Anyone with HOCD struggling to open up to family members in fear that it means you are “coming out,” even though you don’t not want to have these thoughts? I have kept all of my intrusive thoughts in and want to open up to my family but I know it will make them look at me differently because these thoughts go against our values and have never been something I have had before. My biggest fear is that by sharing this with them and beginning my ERP that these thoughts will become true, which is the last thing I want.

Sexual Orientation OCD

cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Thank you for that. My biggest struggle right now is how real the thoughts feel and how much they make me doubt myself and my past relationships. I can recognize and appreciate when I see a girl that is attractive, but I have never been compelled to pursue anything with a girl because I am straight. I haven’t been in a relationship in awhile and I think that that is what is making these thoughts feel so real because I have gotten so much in my own head that I’m forgetting how much I loved my past boyfriends. However, I have only ever loved men in the past and am naturally just drawn to men. The thought of coming out and being with only women in the future makes me sick because I want a future with a man, so I’m trying to keep that in mind but it’s difficult when the thoughts become so loud and overwhelming.

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

Yes , they can make me really doubt my past relationships as well , everything around them can be a trigger , just watching movies or even looking at girls on TikTok became a trigger for me , because I think they are attractive but then my brain start questioning if I’m faking or whatever , but I know I found them attractive

Brave through

Date posted: 3y ago

I had the same thoughts a few months ago before my ocd got worse and now i feel like everything that i think is real and that did I imagine a life with the same sex?! What if i did ?!! What then?! How do i tell myself I don’t want to pursue anything with a girl?! I was so sure i never wanted to but in the last 2 months i question that too which makes me think as if this is my process if coming out?!? And that the thoughts are true and that all that past stuff was fake?!! Idk what to do?!? Is this even ocd anymore…

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

i shared with my father and he was okay with it , he said that he would be fine with me I was a different orientation but that he believed that it was just a thought that was making me annoyed

cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Thank you for sharing that. My biggest problem right now is that if my thoughts are true, I would not be able to accept that, so I am trying to use that as a reminder that these thoughts are just thoughts. However, this just seems to be drowned out by the fact that my thoughts keep telling me that I am something that I don’t want to be.

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

@cf05 I talked to a gay friend of mine about this and he calmed me down a lot in this situation , said that the most I could be was bi , he told me that with 10 years old he could tell that he was gay already , and his anxiety would be if people would accept him , he told that he never really questioned if he was gay or not , he just knew since he was born , he also told me that he doesn’t know much gay people who “ found out “ they were gay later in life , they just knew or had a curiosity and then they were happy , if these thoughts give you anxiety , make you feel bad , it’s just an OCD thought , I know what it’s like to be in love with a girl and it’s not what I’m feeling right now that means to be in love

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

@cf05 And also he said that he never had a crush on a girl and that the gay thoughts on his head were pleasurable and that when he thought about living a life with a man , it made him happy

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

@cf05 He never got an erection towards a woman for example , I’ve only got erections towards woman , another thing that could be good to understand is that is normal to be straight and find people of the same sex attractive , I think that girls have a better understanding of that than boys , let me try to give you and advise , go on the streets and rate the girls you see in how attractive they are from 1 to 10 , you’ll see how normal that is , I know it sounds complicated to do it , but try it and trust yourself if you ever had crush on a man or fell in love with one and never had that with a girl , then you are straight

Justmesadly

Date posted: 3y ago

Odds are your parents will think you’re coming out to them, and you’re likely wanting to tell them your thoughts as a way of seeking reassurance. Erp will not make thoughts come true it only takes away the anxiety of them

Brian K.

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi cf05, I’m no doctor, but I would say yes, to your question about if this is still your OCD. It feeds off your doubt so it will latch onto anything and everything that could possibly cause you distress. ERP will not make your intrusive thoughts come true. If ERP lessens your anxiety too low, OCD may try to back door spike you into thinking the reason you are not anxious enough is because they were always true, but that’s OCD not ERP. I had similar intrusive thoughts about a year ago when I hadn’t been in a relationship for a few years and was so much in my head ruminating about how none of my previous relationships worked out and maybe the reason they didn’t was because i was never really attracted to them and maybe I was wrong about my sexuality. However, as I started my OCD recovery and ERP, those thoughts got the volume turned down on them and I started to not pay them any mind at all. About telling your parents about your intrusive thoughts, how much do they understand OCD and intrusive thoughts in general? Do they know about your ROCD or any other subtypes you may have. Asking because If they already understand how intrusive thoughts work and know about your ROCD then they should understand that these thoughts were not chosen by you and that you are not your intrusive thoughts. They should not think this is you coming out because they know that intrusive thoughts are the tools OCD uses to mess with you and fill you with doubt. If however, they do not fully understand OCD and intrusive thoughts in general, I would try to ease them in and educate them on the basics first before getting to what kind of OCD you have and what your intrusive thoughts are. Not to reassure, but those who understand OCD and intrusive thoughts should never judge you for your intrusive thoughts/urges, they should understand that they are not made by your choosing, but rather your OCD bully. Try to hang in there and stay strong against your OCD bully. Best wishes and take care.

cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi there. Thank you for your kind and informational response. The past couple days I actually felt a sense of relief from my symptoms and was starting to get a glimpse of my old self back it felt like. It was much easier for me to interact normally with my family and friends and it was seriously the greatest weight lifted off of my shoulders to feel like, for the first time in a month, I was not replaying intrusive thoughts over and over in my head. However, last night and this morning I have gone down hill again. My mind is endlessly ruminating over past experiences and encounters and trying to convince me that I felt a certain way, while at the same time it is completely ignoring the past experiences and relationships I actually have been in the prove my thoughts wrong. I am just feeling anxious about not ever being able to be in a healthy relationship again like I was before because these thoughts are all consuming. It doesn’t make sense to me that two days ago I had no problem at all saying “these are just thoughts, they are not reality and are therefore nothing to stress about” because these thoughts are not me. But like I said, they are starting to feel incredibly real again. Any tips on how to keep feeling Berger?

nae nae

Date posted: 19w ago

I'm sorry. Just need to vent. :(

This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 17w ago

Self pleasure and intrusive thoughts :/

I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh

POCD

nae nae

Date posted: 12w ago

CSA + fear of becoming like abusers

Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍

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