I get suicide thoughts every day, and I also then have nightmares when I sleep, was wounding if anyone else is similar, and what they did to try and deal with the intrusive thoughts?

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅

My mind just starts racing with thoughts all day. I overthink aswell so I just tend to sit in the thoughts and can’t escape. I mostly have thoughts that tell me I don’t like the things I do like snowboarding or backpacking or if I even if I love my girlfriend. Deep down I know I do but then I start getting worried that the more I think these things the more they come true. Then I have tons and tons of more thoughts throughout the day and it just feels like I’m constantly having anxiety and constantly battling my brain over things that don’t even make sense. I’m only 17 and this is extremely hard and I feel like I’m wasting these teenage years. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I’ve picked up reading my bible and praying more but the thoughts persist please help.