- Username
- aquarius_grl🤍
- Date posted
- 2y ago
My way of getting over this has been exposure, same with all OCD really, being around kids more will get easier you gotta just keep doing what you're doing and eventually it will make you feel less anxious. Avoiding it will only make it more difficult. I like to think of it more that I'm aware of the danger, and my brain is firing off these signals incorrectly, you of course don't want to be that person otherwise you wouldn't be on this app. You're a good person, keep doing what you're doing with the exposure and it will eventually become less of a thing. This type of OCD has been easier for me over the past few years, just make sure you keep at the ERP and you will feel better. All the best to you.
Thanks for the encouragement, chaz. My problem is, that I ruminate and images pop up in my head. I'm way too scared to do something to a child or pet. When I don't feel like thinking past situations through, my brain tells me, that I'm an egoist. That I have to make sure, I didn't do something for the sake of others and me not wanting to think it through is not a valid reason not to. And those are only the thoughts, the guilt I feel is horribly strong then.
@Zoë_84 I meant - I'm way to scared, that I'd do something...
Thank you :)
@Zoë_84 I've been that way a lot too, still sometimes get those off days. Getting some support from a therapist, to help you challenge those thoughts will help you. Learning about the OCD cycle and how to break it I think is key to understanding how you can overcome feeling that way. It can still feel a bit hopeless at times, and it's okay to have bad days, I absolutely hate those as it creates more things, but do your best divert your attention to something else as this type of thinking most of us have only makes things more worse. Sorry for rambling I think I'm probably doing a bit of therapy for myself by writing these things and reminding myself too.
@chaz1993 I know all of it... I have been in therapy with OCD specialist since I was 12... I just seem to not be able to do it, ERP for P and ZOCD, I mean.
@Zoë_84 My apologies. I feel that way with those themes too, but less than it was before. My therapist said to start small and eventually move it up a notch. Try and think of an ERP task that doesn't give you too much anxiety, and eventually once that gets easier kick it up a notch to another task. I understand how you must feel as P theme was taking over my life not too long ago, and it all felt almost impossible. Gotta do ERP at your own pace. I do hope you can and start feeling better from it all.
@chaz1993 I try to get to the point where I can start again, but since 2020 I started to also suffer from other mental health issues and a lot of bad things happened in my life in the past two years, so having to deal with all of that and starting ERP again would be a lot. But reading that ERP helped you against POCD is great and very encouraging.
@Zoë_84 Yeah I can understand that, it's not easy as it is, let alone with other things piling on top. I think back to the past a lot too, go over lots of different things, ruminating doesn't help though, just makes me feel worse. The other day I had my first panic attack regarding my ROCD, it's gradually spiraled, that's why I'm back on this app again, trying the ERP tools so I can hopefully avoid any further episodes. I'm glad it's encouraging for you. You can do it, we all can! It's a long road but will be worth it once we can be at peace with our thoughts.
you’re not alone
I have to babysit in a couple hours and I really don’t want to.. I’ve put myself around kids so many times since my pocd started and the thoughts haven’t really gotten better and I’m tired of thinking sexually towards them.. it’s like erp doesn’t work for me or something and makes me feel like I’ll never get better so what’s the point of going again just to feel the same way, that I’m a p
it’s a good exposure for you! that’s what i’m trying to do with videos and etc, but then it feels like i look at something a certain way, and begin to obsess over it.
Do you do compulsions, when being around children, or after? Compulsions in the form of actions (e.g. keeping physical distance), or thoughts (e.g. thinking - No, I didn't do something)? If yes, doing those compulsions prevent ERP from working.
@Zoë_84 i guess your right, i need too stop obsessing over everything
How did the baby sitting go?
@Zoë_84 It went okay, I got triggered a lot, idk I didn’t feel as encouraged in myself as I usually try to be I’ve been kinda depressed about all of it and feel low on hope that it will get better :/
@Zoë_84 Thank you for asking!
@aquarius_grl🤍 Of course :)
@aquarius_grl🤍 I feel with you, but I find you incredibly brave to do babysitting!
@Zoë_84 Thank you, babysitting isn’t so terrible for me because my fears don’t surround whether or not I’m going to hurt a child, they surround if I’m attracted to them, so it’s still hard to babysit because those thoughts come up but I feel like I’ve gotten so used to being around kids cuz my family has a lot of kids
@Zoë_84 It definitely is kind of a concern for me sometimes that I don’t mind all too much being around kids anymore and makes me think that I’m around them for bad reasons and don’t care ya know? 😞
@aquarius_grl🤍 That sounds so much like OCD trying to punish you for getting better...
@Zoë_84 Wow ya that makes sense
@aquarius_grl🤍 I read them from a lot of people on here and sometimes my OCD isn't that bad and it makes me wonder...
@Zoë_84 It just doesn't want to let go off us!
Hey just wanted too see how you was doing, I’m doing a lot better then I was doing, and I hope you are well!
@Anonymous Hi! I’m doing decently right now because the arousal has been on a lower level recently, idk I hope I’m on the track of recovery. I’m so happy you’re doing better!
@aquarius_grl🤍 that’s good too hear! hope you continue too get better.
It's okay. I think that's a problem most have on here, the thought creates that fear and makes it more difficult, which then creates more images the more we fear it. My therapist told me a lot about accepting the thoughts are gonna be there, combined with ERP and putting yourself in those situations that make you anxious, eventually the anxiety will become less of a thing if you learn to accept that they are unfortunately there. Therapy with the right therapist for you is the best way to approach it, as they will help you with the specific situation you have, and help you put together some useful ERP tasks that you can tackle at your own pace. Maybe start with your pets, hold them more and sit with that anxiety, maybe increase the time you sit with that pet. Eventually once that gets easier, do the same with children and try bond with them at your own pace. You gotta push yourself through that anxiety, and whatever you do don't get reassurance as that will only make the cycle continue. Not sure if that helps or makes sense, but wouldn't to share what I've learnt over the past few years. It will get easier the more you try with the ERP.
hey can you talk?
Hey yeah sure
It feels like I’m just in denial. Like I just need to accept it. I don’t want to. I want to have a husband and a babies. I don’t want this. I’m scared. It feels so. Real.
Is it normal to have moments where it feels so real? Like where it feels like you’re fantasizing and you’re enjoying it and you like all of this? But I know there’s nothing there. There’s no desire to be this person. I don’t want or like this. I feel like I’m voluntarily doing this and bringing it on. There’s people saying they want to throw up on here because of this and I feel like I’m not as worried. But I worry every day. I saw someone say people who actually are that person can be distressed but not disgusted and I’m worried that that’s me. But it is disgusting. It’s both disgusting and distressing but I’m worried that I’m not reacting how someone who’s really disgusted would. But at the same time I know it’s not real, it’s not me at all so I feel like I don’t react as much. I literally have no attraction to children. There’s no part of me that wants that I feel absolutely nothing for them in an inappropriate way. My only feelings are that I want them to be happy and enjoy childhood and never ever be hurt by evil people who are actually that. I can’t imagine harming ANYONE. But it’s really confusing how I know this and tell myself this but then I’ll have images pop up and thoughts that feel like I’m into it and thoughts that sound like I’m making sick jokes. It’s so hard to keep up with and I know I care I think I’m just so tired of it. I hope it’s just pocd. I hope I can get a therapist this year. I’m afraid to do anything with my life.
constant thoughts even during alone time of “just accept u are a p, say it, accept it” and it feels so real and I have the urge to say it and try to accept it (ive tried to do it before and it sent me down a spiral of shame and worry) I really hate this. I feel so weird and out of place always and I feel like a fraud who’s in denial that they are a p.
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