- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Relationship OCD? Religious OCD?
Hi everyone, I am currently waiting for a NOCD therapist since I am in NV and there are none available at this time. I would really like some feedback, suggestions and guidance if possible. I’m not even totally sure what I am experiencing is ocd or not. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder three years ago and I do have a lot of guilt, rumination and reassurance seeking behaviors (asking family members, my partners, and googling nonstop). As well as other obsessions like double checking to make sure the pothole I drove over wasn’t actually a person, constantly checking if things I say are dishonest in any way, checking alarms, locks etc. Ever since my relationship ended after my senior year of high-school relationships have a been a source of anxiety. It wasn’t until five years later that I found someone I connected with off the bat. The dating phase was mostly smooth but as soon as the prospect of making a commitment came up that’s when all of the anxiety came. I was constantly praying, ruminating and asking others to make sure the relationship was right. I made a promise to God after my last relationship that I would not date anyone unless I knew they were the one I was to marry. I decided to say yes to being his girlfriend, and boom my anxiety was off the wall. I felt fine with him but away from him my anxiety was so bad. Finally the anxiety got so bad that I felt I had to break up with him. Only two months later I was in tears realizing that I missed him and five months later we ended up getting back together. We are approaching a year of being back together and as we started planning the one year anniversary the anxiety is back and the feelings of avoidance, and I feel even numb and unattracted to him. I’ve been googling a lot again and asking my mom for advice. I always have always had this feeling or maybe fear that God is telling me to leave my relationship even though I really don’t want to. He is such a great guy and I feel so safe and comfortable with him. He is my best friend. the anxiety around this is so great I no longer can go to church without having an anxiety attack. I have also felt this back when I made a choice with my career and although in hindsight I see it was a good choice, the whole time I had this intense anxiety that I wasn’t following Gods plan or something. I was so confused. Does anyone know where I can start? Or can anyone relate? Finding a therapist who understands has felt like such a challenge and especially finding an affordable one. I have taken a course about erp online and I kind of know what it is now but have a hard time applying it. Feeling so lost, depressed and hopeless. Any advice would be much appreciated.