POCD-arrested

Hey guys I’ve been doing very well in terms of managing OCD but recently I’ve been having this intrusive thought of what if the cops arrest me for my Google search history. I used to feel what i now recognize as a huge sense of responsibility to protect children from cp and would Google cp into the search bar and on p*rn sites to report to cybertip. I’ve only done the latter once or twice but now I’m obsessively anxious about thinking of what if the cops check my computer, whether it looks like I have intent to watch etc. Please advise :(

Username: LocnaLocna

Date posted: 2y ago

Your here so you recognize theres a problem. We are all here to support and uplift you in the darkest of days. Part of growing in OCD and any obtrusive non helpful disorder is accepting the consequences and learning how to work through them. Only then can we begin to stand. OCD is uncertainty which leads to extra behavior or ideations. We become fearful and when people become fearful, they create. It all repeats full circle. Try to sit with these thoughts and observe the chaos. Keep in mind a part of recovery is accepting a problem exists that is within our ability maintain, medicate, and educate.

Username: winterdream winterdream

Date posted: 2y ago

@Absolutely Hey sorry for the late response but thank you so much, you have no idea how much it means to me to feel supported. This Advice is amazing and I’m definitely putting in more effort to observe rather than react. Thank you deeply, again

Username: LucywilefireLucywilefire

Date posted: 2y ago

I mean theres no point worrying abt that now. Unless you clicked on a link, they cant arrest you purely on search history i think.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

if it makes you feel better to fact check: the feds are much, much more interested in people who actively make, distribute, and share that kind of sick stuff. i remember a streamer accidentally viewed CSAM in a deep web ‘game’ (long story) and he’s fine, though i think he reported it to the feds. but in any case, the other poster is right that acknowledging you made a mistake is the first step. you had good intentions, but that stuff is best left to the professionals, for everyone’s safety, including yours! being uncomfortable is ok, it’s part of the process.

Username: winterdream winterdream

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Thank you so much, this did help me feel better. I really appreciate your thoughtful response

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 5y ago

I used to have Harm OCD but ever since I watched that Black Mirror episode called “Shut Up and Dance” my obsession has been on POCD. For a long time I was petrified of typing “child porn” into google so I did a lot of avoiding. But then I started trying to get reassurance that nothing bad would pop up if you googled it anyway. I got so fed up with the thought that I ended up typing it in myself. I felt disgusted and guilty, and was naive enough to think I would at least no longer have to worry about typing that anymore. But then all these what ifs pooped up like “you didn’t check Bing, Twitter, Yahoo, etc”. So I ended up checking again to ensure myself that nothing would pop up. Then it got worse where I typed in some really disgusting things into google again because I just couldn’t handle the anxiety and uncertainty. I felt stupid every time and powerless. I managed to go about a week without checking but today an intrusive memory came back about a youtube link that had a questionable title in it when I google searched. So ended up going back and checked the video only to of course see that it was nothing horrible. I feel scared and paranoid. Like I have no control of myself. I hate this compulsion and I can’t love myself for doing all this. I’ve suffered from groinal responses and other sexual intrusive thoughts involving this theme but I just want someone to tell me I’m being paranoid. My mind won’t shut up about all this. It just wants me to keep checking and checking to make sure google is safe. How can I possibly love myself after all this? I don’t want this but the anxiety is unbearable and I can barely breathe. I didn’t think it would ever get this bad and it feels like even when I resist OCD wins anyway... or at least I hope it’s OCD.

POCD

Username: ELO

Date posted: 5y ago

POCD TRIGGER Years ago I once read someone’s post on another website who had looked up child pornography because their intrusive thoughts were getting them so much that they just figured that they were that way inclined. And they said that they pleasured themselves to this and then felt horrible and sick and guilty. I felt sorry for this person as they were clearly suffering from OCD and were not a pedophile. For some reason, this has entered my head today as I already have the fear of police scanning what I write on here and coming for me with them getting the wrong idea of me. Then I think the police would of definitely have went for that person as seeing that on their search list on their computer ID etc. Then came the fear of ‘what if I have done that and searched for that’. But that’s something you would know if you had done I’m telling myself.

POCD

Username: jdjdhsjajdbdn

Date posted: 1y ago

Help

I've got a horrible urge to search up CP and I don't know what to do. It feels like I really want to do it. I can't tell if I want to do it but it's telling me I want to and that I'll like it and I'll never enjoy anything again until I do it. How do I prevent myself from doing it, is this is a sign of ocd and how can I distract? I'm scared I'm a pedo but I'm perhaps more scared that this thought won't go unless I do it or that I'll do it because of ocd and then go to jail.

POCD

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POCD-arrested

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