Should I be more open with my wife about my OCD and help her understand it?

I need advice

My wife thinks that I don’t trust her. She knows that I’ve dealt with OCD for several years but I guess it’s because I don’t normally share the details of what my mind is obsessing over that she thinks I don’t trust her, but I do tell her when I’m having a bad day. Although I do have trouble trusting people with information because of my upbringing, I told her that with OCD it’s that I can’t trust my own mind. I’ve had obsessions in the past over events that seemed so critical at the time that I now realize meant nothing and I remember during those times wanting to confess to people so badly for reassurance and then when I did it didn’t help anything. I’ve tried explaining to her how this disease tricks your brain but I’m not sure that she understands it. Please don’t take this as me talking down about my wife because she is awesome. I’m really just wondering if I should be more open or if maybe I should try to help her understand OCD better?

Real Events OCD

Username: AmIMeAmIMe

Date posted: 2y ago

I don't think you're talking down about your wife at all. It's hard for people to understand that we have thoughts, urges and fears we don't want to have. Having thoughts that who we as a person are don't agree with. I feel terrible when I have thoughts about someone and/or images based around someone that I don't agree with. I can't even imagine what it must feel like someone saying you don't trust them when OCD confuses you enough as it is. For me only my therapist knows about me having all these thoughts and is the first to understand things I have tried to explain to other therapist for years. I really do think it would be beneficial for someone to help her understand. I also think it could be beneficial to be more open about what's going on in your head. I also think it could cause thoughts and urges to become more pronounced for a bit and including a therapist or someone close to you in the process.

Username: catgpcatgp

Date posted: 2y ago

My therapist offered the opportunity to speak with my partner to explain more about OCD. Perhaps this could be an option? I get where you are coming from with not always talking about thoughts. OCD doesn't respond to talking in the traditional way compared to other issues but it can be hard for other people to understand this.

Username: NicaNica

Date posted: 2y ago

This is a great suggestion (what I was going to suggest). If you’re seeing an OCD specialist you should invite your wife to join you.

Username: ThatsPrettyNeatThatsPrettyNeat

Date posted: 2y ago

I definitely may do that! It’s just tough because my current obsession is something from years ago that I never even thought about until recently that’s made me feel terrible about myself so I think she feels like I’m hiding it from her. I’m starting therapy next week to try to understand why it’s all the sudden bothering me. The reason why I haven’t told her is because I don’t even know if the thoughts that I’m thinking about it are true as well as what it’s made me think about myself. So basically I want help from a professional before I go to her because I feel like telling her will just make me obsess about the fact that I told her. And knowing that OCD has distorted other things from my past, I am afraid that she will just take how I’m feeling about myself as truth without understanding the OCD side of it.

Username: catgpcatgp

Date posted: 2y ago

That makes sense. OCD can take a memory or event from the past and make it feel as if you need to pay attention to it. I think there is information on the NOCD website about real event OCD that might be helpful if you haven't seen it already. Hope the therapy goes well.

Username: kmorigz

Date posted: 3y ago

Does anyone have any advice for sharing their obsessions with their significant other? I struggle with relationship and sexuality OCD. My boyfriend knows I have OCD, but we have never discussed it in detail. I think he is trying to respect my boundaries and I am terrified he won’t understand my obsessions and/or will take them personally. As a result I feel like I am hiding this horrible secret, and it is causing me so much anxiety. I want to talk to him about it, but I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that won’t hurt him.

Username: DO22

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I believe I have had OCD almost 30 years but am new to my diagnosis and treatment. During this episode, one of my most self destructive compulsions is to ask my wife questions about her sexual past. My therapist has suggested I tell my wife to help me she has to stop answering my questions. I know she's right but I can't bring myself to give this instruction to my wife. I can't bear the thought of shutting myself off from ever getting answers to the questions that pervade my thoughts. I'm posting here because maybe peer support will help me find the courage. I so desperately need to get well. I need to be the husband I was for my wife before this episode started, this is absolutely killing her.

Username: sepals

Date posted: 2y ago

how much should i share?

so i need advice because i genuinely am not sure what is the healthiest thing to do. my partner knows i have ocd and knows a little about the specific themes i struggle with. but there’s a lot i haven’t told them because i’m scared to open up about it and/or because i think it’ll negatively impact their own mental health. how much of my ocd should i tell them about? do i carry on keeping most of it to myself, protecting their feelings and mine but bottling up all my problems? or do i lay it all out, helping them understand me better and finally giving myself an outlet but potentially hurting them? or something in between? i would ask a therapist if i had one but that’s not a possibility for me at the moment so if any of you have advice then i would really appreciate it

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Should I be more open with my wife about my OCD and help her understand it?

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