I've had OCD for 30+ years now. Started when I was 13. I live each day doing rituals in my head, pretty much 24/7, so that I can live a "good" life and that my family won't be harmed. I primarily suffer from Magical thinking. Like if I don't do my rituals or I screw them up harm might be done to things I love. It sucks. It's debilitating.

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.

Hi everyone sometimes when I try to do something or do something my ocd tells me if I post a certain things or wear certain clothes that that some people in my life won't talk to me or distance themselves away from And I know it's sound crazy, but I feel like it's real what should I do I don't know how to fight it or stop I've been like this since I was 13 I went to therapy and iam taking my medicine but still those thoughts won't stop I don't know how to deal with it

i don’t want to do my compulsions. I feel like if I don’t somebody will get hurt, sick or die. It’s a very scary thought to feel like if I don’t do my compulsions it will be my fault even though it isn’t & nor will it happen. I know it’s magical thinking & my thoughts are not true nor will they come true. it’s just im so tired of doing these compulsions. im so tired of feeling like I can stop something bad happening if I don’t step on this or touch this 4 times. it even got me believing that if I do something I want to do & love, something bad will happen. I just want to be able to live & feel like I use to. I hate ocd. how can I calm this down so I can be able to navigate in my own life?