vic_

Date posted: 3y

help asap tw abuse tw sui

my partner threatens my ocd when they get mad at me like ive been terrible so iI get it but they threaten to lick door knobs and lick toilet seats and it scares me so much i feel terror ive never felt before ive been violent when im in an episode so i feel like i can’t talk but i sob and beg for them to pls tell me what was touched so i can process and know how bad it was and they say no they won’t tell me / “if you make one more sound im going to lick my shoe” like theyve just gone it and now got in bed and they said they rlly didn’t touch anything but idk for sure so im freaking out like i am on fire im so terrified idk what to do i srsly want to kms

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

Im so sorry that your partner is acting like this. You dont deserve to be terrorized like this, no matter what reasons they may offer. Please do not hurt yourself, and try to wait out the anxiety in this moment. I know it may not be easy, but have you considered leaving your partner, if you can? This sounds like a horrible relationship, and you deserve to feel and be safe.

vic_

Date posted: 3y

i rlly feel like ive been the worse one for reacting violently when i feel scared so idk what to do i rlly don’t like i still don’t want to leave but i ant decide if i rlly feel tht way or not or if thts just the ocd im so confused

vic_

Date posted: 3y

like idk bc they have always been sweet and perfect to me and have only started treating me poorly literally this yr and we’ve been together for 7 yrs. i have literally pushed them to this point by being terrible to them for like 4.5 yrs so i just feel like it’s my fault. like they have said i don’t recognize myself and im like yeah me neither. and they said it’s bc of the trauma i put them thru and the mental and physical abuse i give them when im like paranoid schizo breakdown. so like the only option i see for myself is s u i

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

@vic_ Hmm, you both deserve someone who doesnt hurt you. You both deserve to feel safe with the person you're in a relationship with. It sounds like neither of you should be in this relationship, no matter how you spin it. Like its not okay for them to trigger you on purpose just as its not okay for you to be violent to them. I know you probably love them, but sometimes love isnt always enough. If you can manage it, therapy sounds incredibly useful for you both, for you to figure out how to be less violent when youre triggered and to work on your ocd and for your partner work through their issues and the pain/hurt that you have caused them without reacting by triggering you intentionally in the process. Im not judging either of you, as i dont know all of your circumstances. I know relationships can be very complicated. I think there has been a lot of pain in your relationship on both your sides. I think, soon, after you have calmed down a little from this episode, you should really consider why you're staying, if you should, and what you would benefit from most, staying or leaving. I dont know if it could work,(again, i want to stress this is very hypothetical and i dont know who you are) but if you both communicated and really attempted to change, probably with assistance, for the better, then there might be a chance making it work. But sometimes even breaks can be useful, to give yourself a break from being triggered and them a break from you.

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

@vic_ You have more options. It just feels like that suicide is the only one right now bc you're in distress. Maybe it is your fault. Maybe you have caused them serious pain and trauma from your behavior. But that doesnt mean its impossible to make amends and change. Amends may look like breaking up to work on yourself. It may look like trying again in the future after some serious work on your part. Abusers can change. You may not be forgiven, but whats important is that you try to change. You could take this chance to really contemplate what you should do moving forward. It sounds like your ocd is very severe (to put it lightly) and i strongly urge you to seek help. I know its easy for me to say, but i really think you both need it.

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

Right now, if youre still in distress, maybe try going into another room to breathe and collect yourself. In my experience, space can help make things less immediate and itll give your partner space from you, if you havent already. Please dont do anything rash right now, including harming yourself or your partner. Just try to let it roll over you, and focus on breathing until the heat dies down. I know what that heat is like but acting on it is only gonna make you regret it.

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

I see. Im so sorry you both are dealing with so much. Then probably as much physical distance as you can get right now would be good (even just sitting in a corner or looking out a window if you have one), til you arent feeling the heat anymore. Im really sorry i cant offer any knowledge about how you could get yourselves out of your housing situation.

vic_

Date posted: 3y

no you have helped a lot just by listening srsly ty

vic_

Date posted: 3y

im laying in bed now watching asmr and i feel a little more calm im not going to harm myself x

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

Okay great! Im glad youve calmed down i was pretty worried there haha :)

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

That environment sounds horrible for the both of you, and im sorry their mom is so manipulative. I cant imagine what its been like and you both are strong for getting through such hardship. I think, provided you're looking for advice, it would be best for you to try to figure out a healthier coping method than violence. Since you can't do much about your situation, and i dont think its very likely youre going to leave them, it seems like your main option is to try working on yourself. You can change how you react to being triggered. Even small changes are big over time. I think there is hope in some parts of your life. I think it would be disingenuous to say theres always hope or that itll get better, without recognizing that there is the possibility that it could get worse before it gets better. But since you can recognize your flaws, i think its possible to change them. And i think feeling control over that will help with the hopelessness you feel. Small changes like delaying how quickly you get violent, or delaying any other compulsions you feel. Walking away when it gets too much, like going to a park if you can, and coming back when you feel like you have control again. Talking with your partner about arguments and other hurts and trying to listen, hold space and reconcile/compromise. Focus on descalation rather than reacting combatively. Of course, i know this is so much harder to do than it is for me to say. Especially with ocd, things can feel very dire and immediate. But i think that maybe whatever healing you two can do now, no matter how little or how infrequent will help your relationship be less toxic, which i think would help in other areas in your life too. I think they offer a free call on this app. I think you should consider it.

vic_

Date posted: 3y

🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 tysm

vic_

Date posted: 3y

i feel stupid for JUST realizing i has ocd yesterday smh every doctor ive seen has failed me Completely. unmasking in 2020 was the actual beginning of my healing, but sadly i seem to be doing it on my own But wow i tht all online sessions cost money so i avoided it 🥲 is it just a single session for free?

seaskate

Date posted: 3y

I think the first one is free, i havent used it personally. Dont feel stupid, it can take a long time to recognize, lol. I thought i was just autistic, but im p sure im not. And the pandemic has brought out the worst in me too, im pretty sure ive always had ocd but it never distressed me as much as it has in the last couple years. And i think a lot of people here have experienced a lot of the same thing as you have, in terms of having to do it alone. Theres a discord, if youd like to join. Its just other people with ocd from this app but it can offer a bit more immediacy if you need to talk to someone. https://discord.gg/8jH9qqvr

vic_

Date posted: 3y

we were unhoused and we are living with their mom right now. she is the most repulsive human being and triggers me so bad i can’t leave this small room we have. and like they can’t leave either bc she is v manipulative/eaves drops/tries to like hold hands and uuugghhh like it stresses me out more to be outside this room believe me

vic_

Date posted: 3y

i wish i was in a space where i could step back but it’s been me and my partner against the world for a while now. we are both severely mentally ill and we have both srsly declined (in some similar and some dif ways) since 2020. like it all feels v hopeless rn ngl

vic_

Date posted: 3y

like we have been at risk of houselessness since November last year and we just lost it all in April and got to their moms house in may. the situation has made us both worse, way worse in dif ways. we can’t rlly heal here. i have a friend trying to help us but she is struggling too. it’s so hard sigh idk how to hold on til we can get out of here

apricotallie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

so scared about my future

hi everyone. i'm terrified about my future with my spouse. we've been fighting a lot recently because they cheated on me on our wedding night... making out with someone else. this really really hurt me. they now want a break because they can't handle my severe anxiety about the situation. i know reading this you're probably like wow that's a real asshole right there and i deserve better. but truly i love my spouse and they're a great person. they're just triggered. i'm afraid the marriage triggered them. i'm afraid they're going to leave me. my ocd is telling me the more i really think about it my intuition is telling me that they will leave me and we won't work it out. and now i feel like im manifesting that on purpose. i'm freaking the fuck out and i feel so lonely and sad.

aaanonymous

Date posted: 23w

ocd ruined my relationship

i hate ocd so deeply. just a few months ago the idea of moving in ( in the future ) with the love of my life was comforting and it kept me going. the idea of sharing our lives was everything i needed. now because of ocd it feels like a nightmare, im not excited anymore. ocd makes me doubt that im a bad lover, that i wanted to deeply hurt my lover in the past and that i forgot about it. our relationship was the most comforting thing in my life, genuinely a safe place where i could rest, i felt normal around my lover i could let go of the feeling that I'm a monster. now it's terrible, it's all ruined, i feel like we shouldn't be together, it's a genuine nightmare, and it's not because of them, i love them so much they are the most beautiful person i ever met. it's just that not knowing if i wanted to hurt them or not makes me feel like i shouldnt be around them, so insisting on being in their life makes me feel horrified. my therapist says i shouldn't break up with them because this is all ocd. my lover wants to be with me, they always tell me about how they can't wait to live together, i think they r happy and feel loved in this relationship but it doesn't change how i feel. i Just wish i could go back in time idk what to do anymore. this is what i cherished most in my life and i don't have it anymore and i don't know if ill ever get it back

Lulu~

Date posted: 19w

PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME TT (lowkey begging)

I told a few people on social media about my OCD, including POCD and how distressing it is. But everyone went quiet, then a few hours later I posted that I don’t support pedophilia at all neither do I justify it or am a pedo. Then someone replied with: “I think someone might take it bc u have such an obsessive fear of it u might have actual p3 do philic tendencies” I can’t do this anymore, I’m terrified to spiral again like a few months ago but I’m on the brink of doing it again. I’m shaking and stressing tf out I hate this so so so so so much

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