How do you deal with the intrusive thoughts around babies about you doing something bad to them? I'm constantly getting these thoughts while babysitting my cousin even though I wouldn't do bad things these thoughts bother me so much

I had this experience with my niece and nephew. I love babies so much, in general. I obviously loved them that much more! But my OCD was intense around that time in my life (undiagnosed) and it was so hard for me to take care of them on my own even though I wanted to. I pushed through and enjoyed my time with them when they were little and I'm happy you're doing that too! When intrusive thoughts pop up, the first thing I do is recognize that it's my OCD showing up uninvited. See it as something outside of who you are... like it just rolls up on the scene beside you. Acknowledge it for what it is and tell it you're not interested in engaging. You'll still feel anxious but if you focus on the fact (it IS a fact) that the OCD doesn't represent who you are or what you actually want to/will do, that will help reframe it. Thoughts are harmless. Sit with the feelings you have and let them settle without feeding them by engaging in the story that usually follows. Be patient with yourself. It's ok if this is difficult but the less you fight against it and the more you let it be there, the easier it gets with practice. Then pivot away from it. Interact in a silly way with your cousin. Sing and talk to them or read to them! Do something to engage your brain in a positive activity that has meaning in that situation. Beyond that, definitely try ERP around that particular theme so that you can move past it in an intentional way. You can do this!

Imaginal scenario. This theme is probably good to work with your therapist for guidance. The idea of this kind of exercise (can be used for any theme that you wouldn't or couldn't exposure yourself to in real life like a criminal act, for example) is that you write a story about yourself in the present tense and in detail. It will cause anxiety, of course, but you write it all out anyway. Write out the curcumstance, where you are, what you do, the consequences, trial, conviction, everything. All the way to whatevrr you most fear as the ultimate outcpme. Then you read it over and over until the words begin to lose meaning and your anxiety settles to a manageable level (like a 40 or 50 out of 100). When it is lower, you can stop and resume your regular life activities. You work with that every day or two. Your brain will get bored, the words and the story no longer have meaning. It will stop triggering an anxious response. Given the content, maybe give it a title that makes it clear that it is an imaginal worst case fictional activity for your exposure and response therapy. But again, working with a therapist that specializes in OCD is highly recommended. I also have a workbook that would help "The OCD workbook" by Bruce Hymen which helps guide this kind of work.

I get SO incredibly nervous and anxious when holding babies. I'm okay if they are like 6 to 9 months old. But smaller babies, especially newborns. The entire time I will be freaking out. I was terrified that I was going to drop the baby on its head and give it permanent brain damage. It was even worse if the baby started squirming or moving around. I could not give the kid back fast enough.

its awesome you still babysit even with your thoughts! that is a good exposure in itself. when you start to get your thoughts, don't try to rationalize them. instead, when you get these thoughts around your cousin, just allow the thoughts to live in your mind but continue on with them! you are allowing the obsession to happen without negotiating it with a compulsion.

I babysit family too and it makes me sick. I try to be like ANYWAY, and make a whole new different thought. I don't try to rationalize the thought to myself or act like I should convince myself that i won't do something. But i don't know if this is the correct thing to do.

I'm confronting my HOCD in the new year by volunteering (through the health care system in my province) to visit parents of newborn twins and triplets for a few hours a week to help out- I get to hold and feed the babies. Burp them. And interact with them gently. I adore babies so I'm as excited about it as I am fearful. But it'll be a win-win-win for the parents, the babies, and for me!