- Date posted
- 2y
I tried doing ERP on my own. Man, was that hard!
I had a big compulsion this morning that I wanted to combat, that is I need to check and remember the info from the description box from a youtube video that I already watched yesterday of someone I am ruminating. Itās a matter of āI NEED TO FIND OUT!ā But I decided to do ERP and expose myself by scrolling through my screenshots and screen recording of compulsions I did yesterday regarding that youtube video (bc I felt the need to record them too), and I tried not to put anything in order (my back didnāt have to be straight, I didnāt check if my glasses are pushed back in place or if my bra strap wasnāt falling from my shoulder, or if my feet needed to be on the ground, etc). I didnāt do my usual ritual or phrases or prayers. I tried not to count anything. I just scrolled and said, āokay OCD, you want me to figure stuff out but Iām not gonna do that right now. Maybe I need to find out something, maybe I donāt! Maybe it will help me (ooh that statement is hard to wrap around), maybe I donāt! Just sit there, hereās your party hat, feel free to stay and leave but Iām not going to engage with you. Iām just gonna go back to work.ā The thing is though, I caught myself trying to exit the app using both my thumbs and thatās one of the compulsions/ritual I have to do so I āhad to do it againā and went back from the top to scroll again, not put anything in order, and I did it about 2 more times? š Am I even doing this right? I donāt know lol I guess I was also cautious that Iāll make this treatment a compulsion in itself. Iām trying and this may not be the perfect way to do it and I may or may not have done a compulsion doing that but⦠thatās the point right? š Any thoughts?