Someone reply ? I am absolutely shattered, my whole body aches, maybe I got an hour sleep if I was lucky, but don't remember sleeping at all. It's clear to me that I can not sleep round anyone's house but my own. I slept at a friend's because of my pocd because I'm so scared of my head. I told my cousin about my intrusive thoughts whilst a bit drunk last night by text, I said I had to stay at a friend's but I lied and changed my ocd into a different thing. Because it was clear to me that she wondered why I avoid my nephew. So I said I was worried I'd throw him out the window. Cause of course I couldn't say I'm worried everyone will think I'm a pedo cause I think I look shifty in the face around kids. And she said why are you worried about throwing him out the window he is just a little boy. Well of course that made me feel absolutely shit, and now I'm worried she'll tell everyone. I made it clear that I'd never act on the thoughts and she said oh I get it. But she might tell people in the family. And then everyone will think I'm horrible. Someone help. Also anyone know how I can make myself sleep when I get home when he has hopefully gone home? Also I feel so bad about not staying because he begged me to stay ?

I understand you, when I told people I got anxiety like super bad and honestly regretted it but I think it’s was a good thing to do. People will never 100% understand how it feels which is why they might act a bit off when you tell them. I remember telling my friend about hood and she was like so you like girls and I was like no it’s just my brain obsesses over the fact I might and sometimes I feel like she thinks I’m just lying but Idk. She properly dosen’t. Also I think the best think to do is spend time with your nephew with people around only for maybe hour bursts and then go home even though you get anxiety until eventually you don’t have the thoughts because you know that’s not you.

Have you thought about therapy? I know I should have gone it, because I am slightly better now I get ocd thought everyday but it’s not like from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep anymore it’s just more like 5 mins and then it goes away. I know that there is a possibility that in the future it will get worse because I’ve always had times in my life I’ve had really bad anxiety and obsessions but it happens over years. There is ways you can reduce it yourself like I did such as anything that causes you anxiety do it, not if it to harm anyone but like if you can’t watch a show because there’s children in it, watch it even if it gives you anxiety

I was invited to go to my friend’s friend’s bbq party one summer. It was in the city and so it was done out on their balcony on the fifth floor. The hosts just had a new born and when my friend asked if I wanted to hold the baby I had a very intrusive image of dropping the baby off the balcony. Then all these what ifs bombarded me. Like how fast would it take for the baby to hit the ground. What if a stranger passed by. Will the parents make it in time. This really scared me and I couldn’t say “No!” fast enough.

And my friend saw my cousins reply on my laptop so now she probably thinks I want to throw kids out windows

Be honest. Tell them about ocd, explain yourself.

Thanks guys, well they will probably think I am a pedophile if I say about it. It's rediculous I'd never harm a child. I know it's rediculous and if I was a person that wasn't me I'd know I'd never harm anyone I hope to think I look kind cause I try to be kind. And as for going round my nephews, well he comes over once per week with my sister but the thought of him staying over and me waking up getting false memory ocd scared the shit out of me so I had to stay at my friends. And I worry that I look shifty. I told my mum about it and she said she use to have thoughts of harming me when I was little but she's never worried about looking like a pedo. And I'm worried cause I told her this, she took my nephew out to the garden in the dark so he wouldn't stay with me which makes me worry she secretely thinks I am one now. And my sister did the same when I told her she took him in the kitchen when she needed to go in there. I feel like I'm being treated like a sodding pedo. Fuck ocd

Is it possible that you could send the a website or something about it as they properly don’t believe it’s a real thing and are just acting as if you really are?

My mum has had it herself just not the worrying everyone thinks she is one. And my sister has had thoughts of raping people. So I don't know why they treat me like one. They are still loving to me they know I've never acted on it. My mum still buys me chocolates and gives me hugs etc. I'm 19 and she still treats me like her baby lol. And my sister is still lovely to me but I guess they're just paranoid of leaving me in the room with children now which makes me want to kill myself (I have no plans to do so though and know numbers to call if the thoughts get too bad), thinking everyone thinks I'm a monster.

Yeah I have had therapy sessions but they've stopped for a bit until the ocd group starts. To be honest I found it useless. Noone can change the way we think in my opinion. Meds are the only thing that can help. But it isn't helping me and it has almost been three months. Not sure if I'm getting worse or staying the same. And as for the baby fear, I worry about dropping babies. I haven't heald a baby in years. I worry cause their head is so floppy and you have to support it, that I'll let go of it's head and it will die or something. I honestly don't know how I coped with my little sister when I was 8 cause even then I got really horrible intrusive thoughts. It's the things we care about most that we get intrusive thoughts about. It's like our mind hates us