Just kind of an ERP vent. Anyone wanna talk about this experience? It’s bumming me out. So I’ve been doing ERP exercises daily to help myself get over this theme. I started out with ERP towards the gender I have had intrusive thoughts about (men), and it helped knock out a lot of the intrusive stuff and false attractions, but working on my ERP towards women has been rather difficult. I’m still getting mental blocks. I’m trying to expose myself to them and get over false anxiety and other negative false emotions. It’s worked, but it feels like I’m stuck right now. Anyone else getting frustrated? I know ERP is a process, but it feels like it’s taking absolutely forever. Anyone wanna talk / vent about ERP frustrations?

Hello. I actually began my therapy sessions yesterday and will be diving into ERP next week. I am extremely nervous because right now I am feeling triggered by literally everything around me—looking at any girl makes me feel like I’m attracted to them, and looking at every guys makes me feel like I am not attracted to them, even though I identify as a straight female. I am terrified that because all of these thoughts feel so real means that they are, and I’ve spent so much time analyzing past experiences (especially once’s where my social anxiety felt high around any other women) that my mind has convinced me that these thoughts are not even intrusive anymore. The thought of that absolutely freaks me out, solely because that is not personally who I am, but I’m worried that I’m not just in denial and my ERP will bring that truth to light.

I’ve had one girlfriend before. Which makes this hard as you can imagine. I’ve always preferred guys. Even my ex girlfriend looked like a dude. I thought she was a gay man when she messaged me! Worrying about my sexuality never bothered me or I stressed about it until I met someone in my life that no one else have ever mattered to me as much as the man i have now. Soocd is a threat. Rocd is a threat. Ocd attacks things that are most important to you. I see it as a trauma response for me personally. “You dont love him you should run” “You’re in denial stop lying to yourself you have to break up with him” What do both of those things have in common? The act of leaving because of whatever reason ocd is telling me. I have a very traumatic past with relationships which makes sense why I have the issues I have now. (I will also point out I have BPD and split which makes it so much harder. Its always B&W thinking). My boyfriend is the most loving, kind, patient, most understanding person i’ve ever met. He is everything I dreamed of having today. So you’d see why this would be so frustrating. The bottom line is I’m not going to break up with him. I’m not going to do what the OCD wants me to do because 1. i simply don’t want to 2. i have the CHOICE not to. Those aren’t easier either because whatever you are thinking and trying to fight off OCD will always have something lined up to fight you with. Exposures are so scary. Life in general is scary. There’s always risks wether we like it or not. If you or I really want to beat OCD you HAVE to do the exposures and what your therapist tells you to do. They’ve heard it all. You or I are not special cases. OCD patterns are all pretty much the same just different themes and compulsions.

I have been working with my therapist on SOOCD. I originally found out I had OCD through ROCD and it escalated to the soocd later on. Its terrible. Exposures suck. Sitting with the thoughts suck. I know what I want. I feel a lot of resistance for the things I want. It makes me feel I can’t have them. Like they’re saying “too bad you don’t get to choose your sexuality and you’re in denial” I very much do not want to leave my boyfriend. I do not want to be involved with women. I used to identify as Bisexual but i’m not entirely sure anymore. I’m doing my best to not figure it out because it leads to ruminating. I’m getting better at letting thoughts be there without doing any urgent action its telling me to do. It just takes timw

Keep going! You can do it. It’s not easy but definitely worth it! Also, I would say to try your best to not analyze by placing your attention elsewhere as it can lead to emotional reasoning. It really begins with consistently practicing foundational steps whatever that looks like for you. Educating yourself, learning with a NOCD therapist, attending webinars, etc. I read an article yesterday by a Dr. Greenberg about rumination and it really covers how even asking things like this are typically forms of rumination and analyzing. So instead how about you sit with the doubt, discomfort, anxiety, and get back to whatever it is you were doing before. Were you reading, eating, exercising?… good, go and do something for yourself, not to avoid thoughts…but to focus on what actually matters to you.

ERP is rough, but that's the nature of the beast! I did some hard ERP tonight wearing a dress (I am a man and I have been experiencing gender ID OCD) in front of mirror and it was nerve-wracking! Having valued certainty for so long it's really rough to embrace the uncertainty. Solidarity!

^ I think my OCD is extreme fear of abandonment/ terrified of getting absolutely heartbroken and my coping mechanisms have always been to run and avoid

How did you have the discipline to do self ERP ? And how did you start off in your case ?