Struggling with emotional connection in my relationship, seeking advice.

Need some advice/help

Social media is really kicking my butt. I keep seeing people who say "my SO loves me but I only like them" and the advice is to break up. I've been having trouble being into my feelings for most of my relationship and didn't realize it was ROCD until after it caused huge tension in my relationship (now repaired), but I still struggle to say "I love you" because it's hard for me to feel the strength in emotional connection that comes with love. Every time I get a negative thought about my bf or relationship, it just gets harder bc I feel like I only recognize negatives about him. He means so much to me and I adore him truly, but I don't understand why I'm struggling to feel it. Even when intimate, I just don't get it. It's like I'm kissing him, but my mind is elsewhere and I feel incredibly guilty. When we are talking, it feels like I'm bored and trying to focus even though it should come easy for someone you care to listen to and it makes me feel like I genuinely don't care for him which is false. I feel like dissociate sometimes because I'm there but just not present not really. I hear but don't listen. I'm forgetful. I am confused. Does anyone else have or has had this experience? What do you do? How do you fix it? Because at this rate, I'm just feeling like I'm making excuses for lack of feelings.

Relationship OCD

Username: Arándano Arándano

Date posted: 2y ago

I wrote a paragraph and I think I tried to reassure you so I deleted it, hope you didn't read it or ignore what I said, what I want to say now is, do ERP if you can, maybe you love him, maybe you don't. Accept uncertainty, if you want to be in that relationship just stay there and accept uncertainty. You're not a bad person for doing dissociation but keep that in check and see a professional or search a solution, it's better not using these distorted survival mechanisms

Username: Sero82Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

I did not read it, and thank you for the advice. It's just so scary to do ERP because I never want to suddenly do "maybe I love him, maybe I don't" and all of a sudden it's "oh ya don't love him, don't care." I've been like this for a few years now, and it just grows scarier to feel like this while you have someone deeply in touch with their feelings and emotionally present.

Username: smsmith_14smsmith_14

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I have ROCD.. best way to get better from it was to do ERP with my therapist as well as to get my wife involved in the treatment… I’m 100X better now

Username: Elizabeth KeatingElizabeth Ke...

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 2y ago

Have you read “Relationship OCD: A CBT-Based Guide to Move Beyond Obsessive Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear of Commitment in Romantic Relationships” by Sheva Rajaee MFT. That may be really helpful!

Username: Sero82Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

I have not read it. Thank you for the suggestion!

Username: Princessandthepea Princessandt...

Date posted: 2y ago

I had the same problem :( all I can say is I know how you feel…

Username: dustinwcraigdustinwcraig

Date posted: 2y ago

Hey Sero, this is something I have struggled with all my life. Something I have come to realize after talking with other couples and being married for a few years is that emotions “ALWAYS” go away. But that is not what love is. Love is a choice. Emotions can accompany that, but most of the time they don’t. And that’s ok🙂 I don’t feel that emotional pull towards my wife like when we first started dating, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. It’s kind of like with ERP. You are exposed to something that causes you to have anxiety but with repetition, you become desensitized to the fear and anxiety and you no longer experience it. In my experience, desensitization goes both ways. For things that cause anxiety and things we are passionate about and love🙂

Username: Sero82Sero82

Date posted: 2y ago

Thanks for sharing! I've read the "love is a choice" numerous times on here, and it still gets me anxious because what we see love depicted as versus how it really is are 2 different things entirely. When you have it the one way versus how love is made to be viewed as on mainstream, it makes you think what you have isn't really love. It's nerve-wracking. I know you said not having the same emotional pull doesn't mean you don't love your partner, but does it mean that because someone experiences less of a pull they love the person less or differently?

Username: dustinwcraigdustinwcraig

Date posted: 2y ago

Media is the WORST for misportraying love! And to answer your question, absolutely not🙂 99% of married couples if asked would say they rarely have the emotional pull anymore. It comes on occasions. But hardly ever after you’ve been together for a little while. That’s normal 🙂 and some people are just wired differently and experience the positive emotions a little bit more. But that’s just a big serotonin mind dump🙂 Chemicals in our brain cause the feeling of love. But love is definitely a choice🙂

Username: dustinwcraigdustinwcraig

Date posted: 2y ago

In the Greek language, they have 3 different words for love, because they realized it is more than the positive emotional pull (they also didn’t have movies back then haha)

Username: brhtpurple

Date posted: 4y ago

I’ve had doubts my whole relationship with my boyfriend. Things like “you don’t find him attractive. You don’t think he’s funny. You’re lesbian because you don’t love him. You don’t love him at all. You think he’s annoying. You think his face looks weird. You want to be with other guys. He doesn’t make you happy.” But I always cry and get upset at the thought of losing him. Is that ocd, or something wrong with the relationship. It’s so hard to tell if this is Rocd or if this is one of those, “you never loved nor were interested in him in the first place.” Type things. I want to be interested and in love with him so bad, but I feel like all these thoughts get in the way. :( I don’t get that crazy “you love him so much,” feeing everyone talks about. Like yeah I know I feel for him and love him for who he is, but I don’t feel crazy deep in love :(

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Hello everyone, I really need help or advice (advice that isn't triggering please). My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and I struggle alot with ROCD. I get scared that I don't love her anymore or I'm just in denial. Alot of the time it feels like the feelings aren't there and I I even get uncomfortable at times whenever she tries to kiss me or anything. On the other hand whenever I imagine myself getting better and the feelings coming back and having a future together it seems like it's what I want. Sometimes, it's like I have urges to break up and get scared I'm better off like that, now I don't know what to do but I do know that I want to just get better and stay with her. I just want to know if anyone here feels like this or maybe gets these urges and gets uncomfortable with there partner. Again, please no triggering comments. I would really appreciate it.

Username: Chlo_alexis

Date posted: 2y ago

Question

Hey guys I have rocd and I need advise or some words of encouragement When it comes to the feelings of oh I dont love my boyfriend even when I say I do it feels like im lying to myself and it makes me discouraged but I am too numb to fight it Its like my body doesn't want to accept I do Moments when I think oh I want to do something with my boyfriend my brain and feelings shut it down like oh its just going to turn into a routine or nothing he does will make you into him It just makes me depressed and numb because I love my boyfriend a lot, I could not imagine leaving him when I know all I want is him Sometimes my head tells me oh you are too young to have rocd (im 19) or there's always the grass greener on the other Side why settle But I love long term relationships and I want it with him, I chose to date him because it was something about him that was just different and I instantly connected with him We also been together for almost a year (anniversary on August 25) and sometimes my head tells me oh if you guys were together longer its rocd since a lot of people that are on the app I've seen had their relationship for years With anyone dealing with this and go through these episodes in recovery what is it that you do that helps you go forward with your partner and not feeling like giving up

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Struggling with emotional connection in my relationship, seeking advice.

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