i’m at the end of my rope. i’m in non stop genuine fing agony every day over my own eventual death it’s making me miserable. it feels like my life has no more meaning and i’m missing out on so much. please i just want to be happy again. i’m so sad all the time i feel like i’m already dead. i cannot comprehend nonexistence and religion feels like a cop out. i can no longer sleep at night from stress. i’m so sad. anyways. i’m wasting my fing life. i’m only 18 please why won’t these thoughts STOP i’m in so much pain

Maria Elaina

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Please know that you are not alone and there is hope. If you don’t have an ERP therapist I recommend starting as soon as you can! Take a deep breath and remember to relinquish control

JB1020

Date posted: 3y ago

It feels awful at the bottom. Try to give yourself some credit - you are under a lot of stress and anxiety and yet still waking up each day. Things can and will get better. Remember the last time you felt OK, or had a spark of joy, or were optimistic about your condition - you can feel like that again. My freshman year of college I had a stretch of 24/7 anxiety - going to bed with it, waking up with it. I went to see a therapist at school and had an awful intrusive thought and blacked out the whole experience. I transferred schools, I moved back home. It felt like rock bottom. I am 31 now and so much better. You can be too. Get a therapist who can do exposure therapy with you if you're diagnosed OCD. Good luck.

George24

Date posted: 3y ago

Hang in there go to therapy and reach out it seems scary but someone can help also YouTube has a lot of tools to help in the meanwhile you can be better

jello86

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi there 💙 These are hard feelings to have for anybody, but I remember how much harder it was to deal with when I was young. Try to trust in the hope that the more you learn about your problems, the more you try to get better, and the more you get help from others/therapists, the more likely it is you’re going to feel better. I was feeling a lot of that inescapable pain type of feeling last night myself. I find that when things are really bad it sometimes helps me to try to find something that will completely engage my attention and give me a little space from the thoughts—for example, I watch tv and okay sudoku at the same time, or go for a walk and listen to music, or I talk to someone on the phone about THEIR day not mine. You have to just find what works for you. Distraction isn’t a permanent fix but it often gives a bit of relief when things are unbearable. Because it’s easy to think that when things are bad you need to think about them more to address it, but stepping away is usually better.

jello86

Date posted: 3y ago

Also, it sounds like you’re not struggling with just OCD, but also low moods and “emotion regulation” difficulty, intense emotions, maybe depression, etc. I struggle with those things too. Recently it really helps me to see a psychiatrist and get a mood stabilizer medication. An antidepressant might also help. But when you’re struggling with intense sadness and dread instead of just compulsions, and you need to calm down for a second because it’s just too intense, I’d recommend a therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It’s designed for people who are dealing with really overwhelming emotions or suicidal thoughts. You can read about the skills it teaches online even if you can’t see a therapist. I’d recommend googling “DBT distress tolerance skills.” You can also buy the DBT workbook. I also liked Marsha Linehans memoir, she made DBT and used to be suicidal herself.

sophielove

Date posted: 25w ago

Existential OCD and fear of aging

Hello, I am a young girl struggling with OCD, specifically existential related OCD. I feel constantly like my life is pointless, like my goals aren’t significant, because, I’m just going to be forgotten and die. What is the point? I don’t want to get old and not be able to do what I love. Sometimes I wonder if not existing would be easier, but I don’t want to die yet. It’s really confusing, and I’d love some tips I could get for motivation. I really want to be spiritual, but I struggle in believing in stuff so…?

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w ago

I'm fearing myself and I hate it

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"

catnipppp

Date posted: 18w ago

existential crisis

Really bad theme right now is death, I keep thinking about how one day or at any moment my heart will stop my brain will stop & my memories & everything I know will all fade away. It is giving me so much anxiety I’m only 18, but I realize it all happens to us it is bound, we are born to die. I know it’s a silly thing to be scared because it’s not helping the quality of my life worrying about it and even when I do die, I won’t care , if you don’t have a working brain then how can you care 🤷‍♀️. It is tainting my everyday life currently & honestly making me terribly depressed & it is giving me derealization & making me feel nihilistic, I’ll remind myself it’s okay but then with my ocd i don’t stop thinking and thinking about it and it’s seriously so hard to stay present in the moment because this thought just feels like I can’t scrub it away it’s miserable I struggle with religion, but I do pray to anything that’s out there possibly listening, because it is comforting, it just feels like this whole experience Is pointless & I am afraid of the unknown and what is to possibly happen but I’m subjected to it anyways so why should it matter

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