Anyone with HOCD struggling to open up to family members in fear that it means you are “coming out,” even though you don’t not want to have these thoughts? I have kept all of my intrusive thoughts in and want to open up to my family but I know it will make them look at me differently because these thoughts go against our values and have never been something I have had before. My biggest fear is that by sharing this with them and beginning my ERP that these thoughts will become true, which is the last thing I want.

Sexual Orientation OCD

cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Thank you for that. My biggest struggle right now is how real the thoughts feel and how much they make me doubt myself and my past relationships. I can recognize and appreciate when I see a girl that is attractive, but I have never been compelled to pursue anything with a girl because I am straight. I haven’t been in a relationship in awhile and I think that that is what is making these thoughts feel so real because I have gotten so much in my own head that I’m forgetting how much I loved my past boyfriends. However, I have only ever loved men in the past and am naturally just drawn to men. The thought of coming out and being with only women in the future makes me sick because I want a future with a man, so I’m trying to keep that in mind but it’s difficult when the thoughts become so loud and overwhelming.

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

Yes , they can make me really doubt my past relationships as well , everything around them can be a trigger , just watching movies or even looking at girls on TikTok became a trigger for me , because I think they are attractive but then my brain start questioning if I’m faking or whatever , but I know I found them attractive

Brave through

Date posted: 3y ago

I had the same thoughts a few months ago before my ocd got worse and now i feel like everything that i think is real and that did I imagine a life with the same sex?! What if i did ?!! What then?! How do i tell myself I don’t want to pursue anything with a girl?! I was so sure i never wanted to but in the last 2 months i question that too which makes me think as if this is my process if coming out?!? And that the thoughts are true and that all that past stuff was fake?!! Idk what to do?!? Is this even ocd anymore…

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

i shared with my father and he was okay with it , he said that he would be fine with me I was a different orientation but that he believed that it was just a thought that was making me annoyed

cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Thank you for sharing that. My biggest problem right now is that if my thoughts are true, I would not be able to accept that, so I am trying to use that as a reminder that these thoughts are just thoughts. However, this just seems to be drowned out by the fact that my thoughts keep telling me that I am something that I don’t want to be.

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

@cf05 I talked to a gay friend of mine about this and he calmed me down a lot in this situation , said that the most I could be was bi , he told me that with 10 years old he could tell that he was gay already , and his anxiety would be if people would accept him , he told that he never really questioned if he was gay or not , he just knew since he was born , he also told me that he doesn’t know much gay people who “ found out “ they were gay later in life , they just knew or had a curiosity and then they were happy , if these thoughts give you anxiety , make you feel bad , it’s just an OCD thought , I know what it’s like to be in love with a girl and it’s not what I’m feeling right now that means to be in love

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

@cf05 And also he said that he never had a crush on a girl and that the gay thoughts on his head were pleasurable and that when he thought about living a life with a man , it made him happy

2022Recovery

Date posted: 3y ago

@cf05 He never got an erection towards a woman for example , I’ve only got erections towards woman , another thing that could be good to understand is that is normal to be straight and find people of the same sex attractive , I think that girls have a better understanding of that than boys , let me try to give you and advise , go on the streets and rate the girls you see in how attractive they are from 1 to 10 , you’ll see how normal that is , I know it sounds complicated to do it , but try it and trust yourself if you ever had crush on a man or fell in love with one and never had that with a girl , then you are straight

Justmesadly

Date posted: 3y ago

Odds are your parents will think you’re coming out to them, and you’re likely wanting to tell them your thoughts as a way of seeking reassurance. Erp will not make thoughts come true it only takes away the anxiety of them

Brian K.

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi cf05, I’m no doctor, but I would say yes, to your question about if this is still your OCD. It feeds off your doubt so it will latch onto anything and everything that could possibly cause you distress. ERP will not make your intrusive thoughts come true. If ERP lessens your anxiety too low, OCD may try to back door spike you into thinking the reason you are not anxious enough is because they were always true, but that’s OCD not ERP. I had similar intrusive thoughts about a year ago when I hadn’t been in a relationship for a few years and was so much in my head ruminating about how none of my previous relationships worked out and maybe the reason they didn’t was because i was never really attracted to them and maybe I was wrong about my sexuality. However, as I started my OCD recovery and ERP, those thoughts got the volume turned down on them and I started to not pay them any mind at all. About telling your parents about your intrusive thoughts, how much do they understand OCD and intrusive thoughts in general? Do they know about your ROCD or any other subtypes you may have. Asking because If they already understand how intrusive thoughts work and know about your ROCD then they should understand that these thoughts were not chosen by you and that you are not your intrusive thoughts. They should not think this is you coming out because they know that intrusive thoughts are the tools OCD uses to mess with you and fill you with doubt. If however, they do not fully understand OCD and intrusive thoughts in general, I would try to ease them in and educate them on the basics first before getting to what kind of OCD you have and what your intrusive thoughts are. Not to reassure, but those who understand OCD and intrusive thoughts should never judge you for your intrusive thoughts/urges, they should understand that they are not made by your choosing, but rather your OCD bully. Try to hang in there and stay strong against your OCD bully. Best wishes and take care.

cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi there. Thank you for your kind and informational response. The past couple days I actually felt a sense of relief from my symptoms and was starting to get a glimpse of my old self back it felt like. It was much easier for me to interact normally with my family and friends and it was seriously the greatest weight lifted off of my shoulders to feel like, for the first time in a month, I was not replaying intrusive thoughts over and over in my head. However, last night and this morning I have gone down hill again. My mind is endlessly ruminating over past experiences and encounters and trying to convince me that I felt a certain way, while at the same time it is completely ignoring the past experiences and relationships I actually have been in the prove my thoughts wrong. I am just feeling anxious about not ever being able to be in a healthy relationship again like I was before because these thoughts are all consuming. It doesn’t make sense to me that two days ago I had no problem at all saying “these are just thoughts, they are not reality and are therefore nothing to stress about” because these thoughts are not me. But like I said, they are starting to feel incredibly real again. Any tips on how to keep feeling Berger?

missbluesky

Date posted: 22w ago

Therapy

I know I need therapy. I have a flare up every three months that rocks my world— it’s been like this for four years. I’m just too scared. I’m too scared to have a therapist tell me I’m a lesbian. I’m too scared to do ERP and have it not work because it wasn’t actually OCD. I’m too scared for the ERP to work and me finally feel comfortable with being bisexual or a lesbian. I don’t want any of that to happen. I don’t understand how I can get over this and still be straight. I’m petrified at the thought of therapy, but what is going to happen to me?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Solrose

Date posted: 21w ago

Incest Thoughts. Long Vent.

I’m so tired of my OCD changing “themes.” And no matter what it changes to, it’s always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and she’s very supportive. I’m 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I can’t even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that I’m attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if I’m in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now I’m thinking maybe I’ve never pursued a relationship with someone else because I’m actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I can’t so I’m just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so I’m hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If I’m with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I can’t help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, “you want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.” I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I don’t want these things to be true, but what if they are and I can’t help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that I’m in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.

hopelytle

Date posted: 17w ago

Question for those who have been in therapy

I am wanting to go to therapy to hopefully lower my OCD symptoms but I am terrified to tell anyone else, like a therapist, about my intrusive thoughts. Has anyone else had this experience and if so how did you get over it?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community