- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks for sharing your current experience. I would say that you should be very proud of yourself for 1st noticing the anxiety, distress, and discomfort and letting those feelings of anxiety, fear, etc. be there.This is a perfect time to as I like to say "practice" ERP. Practice not analyzing any of those points you mentioned and place your attention on this present moment. Feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breathe, go for a walk, read, go hangout with a close companion, or play a sport. Not avoiding the discomfort, but choosing to do things you want to do and not give any attention to dwelling on that.The most important part being the response prevention. Not easy, but part of the work. When this type of situation occurs and we are in environments in which we are organically exposed to distress, use this as an opportunity to practice doing the work! This allows for two things; showing yourself you can handle and tolerate it, and also letting your body know that although you feel uncomfortable you are willing to keep doing whatever it is you are doing and getting on with your day! This is the foundation!
- Date posted
- 3y
I get very very very bad moral ocd. I think two things: a good way to understand what’s you and what’s ocd is to give it a voice/name and let it talk. And when you hear it talking ask “is that ocd” and let it respond. Most the time for me it answers grumpily but that just confirms it. My second thing, it is IMPOSSIBLE to say one thing is good and one thing is bad. We have a general idea but it’s imessuable. For me when it comes to people I don’t need in my life, even though it’s hard to remove judgement and emotion I have to take a moment to say “is this person helping or hurting me?” You’re aloud to feel hurt and that’s so valid and you can also bring some wise mind into it. Also, my ocd sometimes is better organized with pros and cons I also number them from 1-10 because obv one pro can be better it worse then a single con. This just helps to organize the mess of thoughts. I just have to make sure not to turn it into a compulsion and only use it for rly important decisions
- Date posted
- 3y
It depends how bad is bad
- Date posted
- 3y
This is a huge huge struggle for me and my relationship. My OCD acts like the morality police towards my partner- mentally shaming him and punishing him for things that even I have done. He’s not perfect and hes screwed up before big time. But my brain can’t accept loving this person anyway- it always tells me to leave or get rid of him because he’s “bad” and has done “bad things”. It is really difficult to separate the two. It does depend on the situation but if you can separate that person from what they’ve done (they are not their mistakes, just like we are not our thoughts), then you might have better luck deciding how to move forward
- Date posted
- 3y
Like has he cheated on you? Because Cheating is a big deal and it wouldn’t have anything to do with OCD if you were really pissed off and judging him for that because Cheating is worthy of being judged Harshly
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 Oh shoot I totally lost the thread of this conversation I thought it was responding to the guy sorry not that I’m not willing to talk about what you’re going through if you want to but I got totally mixed up
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 Haha no worries. But just to play devils advocate, even cheating has grey area. For some people, it’s a total dealbreaker and means the end of their relationship. For others, they choose to work through it. Morality is relative to your personal values and not everything is as black and white as it seems
- Date posted
- 3y
@rewilding Cheating should be. Unless there’s been really specific rules and guidelines to stuff like that certain place before the relationship Cheating should be dealt with harshly. 99% of cheaters are never sorry and I hate seeing a cheater happy because they don’t deserve it
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 Right, and if that’s your values, then if you ever had to deal with that situation, you would know what to do. But not everyone feels the same. That’s all I’m trying to say ☺️
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- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(
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- Date posted
- 19w
I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.
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