I hate intrusive feelings so much. Like I'll be obsessing over something and then I "feel" something that could be proof the obsession is true... it feels so real and i feel like a horrible person. I hate ocd so so so much

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

For a while I've been struggling more with the contamination side of OCD, but before that, for a long time, it was POCD and things like thinking I'm a bad person. It was debilitating. And I moved on from it somehow, just left it behind. Until today, when even a small thing hit me with it again. It's not as bad as it might have been a year or two ago, but it just took me back to the awful pain of thinking I'm a creep. Even now, I'm convincing myself that it's real and not OCD. And it hurts so much that I can't tell. I know the pain each subtype brings isn't even comparable, but POCD and thoughts relating to it are by far the worst thing I've experienced. I honestly think I would rather wash my hands raw than go through POCD to the extent I used to. I would do anything to live with neither. Sorry this was just a bit of a vent, but I think it's important to talk about this kind of thing to people who understand. Whatever subtype you're going through, I'm sending you strength and comfort to get through it 💜💜.

Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.