- Username
- Squid Melon
- Date posted
- 842d ago
- Real Events OCD
- Relationship OCD
It depends how bad is bad
This is a huge huge struggle for me and my relationship. My OCD acts like the morality police towards my partner- mentally shaming him and punishing him for things that even I have done. He’s not perfect and hes screwed up before big time. But my brain can’t accept loving this person anyway- it always tells me to leave or get rid of him because he’s “bad” and has done “bad things”. It is really difficult to separate the two. It does depend on the situation but if you can separate that person from what they’ve done (they are not their mistakes, just like we are not our thoughts), then you might have better luck deciding how to move forward
Like has he cheated on you? Because Cheating is a big deal and it wouldn’t have anything to do with OCD if you were really pissed off and judging him for that because Cheating is worthy of being judged Harshly
@Bookworm91 Oh shoot I totally lost the thread of this conversation I thought it was responding to the guy sorry not that I’m not willing to talk about what you’re going through if you want to but I got totally mixed up
@Bookworm91 Haha no worries. But just to play devils advocate, even cheating has grey area. For some people, it’s a total dealbreaker and means the end of their relationship. For others, they choose to work through it. Morality is relative to your personal values and not everything is as black and white as it seems
@rewilding Cheating should be. Unless there’s been really specific rules and guidelines to stuff like that certain place before the relationship Cheating should be dealt with harshly. 99% of cheaters are never sorry and I hate seeing a cheater happy because they don’t deserve it
@Bookworm91 Right, and if that’s your values, then if you ever had to deal with that situation, you would know what to do. But not everyone feels the same. That’s all I’m trying to say ☺️
I get very very very bad moral ocd. I think two things: a good way to understand what’s you and what’s ocd is to give it a voice/name and let it talk. And when you hear it talking ask “is that ocd” and let it respond. Most the time for me it answers grumpily but that just confirms it. My second thing, it is IMPOSSIBLE to say one thing is good and one thing is bad. We have a general idea but it’s imessuable. For me when it comes to people I don’t need in my life, even though it’s hard to remove judgement and emotion I have to take a moment to say “is this person helping or hurting me?” You’re aloud to feel hurt and that’s so valid and you can also bring some wise mind into it. Also, my ocd sometimes is better organized with pros and cons I also number them from 1-10 because obv one pro can be better it worse then a single con. This just helps to organize the mess of thoughts. I just have to make sure not to turn it into a compulsion and only use it for rly important decisions
Thanks for sharing your current experience. I would say that you should be very proud of yourself for 1st noticing the anxiety, distress, and discomfort and letting those feelings of anxiety, fear, etc. be there.This is a perfect time to as I like to say "practice" ERP. Practice not analyzing any of those points you mentioned and place your attention on this present moment. Feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breathe, go for a walk, read, go hangout with a close companion, or play a sport. Not avoiding the discomfort, but choosing to do things you want to do and not give any attention to dwelling on that.The most important part being the response prevention. Not easy, but part of the work. When this type of situation occurs and we are in environments in which we are organically exposed to distress, use this as an opportunity to practice doing the work! This allows for two things; showing yourself you can handle and tolerate it, and also letting your body know that although you feel uncomfortable you are willing to keep doing whatever it is you are doing and getting on with your day! This is the foundation!