- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi I can totally relate to this and the feeling you’re loosing your self! I’m in a relationship and sometimes I find that makes the feelings worse as it can make me feel like I’m being fake in my relationship or pretending to love him, so being single for a while might be what’s best for you at the moment. Something silly I found on tik tok that really helped me was naming my ocd. When it’s bothering you can tell it to f*ck off lol, I think this is really helpful in rediscovering yourself prior to ocd as it almost creates a separate identity to it, it’s like a whole separate part of yourself that you can just tell to leave you alone! I hope this helps you, you will get there!
- Date posted
- 3y
I appreciate this, thank you. I guess I’m just struggling to differentiate what I am feeling with what I actually want. The thought of being gay makes me sick because that is not how I personally want my life to look but I can’t tell if the reason I feel sick is because I secretly know it’s true. I just feel like a fraud because I have been keeping this to myself because it is so shameful and I want to tell my family so I do not feel like I am fighting this battle alone but I know that doing so will seem like I am coming out and that is the last thing I want. I am scared to make new friends out of the fear that I will be attracted to them because I’ve spent so much time convincing myself that I am gay that it is starting to feel more logical and real than me being straight. Plus, all of the memories I have of these thoughts popping up are making everything so much worse because it makes it seem like there’s no way it’s just OCD. I am so scared I will never recover from this and be happy with a man again and am so jealous of people who do not deal with this. If you don’t mind me asking, how do you find relief in the midst of panic?
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 This is so similar to how I used to feel! It took months to feel better, but now if I feel bad it rarely lasts long. Something that really helped me was telling my boyfriend (you could tell a friend maybe?) I totally get the thought of being scared or nervous, but they will understand, they love you and just want to help you! As soon as I told him I showed him a video about h-ocd so he knew I was being serious and this is real! He encouraged me to speak to my family and it’s such a weight off my shoulders! To answer your question on I how to find relief during panic; I’m not really sure😂 to be honest sometimes it’s really hard; I spent the whole of Christmas crying because I was so overwhelmed by my ocd but it’s important to remember there were times you didn’t feel like this; they’re just intrusive thoughts! They’re not real, when you’re in the panic distract yourself and power through remember this is temporary it may not feel like it but it is! I hope you feel better soon sending love
- Date posted
- 3y
This all sounds like classic SO-OCD. I have the same thoughts and feelings and have this subtype of OCD. It would be worth getting into therapy through Nocd as the therapist her are really knowledgeable and supportive in treating this disorder.
- Date posted
- 3y
I don't have SO OCD but mine acts the same way as yours. When i find a reason that proves I'm not dumb or useless it always says to me "you just don't want to accept the truth, you're in denial" and when i speak about a subject that i like i get thoughts like "You're pretending you're an intellectual, you're just a pretendious dumb person. You're so fake". It's gotten to a point that i no longer know what i am, everything seems fake and questionable as if my interests and whole life has been a lie.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 8w
Hello, so I’ve been struggling really badly with so-ocd where I am worried that I’m not actually straight when that’s what I’ve always thought and wanted to be. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now, he’s my first boyfriend and I really love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I remember one time, before I had struggles with so-ocd, I had a thought along the lines of ‘what if I’m missing out on other men by staying with him’ and it didn’t really cause any anxiety but I felt quite guilty for thinking that. But I moved on. However, right now I’m in the depths of so-ocd it started back in March I believe, and today I had a thought along the lines of ‘what if I never get the opportunity to try being with a woman because I’m in a relationship with a man’ and that has really set me off today. I’ve had a meltdown over it, my chest feels heavy and it felt so real like I actually wanted it and I had a feeling of wanting to be gay even though that’s not what I want in life. Why is this happening to me and I feel so horrible for thinking this like it felt like it was me and not the ocd and that I’m just lying to myself and my boyfriend. I’ve tried scrolling on here to see if anyone has had a similar thought or experience and I am aware that this is reassurance seeking but I just need someone to tell me that I’m okay
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