I’m really struggling rn and I have nobody to talk to. I don’t know what to do

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I have a very complicated family. I live with just my mom and my brother. My brother has some issues. He has some mental health related issues and a lot of anger issues. The way he thinks is very different from me and my mom, which is ok. It’s very often him and my mom get into arguments, never physically but verbally. I worry a lot that one of these days he’s going to hurt someone. It’s awful to say because he’s my brother but I worry all the time when they get into arguments. When they left to go for a drive they were still very heated. Thai worried me as my brother was driving. I was worried something bad was going to happen. When the left I started to think about the possibility of harming myself. I WOULD never usually think like that, I love my life, and I’m so grateful. It’s just this family stuff is so hard and nobody can see how it’s playing on me, and I feel like I’m grabbing attention because my mom is probably feeling worse than me so I don’t want to seem like I’m just fishing for it. I sat there thinking about the idea of harming myself and how it would be easier for me to go then for my mom to get hurt or for something to happen to her and for me to live without her. It’s unimaginable. I’m just so done with these mind games. I just want a bit of peace in my life. Which makes me feel so ungrateful because there are others that are going through more.

My mom always says "someone always has it worse" which I use to dwell on that a lot I always thought I had to be okay just because someone else has it worse. Now I think that what I'm going through is valid and the amount of hurt it causes you is valid. I noticed when I ignored my situation and told people are me like it's normal and everyone goes through it...I started to noticed how bad my situation is, kids and adults come up to me telling me how strict my parents are or how they feel bad for me. The situation you're going through sounds tough and hard...and it's valid to feel sad or scared about it

I recommend you watching cinema therapy...they are a yt channel, but it'll probably help u a lot with the situation because it's good advice they give. I've been trying to mend my family and it's working a bit. My dad has been more opened minded when he's usually really extremely close minded, slowly my situation is getting better. I hope you're situation starts to. And maybe talk to your brother, and be opened minded with what he has to say

https://youtu.be/QD1CJz2CbDM

@Kiersin_ Thank you so much for your words. It’s nice to have the nocd community to hear similar situations from other people. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope all is going well for you. Thank you, and I will most definitely check out that video

I have a very similar dynamic in my family. My brother also has mental health/anger issues and has broken things in our house. While I don’t think he would ever be physical with my parents he is definitely verbally abusive, constantly blaming them for not being good parents. It breaks my heart to see it, especially with my mom who worries so much about him, does so much for him and STILL gets yelled at……it’s unfair, and I’m so sorry that you’re going through something similar. I think this is good reminder that we are NEVER alone with our struggles. A podcast that has really helped me with emotional processing is the Tara Brach podcast. She is so motherly and wise. Hope this helps ducky. You’ll get through this, there are better days ahead <3