- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
i kind of do too, but its not in the depressed way, but in the intrusive thought way. its suicidal and existential ocd mixed together (i love life and im very optimistic) and so intrusive thoughts of meaninglessness, suicide and the “whats the point” pop up all of the time, like, just thoughts of a very depressing nature that i dont at all identify with. so scared of being depressed ahahahah. anyways, maybe you’re in the same boat as me, or maybe you’re just really drained from all that ocd. either sucks, i know
- Date posted
- 6y
i remember talking to a girl on instagram that found me in the comments on an aligreymond post, who related to what i asked about (the very depressing and suicidal intrusive thoughts) and i asked her if she was generally an optimistic and happy person. you know, usually very in love with life, and she went all “yes yes yes! these thoughts arent like me at all!!” and maybe youre the same, like, all optimistic and like “life is a goddamn gift! birds are singing, sun is shining, its a wonderful day!”. my bet is that you only notice these thoughts and are very botheres by them because when they enter your mind, they seem way off, because they’re not “you”. like, you cant identify with them, but their presence scares you because ocd makes you think every thought must mean something about you (which they dont, we all know by now). so literally, they are counter to who you are as a person, and thats why you go all “ew no what the hell!?!” because i bet youre very motivated and positive and hopeful for the future USUALLY, but ocd only likes to take what you like the most. its like a little kid that only wants what youre playing with after theyve seen you having fun playing with it but like, yeah, this is how i feel, and i think a lot more people here with ocd feel the same way because we’re usually very grateful for our lives, families, partners and its important for us to stay good people. generally, we’re quite passionate, right? we dont really give up in that way
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh my god yes. Before I figured out this was ocd it was SO distressing and I spent months on it
- Date posted
- 6y
I know that. For me it‘s because of real difficulties to picture improvement and to believe in it.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes, unfortunately
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
Totally.
- Date posted
- 6y
Very true. Just 6 months ago I remember feeling completely happy about everything, so I think it’s just ocd messing with me
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm currently getting therapy for exactly this. I'm really struggling with it. Does anyone have any suggestions on dealing with existential/suicidal intrusive thoughts?
- Date posted
- 6y
I relate!
- Date posted
- 6y
but hey, we can soothe ourselves with the knowledge that we’d only have tge intrusive thoughts if the opposite were true. you know, “whats the point” comes from a place of “it matters, i care and i love my life!” (although loving life is a little harder when ocd takes the things that you love away from you, but still!)
- Date posted
- 6y
It's known as all or nothing thinking. If I'm not gonna do it the way it should be, (perfect, exact, and so on) than I may not try. But the answer is there is no way to know or else you check
- Date posted
- 6y
I agree, @anna banana, I don’t think the “what’s the point” thoughts are depression thoughts for me, they’re just more intrusive thoughts I don’t identify with that ocd is trying to trick me into thinking are real.
- Date posted
- 6y
yeah totally! my ocd hit like out of nowhere. or not totally. but the whole thing with the depressing ass thoughts made no sense to me and scared me VERY much because i was like “i wanna stay happy and i dont wanna be all sad and suicidal”. i remember having days where i was so utterly fucked up by that ocd when it was just a few weeks new, and people would look at my clothes of choice and the way i talked and were all “where did anna go? ur always in a great mood and now you look all confused?”, like people that know me know me as someone dancing around and laughing and always handinh out positivity, and then suddenly the “whats the point” is in your head and youre like “what the fuck? i dont.. no”
- Date posted
- 6y
@anna banana yes 100%! It makes me feel abit depressed because it demotivates me but the thought itself isn’t like a depressing thought you’re right , it seems sooooo intrusive like any other ocd thought wow I thought I was the only one ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yesss & also , I am a very happy bubbly fun person, but I’m SO over this shit tbh! When I’m Deep in ocd i do feel like life is horrible :( and it’s crazy because the thought comes out of nowhere and ruin any happy moments for me ! This “what’s the point” thing is my new thing and it’s sooo fkd up !
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you! That helps ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
I would like to learn more about the all or nothing theory - can you give me any other info @anna banana
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I think I’m going through the hardest depression right now. I’ve never felt so compelled to just stop getting up and stop living. I know it’s hard to hear, I just really feel bad. Right now I even feel like an attention seeker. I just wanted to know, are there any tips to raise me from this hole im in? Has anyone else felt like this an pulled themselves out?
- Date posted
- 18w
I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.
- Date posted
- 10w
First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?
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