- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve been there friend! It really sucks and I’m sorry. Remember that your ocd latches on to what is important to you. Seeing as how it’s attacking your relationship means that you value it. Careful of confessing, it can lead to compulsion and hurting your partners feelings even though it brings us temporary relief. Sometimes this gets overwhelming but remember you aren’t your thoughts and you can control your actions even if the thoughts are pulling you down.
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s more feelings.. I’m worried bc the symptoms aren’t as strong as before… 😢
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@7710 ❤️ It’s true, it may be real or it may be OCD. It’s hard to live with the uncertainty but that’s what these therapists keep saying to do! There’s a ROCD support group you should totally join (free). It’s very supportive, validating, and nonjudgmental. Just took a look at your profile and you said that if you obsess too hard it can feel like reality, that you want to love your partner, and that it gives you hope that y’all are together still. I hope you can talk about this with an NOCD therapist or in a group bc sometimes it’s all very heavy in our minds. It helps to get it out
- Date posted
- 3y
@tinydancer I’m worried bc it’s like I subconsciously don’t want him… but why would I fight if I didn’t or cry if I didn’t love him… I just don’t want to leave but I am so tired..
- Date posted
- 3y
@tinydancer I even bought him blueberry muffins bc I know he loves them. My friend believes I really do love my partner but she says sometimes I love him too much
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@7710 ❤️ Is it possible that you just want the panic breakup feeling to go away? I can’t speak for you but in my experience, I would feel the compulsion to break up with my bf when one of these rocd spikes hit. Because I wanted to have the doubt and guilt feelings go away. Even though I didn’t want to leave him, I felt like the only way to get rid of that horrible feeling was to break up. Back then I didn’t know it was rocd and I especially thought it was real, or a sign from God, or my “gut” telling me what needed to happen. OCD sucks but our brain is trying to protect us from the worse by preparing us for every situation which causes major anxiety.
- Date posted
- 3y
@tinydancer It’s like I want relief…
- Date posted
- 3y
She said that because I’ve been going through this for so long I rewrote my brain Into thinking I don’t love him…
- Date posted
- 3y
ROCD is a tough one…I’ve ended a couple relationships and almost my current due to this subtype. I thought I just didn’t love that person but as soon as we broke up I just wanted them back. All what was going on was me transitioning out of the “honeymoon” phase. I had no idea that this was just my OCD. Trust me, you’ll really know when you don’t want to be with someone anymore. Our brains just get confused with “comfortable” and “not in love”.
- Date posted
- 3y
How real did it feel? Did it seem like u knew even if you were fighting against the damage that has been done?
- Date posted
- 3y
Please how real did it get for u? Did you ever just get tired and exhausted and just went with it bc you just can’t keep fighting??
- Date posted
- 3y
When I started to have doubts in my relationship, it became pretty obvious and I told my partner that I was having doubts and that I wasn’t sure if I loved them/wanted to be with them or not. She knew that I was just in my head. She could tell when I was contradicting myself. We worked on it together. The doubts started to happen when we passed that “honeymoon” phase and the relationship began to mature. When you get out of that phase of excitement, you start to question if there’s love. For me, there was love. It was always there. I just didn’t see it and or acknowledge it.
- Date posted
- 3y
I get worried… I don’t know how to fix things… I know I love him. When I don’t overthink I am fine.. I am scared… I am depressed, anxiety ridden, exhausted… I just wanna be with him like before…
- Date posted
- 3y
Most of us here fall under the burden of overthinking..it’s a struggle..we latch onto these negative thoughts so much that we start to believe them. It’s extremely frustrating.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I don’t understand how my boyfriend can love me so much after everything I put him through. He constantly shows me how much he loves me, yet I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it. I can’t explain how badly I behave towards him when these thoughts take over, how often I lash out because of them, and how many times I’ve told him exactly what’s on my mind. He tries to use logic to help me, but it never seems to work. And now, even as I’m writing this, I feel like crying—yet at the same time, my mind tells me that I don’t care. This horrible feeling inside me won’t go away. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” That thought is always there. I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations about this relationship from the beginning, since he is my first boyfriend. What if I convinced myself I liked him just because I wanted my first relationship to be perfect? And now, I just can’t accept the truth? It scares me even more knowing that he moved to my city for me. I feel like I’m constantly upset, constantly sad. And despite everything, he’s always there for me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t know what to do to feel okay again. Every time I talk to him, I get this strange feeling inside me, and I’m terrified that it means my thoughts are actually true. He tells me that my happiness shouldn’t depend only on him, that I should focus on more than just this relationship—because for over a year now, my mind has been stuck in an endless loop of questioning whether I love him or not. He asks me, “Who are you fighting? Why do you care so much? You’ve been asking yourself the same question for over a year—shouldn’t you know the answer by now?” And my response is always, “Because I want to be with you.” But then, when I try to answer whether I like him or not, more doubts take over. I start thinking, “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him. Maybe I just want to keep this relationship perfect.” The worst part is that he has never done anything wrong. He has always been patient, kind, and loving, yet I feel so lost. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t understand what I feel. And I don’t understand why I can’t understand what I feel. He also tells me that ever since I started reading so much about relationships and OCD online, I have gotten worse. And he’s right. I have become much worse than I was before. The problem is that before, I thought I was at my worst, but looking back, I was still able to feel happiness at times. Now, I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if I’m crying because I hate this feeling, or because I don’t want to think this way about him. It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.
- Date posted
- 13w
I have had ROCD in my relationship for a while and I’ve always been having the feeling do I break up so I not but even with the anxiety I still felt love and knew I didn’t want to be without him. But now it feels different. What scares me is it feels like I could actually see myself wanting to date someone else because of qualities he doesn’t have. I keep seeing him as overall bad. For more context he is caring, generous, we are very similar, but have different communication styles and talking issues out is hard for him. He also can be irritable easily, he doesn’t like talking things out that much and there’s a bit of a maturity difference which I know is sometning that can grow. Lately I feel like when I’m around him I am just frustrated with how he is acting like when he does something that upsets me like makes a joke about something he knows isn’t funny and bothersome to me, he’ll say sorry but then end up doing it again. Even though I know he really does care about me which I know it feels like he only cares about him doing wrong like he doesn’t want to do wrong instead of actually wanting to fix my feelings being hurt cause when he asks if I’m upset and I say yes he will get upset and try to be defensive and it makes me feel he cares more about being wrong. I also have had less empathy toward him which really scares me because I am a very empathetic person but I am hoping it’s just cause of bad ocd and built frustrations. Also, I do know cause he has told me and I’ve seen it that he always wants to impress his parents and not make them mad because they pick at him the minute he does wrong. This is probably why it’s hard to talk things out but lately I have been feeling like I can’t say anything cause he will just get more anxious or shut down or not want to hear it. Anyway, what makes me anxious is it feels like I don’t feel anything anymore and my brain is saying the only reason why I get anxious thinking of not being together is because I hate change and cause he is the first person I’m with. But I keep going back and forth. It’s so hard to be around him now. All I’m trying to think of is evidence that I still love him or the good things about him. I’m really afraid this isn’t ocd and that it has just morphed into it just isn’t working anymore. Some feelings like less love feel real but also ocd gets in between everything and it’s so fuzzy. I am afraid deep down I really know. My brain keeps saying I can’t be with him anymore cause I can’t be with someone if I feel like this about him. Meaning if I don’t have empathy for him cause I’m frustrated or whatever and if all I can see his bad even though I know there is good. It also says if I was with someone else that was a little nicer or could talk things out or whatever imaginary scenario in my head I wouldn’t feel like this😭 and I love the family and it keeps saying I’m only staying cause of the family. And some of this I’m like wait that might be true and I have to rest and review and I’m exhausted. And one minute I want to leave the next I don’t….im worried the only reason I am with him is cause of how great things were or cause he loves me and not me loving him.
- Date posted
- 13w
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond