It’s strange how this obsession leaves you for years and then it makes an unexpected comeback… Truly horrifying, I can’t stop “testing myself”, checking my reactions, and thinking about becoming homosexual. My urge to put things in a symmetrical way also increased. If someone has some advices, please help me❤️
As someone who is dealing with a relapse right now of HOCD and ROCD right now, it's really hard. The worst part about it is since I've already gone through this, I'm not as panicked as I was the first go around 4 years ago. It's truly terrifying, especially now that I'm in a very healthy long term relationship. It absolutely tears me apart inside cause I'm convinced I just never loved him on the first place... I'm just terrified of loosing him over this of all things. I'm looking into therapy later today, which I highly advise you do the same.
ERP is really the only way through this as hard as it is.
Thank you for commenting, is something I can do myself before visiting a therapist?
@Ocharlie Other then practicing ERP by yourself, that would be the only thing I recommend. That's how I got over it the first time. This time I'm just tired and I'm ready for help, cause I can't do this by myself again.
@tinyTROLL13 How do you practice ERP by yourself?
@San2 Sorry it tool so long to respond. But basically you have to sit in the discomfort. When you get an intrusive thought, instead of immediately getting defensive and saying "it's not true I know it's not true." Just kinda shrug your shoulders and say maybe I am maybe I'm not I may never know for sure. You have to learn how to not accept it as a reality, but also accept it as a possible reality. Be ok with the uncertainty. Instead of thinking, "Am I or am I not!" try "if I am I'll be ok." It's all in the mind set. Which don't get me wrong it's EXTREMELY hard at first but with time it gets easier. And you are going to have flair ups in the future. I am currently in the middle of one right now, but with time and patience you'll get there. And if you can't by yourself that's when the professional help comes in.
@tinyTROLL13 Thankyou so much, that’s true btw like Monday it was really on the background and I could get aroused with boys at movies and with the boy I’m talking to and didn’t bother my intrusive thoughts but now they flair up and it makes me doubt everything again
@San2 You'll have that, this isn't just something that you'll fix and bever have to deal with again. You'll have good days and bad days, but after you practice ERP the good days will start to outweigh the bad by a long shot. I promise it helps, it's terrifying but worth it.
@tinyTROLL13 Yes true! I’m way better now, I have medication and try to accept it and focus on other things (mindfulness) when I’m having intrusive thoughts. It helps and it makes the thoughts less worse and on the nackground
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
I haven't had anxiety for 1 week, I haven't had so many thoughts, but when it comes to sexuality I feel discomfort and I feel like something is pressing on my chest, it's very disturbing, and I still have attraction (false I hope), I wasn't diagnosed with hocd but I had all the symptoms, (now I don't have anxiety anymore, except when a feeling that I'm gay appears), I no longer felt that strong need to watch videos on yt or look for things that would make me feel comfortable, so somehow I managed to keep this under control, but I don't know if it's recovery or if I'm just lying to myself that I'm not gay. If anyone has any ideas, I hope they write something here
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