- Username
- cf05
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Hi I can totally relate to this and the feeling you’re loosing your self! I’m in a relationship and sometimes I find that makes the feelings worse as it can make me feel like I’m being fake in my relationship or pretending to love him, so being single for a while might be what’s best for you at the moment. Something silly I found on tik tok that really helped me was naming my ocd. When it’s bothering you can tell it to f*ck off lol, I think this is really helpful in rediscovering yourself prior to ocd as it almost creates a separate identity to it, it’s like a whole separate part of yourself that you can just tell to leave you alone! I hope this helps you, you will get there!
I appreciate this, thank you. I guess I’m just struggling to differentiate what I am feeling with what I actually want. The thought of being gay makes me sick because that is not how I personally want my life to look but I can’t tell if the reason I feel sick is because I secretly know it’s true. I just feel like a fraud because I have been keeping this to myself because it is so shameful and I want to tell my family so I do not feel like I am fighting this battle alone but I know that doing so will seem like I am coming out and that is the last thing I want. I am scared to make new friends out of the fear that I will be attracted to them because I’ve spent so much time convincing myself that I am gay that it is starting to feel more logical and real than me being straight. Plus, all of the memories I have of these thoughts popping up are making everything so much worse because it makes it seem like there’s no way it’s just OCD. I am so scared I will never recover from this and be happy with a man again and am so jealous of people who do not deal with this. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you find relief in the midst of panic?
@cf05 This is so similar to how I used to feel! It took months to feel better, but now if I feel bad it rarely lasts long. Something that really helped me was telling my boyfriend (you could tell a friend maybe?) I totally get the thought of being scared or nervous, but they will understand, they love you and just want to help you! As soon as I told him I showed him a video about h-ocd so he knew I was being serious and this is real! He encouraged me to speak to my family and it’s such a weight off my shoulders! To answer your question on I how to find relief during panic; I’m not really sure😂 to be honest sometimes it’s really hard; I spent the whole of Christmas crying because I was so overwhelmed by my ocd but it’s important to remember there were times you didn’t feel like this; they’re just intrusive thoughts! They’re not real, when you’re in the panic distract yourself and power through remember this is temporary it may not feel like it but it is! I hope you feel better soon sending love
This all sounds like classic SO-OCD. I have the same thoughts and feelings and have this subtype of OCD. It would be worth getting into therapy through Nocd as the therapist her are really knowledgeable and supportive in treating this disorder.
I don't have SO OCD but mine acts the same way as yours. When i find a reason that proves I'm not dumb or useless it always says to me "you just don't want to accept the truth, you're in denial" and when i speak about a subject that i like i get thoughts like "You're pretending you're an intellectual, you're just a pretendious dumb person. You're so fake". It's gotten to a point that i no longer know what i am, everything seems fake and questionable as if my interests and whole life has been a lie.
I feel like my sexual orientation has changed, it truly feels like I’ll never be straight again and I’m heartbroken. I go out in public and I check if I’m attracted to the pretty girls, I start to make new female friends and I worry I like them, I look at them in ways I never did before just to “make sure”. I worry that I’ll enjoy sex and feelings with girls more and that it’ll be greater than what I have with my partner. I worry that my struggle with intimacy with my boyfriend is because I don’t like men as opposed to my insecurities and inexperience and shyness. It feels like I can’t find appeal in men anymore and even though I find no appeal in women either, my mind tells me my lack of attraction means I Need to be attracted to women. I don’t want to. I’ve had two lesbian dreams this week and it felt like I wanted it. I try to imagine myself in same sex scenarios and I get confused , it feels like I want it when at the beginning of this it just didn’t click. It feels like all my close girl friends from my past are secret crushes. It feels like my attraction to men was never real. I’m so scared and so afraid and so lost, I feel like a prisoner. It feels like my sexuality has changed, I Must be attracted to women. Although I know I love my boyfriend deeply, I now worry a women will come and take his place. I hate this. It makes me feel like my bond with my boyfriend isn’t as special , when my bond with him is what I treasure most. Almost All the best days of my life were with him and now I feel like I’ll have to give it up to be with a woman. I feel like I’m living a lie, I feel like I’m going to have to come out and be with women, my grandma will treat me differently. It feels too real, way way too real.
Sharing my story as I don’t know how to go on/to see if others can relate… I have been suffering with these thoughts for almost 5 months now, triggered by a very specific event. For context, I have only ever had crushes on girls/girlfriends and never had any sort of attraction to men - the vision I had of my future was always with a beautiful wife and kids. I have never felt compelled to have these crushes/visions, they just came very naturally. With that said, a very very small part of me was curious to maybe try and have sex with a guy just once to see what it was like. I never expected this to actually happen but it did, 5 months ago. Long story short, it was an experience I really really didn’t like or enjoy (I left halfway through), and I have absolutely no desire to be intimate with a man again. However, ever since, I have had debilitating intrusive thoughts about being gay and actually liking the experience even though I know deep down it’s not for me. I now get really anxious around the same sex (especially people I do not know) for fear of some sort of false attraction to them and find myself ‘noticing’ them more, which is causing significant distress. On the flip side, I feel like my attraction towards girls has diminished, which is just as if not more distressing, as I always found my attractions to girls happened often and naturally (I.e. not forced in the slightest). It feels like my life has been completely taken over and it feels so lonely sometimes. Any form of intimacy with a girl now feels like a mountain to climb - I’m scared that if I’m not 100% attracted to a girl instantly or enjoy intimacy 100%, that must be proof that I’m not straight. A lot of my time now is spent checking my previous sexual encounters for ‘proof’ that I’m straight but I have a crippling fear that I’m lying to myself and all the genuine attraction I have felt towards women must be a lie. Even though deep down I know I am straight, the thoughts feel so real and convincing. They seem to attack all the values/genuine visions of my life that I have, and I just want to return to being as carefree as I was before this whole thing.
*not reassurance seeking* i feel no attraction towards guys anymore but i identify as straight. i feel like im just more aware of attractive women. i i also dont get anxiety from my thoughts. what if its not ocd and im actually in denial? and i get that ocd is a doubting disease but sometimes i have these moments of clarity just for it to go back to hell. sometimes i see a hetero couple and my brain would be like "you want to be in a relationship too but with a woman" and im just like🧍🏾♀️cuz wtf or "u can never be in a relationship with a man bc ull be wondering whether or not you should be with a woman" i had one intrusive thought and immediately lost all attraction and before this i had a crush on a guy for mad long😭its like my feelings changed overnight. i also cant be around my friends who r girls bc my brain is like "u think their walk is cute so u must be gay and in denial" or "they did something cute/adorable so ur gay" this theme is also worse bc im a Christian. does anyone else relate with me? i just want to know that im not alone with these.
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