Why does it feel like I’m accepting it 😞 like I’m so tired of fighting the idea of being a p I just am accepting but I’m also not at the same time, and I’m not anxious. Idk like I don’t want to be around kids because what if I am a p and I’m letting a p be around children?

Thanks for the encouragement, chaz. My problem is, that I ruminate and images pop up in my head. I'm way too scared to do something to a child or pet. When I don't feel like thinking past situations through, my brain tells me, that I'm an egoist. That I have to make sure, I didn't do something for the sake of others and me not wanting to think it through is not a valid reason not to. And those are only the thoughts, the guilt I feel is horribly strong then.

@Zoë_84 I meant - I'm way to scared, that I'd do something...

Thank you :)

@Zoë_84 I've been that way a lot too, still sometimes get those off days. Getting some support from a therapist, to help you challenge those thoughts will help you. Learning about the OCD cycle and how to break it I think is key to understanding how you can overcome feeling that way. It can still feel a bit hopeless at times, and it's okay to have bad days, I absolutely hate those as it creates more things, but do your best divert your attention to something else as this type of thinking most of us have only makes things more worse. Sorry for rambling I think I'm probably doing a bit of therapy for myself by writing these things and reminding myself too.

@chaz1993 I know all of it... I have been in therapy with OCD specialist since I was 12... I just seem to not be able to do it, ERP for P and ZOCD, I mean.

@Zoë_84 My apologies. I feel that way with those themes too, but less than it was before. My therapist said to start small and eventually move it up a notch. Try and think of an ERP task that doesn't give you too much anxiety, and eventually once that gets easier kick it up a notch to another task. I understand how you must feel as P theme was taking over my life not too long ago, and it all felt almost impossible. Gotta do ERP at your own pace. I do hope you can and start feeling better from it all.

@chaz1993 I try to get to the point where I can start again, but since 2020 I started to also suffer from other mental health issues and a lot of bad things happened in my life in the past two years, so having to deal with all of that and starting ERP again would be a lot. But reading that ERP helped you against POCD is great and very encouraging.

@Zoë_84 Yeah I can understand that, it's not easy as it is, let alone with other things piling on top. I think back to the past a lot too, go over lots of different things, ruminating doesn't help though, just makes me feel worse. The other day I had my first panic attack regarding my ROCD, it's gradually spiraled, that's why I'm back on this app again, trying the ERP tools so I can hopefully avoid any further episodes. I'm glad it's encouraging for you. You can do it, we all can! It's a long road but will be worth it once we can be at peace with our thoughts.

it’s a good exposure for you! that’s what i’m trying to do with videos and etc, but then it feels like i look at something a certain way, and begin to obsess over it.

Do you do compulsions, when being around children, or after? Compulsions in the form of actions (e.g. keeping physical distance), or thoughts (e.g. thinking - No, I didn't do something)? If yes, doing those compulsions prevent ERP from working.

@Zoë_84 i guess your right, i need too stop obsessing over everything

How did the baby sitting go?

@Zoë_84 It went okay, I got triggered a lot, idk I didn’t feel as encouraged in myself as I usually try to be I’ve been kinda depressed about all of it and feel low on hope that it will get better :/

@Zoë_84 Thank you for asking!

@aquarius_grl🤍 Of course :)

@aquarius_grl🤍 I feel with you, but I find you incredibly brave to do babysitting!

@Zoë_84 Thank you, babysitting isn’t so terrible for me because my fears don’t surround whether or not I’m going to hurt a child, they surround if I’m attracted to them, so it’s still hard to babysit because those thoughts come up but I feel like I’ve gotten so used to being around kids cuz my family has a lot of kids

@Zoë_84 It definitely is kind of a concern for me sometimes that I don’t mind all too much being around kids anymore and makes me think that I’m around them for bad reasons and don’t care ya know? 😞

@aquarius_grl🤍 That sounds so much like OCD trying to punish you for getting better...

@Zoë_84 Wow ya that makes sense

@aquarius_grl🤍 I read them from a lot of people on here and sometimes my OCD isn't that bad and it makes me wonder...

@Zoë_84 It just doesn't want to let go off us!

Hey just wanted too see how you was doing, I’m doing a lot better then I was doing, and I hope you are well!

@Anonymous Hi! I’m doing decently right now because the arousal has been on a lower level recently, idk I hope I’m on the track of recovery. I’m so happy you’re doing better!

@aquarius_grl🤍 that’s good too hear! hope you continue too get better.

Hey yeah sure