Anyone with HOCD struggling to open up to family members in fear that it means you are “coming out,” even though you don’t not want to have these thoughts? I have kept all of my intrusive thoughts in and want to open up to my family but I know it will make them look at me differently because these thoughts go against our values and have never been something I have had before. My biggest fear is that by sharing this with them and beginning my ERP that these thoughts will become true, which is the last thing I want.

Sexual Orientation OCD

cf05

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for that. My biggest struggle right now is how real the thoughts feel and how much they make me doubt myself and my past relationships. I can recognize and appreciate when I see a girl that is attractive, but I have never been compelled to pursue anything with a girl because I am straight. I haven’t been in a relationship in awhile and I think that that is what is making these thoughts feel so real because I have gotten so much in my own head that I’m forgetting how much I loved my past boyfriends. However, I have only ever loved men in the past and am naturally just drawn to men. The thought of coming out and being with only women in the future makes me sick because I want a future with a man, so I’m trying to keep that in mind but it’s difficult when the thoughts become so loud and overwhelming.

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y

Yes , they can make me really doubt my past relationships as well , everything around them can be a trigger , just watching movies or even looking at girls on TikTok became a trigger for me , because I think they are attractive but then my brain start questioning if I’m faking or whatever , but I know I found them attractive

Brave through

Date posted: 3y

I had the same thoughts a few months ago before my ocd got worse and now i feel like everything that i think is real and that did I imagine a life with the same sex?! What if i did ?!! What then?! How do i tell myself I don’t want to pursue anything with a girl?! I was so sure i never wanted to but in the last 2 months i question that too which makes me think as if this is my process if coming out?!? And that the thoughts are true and that all that past stuff was fake?!! Idk what to do?!? Is this even ocd anymore…

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y

i shared with my father and he was okay with it , he said that he would be fine with me I was a different orientation but that he believed that it was just a thought that was making me annoyed

cf05

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for sharing that. My biggest problem right now is that if my thoughts are true, I would not be able to accept that, so I am trying to use that as a reminder that these thoughts are just thoughts. However, this just seems to be drowned out by the fact that my thoughts keep telling me that I am something that I don’t want to be.

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y

@cf05 I talked to a gay friend of mine about this and he calmed me down a lot in this situation , said that the most I could be was bi , he told me that with 10 years old he could tell that he was gay already , and his anxiety would be if people would accept him , he told that he never really questioned if he was gay or not , he just knew since he was born , he also told me that he doesn’t know much gay people who “ found out “ they were gay later in life , they just knew or had a curiosity and then they were happy , if these thoughts give you anxiety , make you feel bad , it’s just an OCD thought , I know what it’s like to be in love with a girl and it’s not what I’m feeling right now that means to be in love

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y

@cf05 And also he said that he never had a crush on a girl and that the gay thoughts on his head were pleasurable and that when he thought about living a life with a man , it made him happy

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y

@cf05 He never got an erection towards a woman for example , I’ve only got erections towards woman , another thing that could be good to understand is that is normal to be straight and find people of the same sex attractive , I think that girls have a better understanding of that than boys , let me try to give you and advise , go on the streets and rate the girls you see in how attractive they are from 1 to 10 , you’ll see how normal that is , I know it sounds complicated to do it , but try it and trust yourself if you ever had crush on a man or fell in love with one and never had that with a girl , then you are straight

Justmesadly

Date posted: 3y

Odds are your parents will think you’re coming out to them, and you’re likely wanting to tell them your thoughts as a way of seeking reassurance. Erp will not make thoughts come true it only takes away the anxiety of them

Brian K.

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 3y

Hi cf05, I’m no doctor, but I would say yes, to your question about if this is still your OCD. It feeds off your doubt so it will latch onto anything and everything that could possibly cause you distress. ERP will not make your intrusive thoughts come true. If ERP lessens your anxiety too low, OCD may try to back door spike you into thinking the reason you are not anxious enough is because they were always true, but that’s OCD not ERP. I had similar intrusive thoughts about a year ago when I hadn’t been in a relationship for a few years and was so much in my head ruminating about how none of my previous relationships worked out and maybe the reason they didn’t was because i was never really attracted to them and maybe I was wrong about my sexuality. However, as I started my OCD recovery and ERP, those thoughts got the volume turned down on them and I started to not pay them any mind at all. About telling your parents about your intrusive thoughts, how much do they understand OCD and intrusive thoughts in general? Do they know about your ROCD or any other subtypes you may have. Asking because If they already understand how intrusive thoughts work and know about your ROCD then they should understand that these thoughts were not chosen by you and that you are not your intrusive thoughts. They should not think this is you coming out because they know that intrusive thoughts are the tools OCD uses to mess with you and fill you with doubt. If however, they do not fully understand OCD and intrusive thoughts in general, I would try to ease them in and educate them on the basics first before getting to what kind of OCD you have and what your intrusive thoughts are. Not to reassure, but those who understand OCD and intrusive thoughts should never judge you for your intrusive thoughts/urges, they should understand that they are not made by your choosing, but rather your OCD bully. Try to hang in there and stay strong against your OCD bully. Best wishes and take care.

cf05

Date posted: 3y

Hi there. Thank you for your kind and informational response. The past couple days I actually felt a sense of relief from my symptoms and was starting to get a glimpse of my old self back it felt like. It was much easier for me to interact normally with my family and friends and it was seriously the greatest weight lifted off of my shoulders to feel like, for the first time in a month, I was not replaying intrusive thoughts over and over in my head. However, last night and this morning I have gone down hill again. My mind is endlessly ruminating over past experiences and encounters and trying to convince me that I felt a certain way, while at the same time it is completely ignoring the past experiences and relationships I actually have been in the prove my thoughts wrong. I am just feeling anxious about not ever being able to be in a healthy relationship again like I was before because these thoughts are all consuming. It doesn’t make sense to me that two days ago I had no problem at all saying “these are just thoughts, they are not reality and are therefore nothing to stress about” because these thoughts are not me. But like I said, they are starting to feel incredibly real again. Any tips on how to keep feeling Berger?

Brigitta

Date posted: 22w

OCD takes over me

I feel like one of the worst things about ocd are the disturbing images or the ‘little movies’ that replay in your head over and over again. I have the worst sexual images with one of my family members that actually so bad that I can’t even look in the mirror. And it’s even worse that I have a lovely boyfriend and I’m so disgusted of myself that I feel like I don’t deserve him and I feel like I can’t be with him because of these thoughts, even he is the most precious thing in my life. These sexual images are so horrible and what makes it even worse that in these pictures I always see myself as someone who enjoys it. I know how to deal with this anymore. My mind is trying to convince me that that I actually like these images and thoughts and this is the hardest part, that I’m doubting myself. These images pop up in my head so naturally that I always question myself if I actually don’t like it why it comes so naturally or how can my brain picture things like this if I don’t like it. It’s getting worse day by day. It’s in my head 24/7, can’t concentrate on anything else, I can’t eat because I’m constantly throwing up. And my mom has to sleep with me every night because I’m so disturbed by my own mind. My parents know that there’s something wrong with me, they think I’m depressed but sadly It’s not something I can talk openly about with them. I’m seeing a therapist next week but I’m genuinely scared to open up about these thoughts that I’m having.

nae nae

Date posted: 21w

CSA + fear of becoming like abusers

Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍

g_rangel

Date posted: 6w

spiraling again.

i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time

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