- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I don't know If it is possible or not. But surely; if you have anxiety/doubts/fears about a future relationship, therapy will help you understand better whatever it is, and most important how to manage everything!! I think it is a beautiful idea start already the healing journey!! Good luck!!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I don't know if it answers you or not, but at this point I don't think I can date ever again. I'm a hopeless romantic but the moment I'm faced with someone I like possibly liking me back I am so anxious I can't function. I don't have a specific fear, I just despise romance in real life despite wanting it so badly in daydreams. I've basically resigned myself to being lonely. I'm too scared of anything else
- Date posted
- 3y
You know, maby it is because you fantasticise it too much, and you fear that it will not be like in your expectations...
- Date posted
- 3y
@eoid Sorry I'm not a psychologist or anything, didn't mean to judge!
- Date posted
- 3y
I had a similar problem with touch, with people I like. Especially with my first bf, I used get too anxious, not even panicking but I was litterally blocked! It was strange and I don't know why I had it. I know that the first thing that helped me was talking about my "problem" to the other person, so he could not take it personally and think that I don't liked him. And the other thing was going really really slow; little steps every time. I remember that the first dates I gave him a number of hug.. like today you can hug me 5 time! Haha
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@eoid Interesting. My ex was never understanding. But even just being in his vicinity made all my nerves on high alert
- Date posted
- 3y
@Kaylaaaa Well... it sounds like a really good erp to me!
- Date posted
- 3y
@eoid Joking obviously! Maby you can try a pyramid system! Like get used for example to text him sometimes, when you stop feeling so anxious, maby some calls, and goes that way! For me worked well also get used to the person and be able to trust him! But also the "living in the moment" kind of mentality! Do something without programs before with him! I am not a professional, and everyone Is different... but for me all of that worked!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@eoid Last Wednesday I went to a Christmas market with the girl I like... now I'm convinced I had zero feelings whatsoever and also am a bag of anciery and never want to date again đ˘
- Date posted
- 3y
@Kaylaaaa Uhh sorry I assumed it was a him :( Hey you should know that feeling aren't everything! Like, you can love someone, even if in that moments you can feel nothing! Maby you can find something that help you let the stress out! Like a sport... or an hobby!
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes this was me for the longest time. It's actually harder than in a relationship cause you can't do behaviour experiments and exposures as easily
- Date posted
- 3y
Any advice for me? đ what did you do? Did you just wait to address it until you were in a relationship? I feel itâs probably not the best idea to just forget about it until then. Any tips are appreciated. đĽ´
- Date posted
- 3y
@mangoflavoredocd You know you can do imaginal exposures and such right? There are people with harm OCD or pedophilia OCD for whom actual full exposures make no sense to do.
- Date posted
- 3y
@arunb Oh I never really thought about that. You think thatâll be enough?
- Date posted
- 3y
@mangoflavoredocd No, nothing is ever enough for OCD lol, we have to change our entire approach to life
Related posts
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 21w
Valentineâs Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include âIs my partner âThe Oneââ? âMaybe I am meant to be with someone elseâ. âWhat if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/herâ? âI find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with Xâ? âDo I even love my partner? What if they donât love me?â This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the ârightâ relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no âperfect relationshipâ. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 21w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasnât a major factor then. It wasnât until my longest relationshipâsix years from age 18 to 24âthat OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasnât the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldnât let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if Iâm with the wrong person? Iâd break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then Iâd question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could âwithstand it this time,â only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadnât built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed upâquestioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I havenât yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know thatâs my next step. Just like Iâve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control meâto learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to âfigure it out.â I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know Iâm not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. Iâm hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I donât expect to eliminate doubt entirelyâafter all, doubt is a part of every relationshipâbut I want to reach a place where it doesnât paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. Iâd love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadnât given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didnât love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if sheâd be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didnât know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand itâs probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but itâs hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
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