through this. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I think the hardest thing for me lately is having faith that rocd even exists and that I am not just lying to myself. Let me ask yousomething. When finding the truth of a matter, how do you go about finding it? What are your first steps?

Its like you’re in my mind. This is normal with OCD and i’ve had this exact same issue

How… how do you get you’re feelings back!? It’s like I want this but I know I don’t… I have moments I know I love him. But why doesn’t that stay when I want it to!?!

@Mandy7710 ERP. Allowing thoughts and feelings to be there without trying to figure it out. Be okay with uncertainty. Its really hard at first and super painful but over time it gets easier. The thoughts subside and negative feelings. I have been doing it and its easier to see the big picture

this is exactly how i feel.

Can you explain how you feel? Is this everyday and sometimes throughout you have peace

@Mandy7710 Well i’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and i feel like i’m stuck in a bubble and i can’t mentally reach my boyfriend. I have constant doubts every day if i love him or not and if he’s the right person for me or if being in a relationship is the right thing for me. The only thing that keeps me going is this feeling of not wanting him out of my life no matter how severe the doubts get. I tried breaking up with him 2 weeks ago as i thought it would give me peace but I couldn’t do it because i know deep down i still love him even though sometimes i don’t feel anything towards him. It’s my first serious relationship as well so I think that makes my OCD worse. I’ve had the thoughts since August and they were quite mild. They left after a week or 2 then they came back near the end of september. I didn’t have the thoughts for the whole of october and it felt wonderful. However they came back at the beginning of November and haven’t gone yet. It’s hell honestly, i know how you feel. ❤️

I’ve been with my first love for 11 years now…. Never was my feelings this bad… I have moments where I can say I know I love him but not lately… I wake up feeling that way.. I even talk in my sleep… I can hear myself since I am half awake and half awake… thankfully he doesn’t hear me. Since he’s asleep. I know my partner and I have some issues we need to work on that is for sure so that doesn’t help my ROCD at all. But for 10 years I’ve been in the honeymoon phase. It seems impossible but it’s what I realized. Then getting triggered by my partner didn’t help and then I deal with a lot of past trauma. I’ve always been a loveable person always wanting to be with and touch my partner. Sure I love my space. But most of the time we are together. I am constantly overeating. My partner says I never know how to relax since the only thing I think is responsibility all the time. Even when he gets frustrated with things and vents about it. It’s the feeling of red flags going off in my head when honestly there isn’t anything wrong… I am happy in my relationship it’s calm, relaxing and happy. I just constantly feel off about him… When I am relaxed and don’t constantly think I am happy and can say I love him without a problem. I am constantly having anxiety… CONSTANTLY. Even when I am calm I can feel it. I know I don’t wanna replace him. I love him even with all his flaws. He loves me with all mine and has been patient with my ROCD for way over a year. Just right now I don’t feel that spark…

Even back before my ROCD got this bad I had an off feeling… I test myself saying I’m not in love with him to see my reaction and that doesn’t work anymore. I am constantly stressed. Everyone and even an mechanic told me not to panic about my car making small sounds.