I have done a big series of compulsions for 30+ times for over 2 hours at work, each time I would miss one or do one wrongly, I start over, I did everything at the end and I’m still not satisfied because of the one little thing that I thought strongly didn’t feel right. I can’t stop :(
I know what you mean... I've struggled a lot with this over the years. It can be a real struggle. The more you give in and keep doing your compulsions though the worse it'll get and the more you'll just keep doing them. Tell yourself "Maybe you're right OCD, maybe I should do that compulsion so I'll feel better. Maybe if I don't do it I'll keep obsessing and stressing about it, so what?" and then try to sit with the anxiety that you feel from not doing that compulsion. Just try to go on with your day and do your work and not ruminate about your compulsion. I know it's easier said than done, but in time it really does get easier. I also recommend starting on a low dosage of medication like Zoloft (Certruline) to help you with the intrusive thoughts (not that I'm qualified in anyway to say so, so only if your therapist agrees of course). I'll be in prayer for you Sofia. Don't give up, you can do this. :)
@Drew777 I’m seeing a psychiatrist later so thanks for sharing your experience! I was on Lexapro a few years ago but I was never consistent with it. I’m really praying that my psychiatrist can also guide me. And thank you for the prayers. To be honest, already feel icky just doing an urge I said I won’t do and I’m not satisfied with, and I feel like I shouldn’t have done it because I wanted my big compulsion a few hours ago to be my last one and not this small research thing I just did. I feel like I didn’t have a big “nice satisfying compulsion ending”. Now it doesn’t feel right again. But your words give me encouragement. I hate this. But I’m gonna try. Phil. 4:13
@SofiaLovedAndHealed I know exactly what you mean SofiaLovedAndHealed. You prepare yourself to do a compulsion and you think "this is the last time because after this compulsion I know I'll feel better" and then you do it and you don't feel better and you think "okay, just one more..." and it just continues inevitably as you're in search for that "nice satisfying compulsion ending" you're looking for. And I'm not just saying this based on what you're saying from your situation, I say this from my own experience as well. OCD will never feel right... it's a continuous thing that we just push through and learn to live with. It definitely does get easier though, so we're not doomed to a life of misery by any means. We can learn to live with OCD and be happy again. :) remember to find something to smile about each day, it's the small things that make a big difference. I hope your meeting with your psychiatrist goes well, I will pray for you that it will go well. :) Dear Jesus, I pray that You would take care of Sofia today and give her peace and encouragement through her struggles with her OCD. I also pray that her appointment with her psychiatrist would go well today and they would be able to provide her with the help she needs with her OCD. I also pray Lord that if it be Your will her psychiatrist would prescribe her some medication that would be beneficial to her for her OCD. I ask all of these things in Your Perfect and Holy name Jesus, Amen. Also, here's a couple Bible verses for you for encouragement. :) "God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection." - Psalms 18:30 NLT "Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29 NLT
Hey guys just wondering if anyone suffers from this type of OCD. I feel a big struggle to even begin things because it doesn’t feel right or if I resume things it doesn’t feel right. Anyone have any advice ? Thank you
I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
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