- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi there! Thank you so much for having the vulnerability to share on here. I’m sorry you’re feeling such distress right now. I’ve been in this place, and it is a terrible feeling. Have you brought this up with your therapist? I’m confident they Will be able to help you formulate exposures and uncertainty statements around this specific obsession. Remember that OCD is trying to trick you into believing that the things in your head are reality. OCD is the doubting disorder, and will make you doubt the things that are most important to you. Question your OCD, and ask it, “Is this based in reality?” It helps remind us that we are actually the ones in control! I promise that you will find peace again. It just takes hard work to get there. You’re doing a great job and you’re stronger than you know!
- Date posted
- 3y
I know how much it hurts to go through this. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I think the hardest thing for me lately is having faith that rocd even exists and that I am not just lying to myself. Let me ask yousomething. When finding the truth of a matter, how do you go about finding it? What are your first steps?
- Date posted
- 3y
Its like you’re in my mind. This is normal with OCD and i’ve had this exact same issue
- Date posted
- 3y
How… how do you get you’re feelings back!? It’s like I want this but I know I don’t… I have moments I know I love him. But why doesn’t that stay when I want it to!?!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 ERP. Allowing thoughts and feelings to be there without trying to figure it out. Be okay with uncertainty. Its really hard at first and super painful but over time it gets easier. The thoughts subside and negative feelings. I have been doing it and its easier to see the big picture
- Date posted
- 3y
this is exactly how i feel.
- Date posted
- 3y
Can you explain how you feel? Is this everyday and sometimes throughout you have peace
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 Well i’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 months and i feel like i’m stuck in a bubble and i can’t mentally reach my boyfriend. I have constant doubts every day if i love him or not and if he’s the right person for me or if being in a relationship is the right thing for me. The only thing that keeps me going is this feeling of not wanting him out of my life no matter how severe the doubts get. I tried breaking up with him 2 weeks ago as i thought it would give me peace but I couldn’t do it because i know deep down i still love him even though sometimes i don’t feel anything towards him. It’s my first serious relationship as well so I think that makes my OCD worse. I’ve had the thoughts since August and they were quite mild. They left after a week or 2 then they came back near the end of september. I didn’t have the thoughts for the whole of october and it felt wonderful. However they came back at the beginning of November and haven’t gone yet. It’s hell honestly, i know how you feel. ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve been with my first love for 11 years now…. Never was my feelings this bad… I have moments where I can say I know I love him but not lately… I wake up feeling that way.. I even talk in my sleep… I can hear myself since I am half awake and half awake… thankfully he doesn’t hear me. Since he’s asleep. I know my partner and I have some issues we need to work on that is for sure so that doesn’t help my ROCD at all. But for 10 years I’ve been in the honeymoon phase. It seems impossible but it’s what I realized. Then getting triggered by my partner didn’t help and then I deal with a lot of past trauma. I’ve always been a loveable person always wanting to be with and touch my partner. Sure I love my space. But most of the time we are together. I am constantly overeating. My partner says I never know how to relax since the only thing I think is responsibility all the time. Even when he gets frustrated with things and vents about it. It’s the feeling of red flags going off in my head when honestly there isn’t anything wrong… I am happy in my relationship it’s calm, relaxing and happy. I just constantly feel off about him… When I am relaxed and don’t constantly think I am happy and can say I love him without a problem. I am constantly having anxiety… CONSTANTLY. Even when I am calm I can feel it. I know I don’t wanna replace him. I love him even with all his flaws. He loves me with all mine and has been patient with my ROCD for way over a year. Just right now I don’t feel that spark…
- Date posted
- 3y
Even back before my ROCD got this bad I had an off feeling… I test myself saying I’m not in love with him to see my reaction and that doesn’t work anymore. I am constantly stressed. Everyone and even an mechanic told me not to panic about my car making small sounds.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place
- Date posted
- 17w
I feel like I want to break up with my partner and go off and experience things like falling in love and butterflies and magic again. My partner is my home and my family and my rock and we’re compatible but sometimes it feels like I have these unfulfilled needs. And then ocd comes in and SCREAMS about these things and pulls me away from my partner. We’ve been together ten years. It says leave leave leave leave leave. And I feel like deep down I don’t want to stay. But I know love is a choice. How can I choose to stay when my body is screaming rub. I know I have ocd, and this is what ocd feels like, and I also have a lot of trauma regards to attachment. Am I being a coward??? Will this ever end?
- Date posted
- 6w
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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