This all sounds like classic SO-OCD. I have the same thoughts and feelings and have this subtype of OCD. It would be worth getting into therapy through Nocd as the therapist her are really knowledgeable and supportive in treating this disorder.
Hi I can totally relate to this and the feeling you’re loosing your self! I’m in a relationship and sometimes I find that makes the feelings worse as it can make me feel like I’m being fake in my relationship or pretending to love him, so being single for a while might be what’s best for you at the moment. Something silly I found on tik tok that really helped me was naming my ocd. When it’s bothering you can tell it to f*ck off lol, I think this is really helpful in rediscovering yourself prior to ocd as it almost creates a separate identity to it, it’s like a whole separate part of yourself that you can just tell to leave you alone! I hope this helps you, you will get there!
I appreciate this, thank you. I guess I’m just struggling to differentiate what I am feeling with what I actually want. The thought of being gay makes me sick because that is not how I personally want my life to look but I can’t tell if the reason I feel sick is because I secretly know it’s true. I just feel like a fraud because I have been keeping this to myself because it is so shameful and I want to tell my family so I do not feel like I am fighting this battle alone but I know that doing so will seem like I am coming out and that is the last thing I want. I am scared to make new friends out of the fear that I will be attracted to them because I’ve spent so much time convincing myself that I am gay that it is starting to feel more logical and real than me being straight. Plus, all of the memories I have of these thoughts popping up are making everything so much worse because it makes it seem like there’s no way it’s just OCD. I am so scared I will never recover from this and be happy with a man again and am so jealous of people who do not deal with this. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you find relief in the midst of panic?
@cf05 This is so similar to how I used to feel! It took months to feel better, but now if I feel bad it rarely lasts long. Something that really helped me was telling my boyfriend (you could tell a friend maybe?) I totally get the thought of being scared or nervous, but they will understand, they love you and just want to help you! As soon as I told him I showed him a video about h-ocd so he knew I was being serious and this is real! He encouraged me to speak to my family and it’s such a weight off my shoulders! To answer your question on I how to find relief during panic; I’m not really sure😂 to be honest sometimes it’s really hard; I spent the whole of Christmas crying because I was so overwhelmed by my ocd but it’s important to remember there were times you didn’t feel like this; they’re just intrusive thoughts! They’re not real, when you’re in the panic distract yourself and power through remember this is temporary it may not feel like it but it is! I hope you feel better soon sending love
I don't have SO OCD but mine acts the same way as yours. When i find a reason that proves I'm not dumb or useless it always says to me "you just don't want to accept the truth, you're in denial" and when i speak about a subject that i like i get thoughts like "You're pretending you're an intellectual, you're just a pretendious dumb person. You're so fake". It's gotten to a point that i no longer know what i am, everything seems fake and questionable as if my interests and whole life has been a lie.