does things ever get quieter?

I’ve come to a point in my life where I can be very happy. I have a safe environment, a loving community. Yknow I’ve really healed through or moved on from a traumatic past and as I say to my boyfriend from time to time like a broken record: I feel like nowadays the only thing bringing me stress or at times misery is myself. I am a fairly joyful person, when I’m comfortable I’m very goofy and like to sing dance and have fun. I find that I relate to so many amazing people I meet that are the nicest, most fun, elevating individuals, who also struggle with the hardest sometime debilitating things. It truly sucks because when I find those moments of peace I see the power of what an ocd mind could be as a person. We are people who may over analyze, but I myself also always find the good in people. And aye if in a moment I don’t think anything is doomly wrong and if I don’t try to understand it I may parish 😅 then that moment feels like the best one in the world. But on the other side of that when I’m not in a quiet mind moment and I’m left with myself to take control of what life in front of me looks like in or around me. I almost have been crumbling. Like I said at the beginning of this story here, the life around me is not so situationally stressful. And it’s also fairly simple. My boyfriend and I live together in a small cozy trailer with our two cats, he works full time very hard and I work part time where I spend as much time as I can working and then have a few days around the house. We’re saving for a home and are quite content with our lifestyle at the moment with work and being “lazy”, or resting and going out for fun now an then on our time off together. Most times though I do have day or two off during the week by myself, which usually goes one of only two ways. Like I said before I do like to work hard, especially now that I have a part time job that’s fairly easier than others I’ve had in the past. So I work 6-7 hours then drive home, air up my tires and wash my car sometimes because I like doing something after work while I still have energy.Or I go to the store. Come home make food, prolly nap and not really worry about too much because I’ve worked all day. But on my days off. I find myself waking up with a lot of anxiety. I usually fight it off by going back to sleep. But my OCD is heavily circled around shame. Even though I only sleep in till 10-11, 12-1 at the latest. I find myself thinking about how wrong (in nice terms) it is to do that. And the funny thing is the older I get (I’m a 21F). I’m not as pressured by this thought, even though it’s still stressful it literally just feels like a thought I can’t escape from. To put things in simple terms. I truly psycho analyze my actions breath by breath and my intrusive thoughts are critiquing those actions bit by bit. I’ve recently have started medication and it was a tremendous difference in the beginning and it helped me cope with the acceptance and letting go (f it or just care less) of those thoughts. But let’s say I forget to take it, or I wake up one morning by myself all day and I’m super tired or unmotivated. That day will feel truly debilitated. And now I’m definitely to the point where I’m battling that, but also have a thin vale behind that where I now know what is going on. And the thoughts are shameful for “not trying to get better or be better” Because I do Like I write a lot, and it truly is one of the best coping mechanisms for working through intrusive or obsessive compulsions. I could also write all day, and if I don’t listen to that ease of the anxiety from writing. And try to keep going the writing will turn into a compulsion itself I feel like I should not stop or critique it as well. But luckily I’ll hopefully find my place in explaining the cycle of what I do when my brain is very loud about things. The next time it’s too loud:)

Hi I’m 17. My life since I was born has been full of exploring and tons and tons of hobbies. I have adhd. But about 1 year ago is when it kinda started or at least when I started to notice these thoughts and compulsions. I got in a relationship with my girlfriend. And about 2 weeks into that relationship my I started thinking “what if I don’t love her” and I didn’t even know that that’s what ocd was at the time and it ruined with gut wrenching anxiety for months. Then I started titling it as ocd. After we broke up I started to notice that my ocd was starting to flare up a lot. Like when I was snowboarding and normally when I was having the most fun is when I would ask myself things like “what if I hate this” “what if I’m not having fun” then I would try to feel if I was having fun. I would use chat gpt a lot to try and help it but it didn’t really help. I have lots of other ocd thoughts aswell but at the time this one really caused be anxiety and I just felt numb and I became not social. To this day I’m still not as social and I don’t feel like myself anymore. This is the opposite of who I was a year ago. Then I started questioning everything I do and people I love. So it feels like from the moment I wake up my mind just starts spiraling. I can’t seem to find peace or joy in anything anymore and I just feel like my life is going to continue like this and I’ll never be happy. I’ve accepted it at this point. I would love some help. I haven’t really told anyone I know so any tips would be appreciated. I’d be surprised if you even read this far haha. I’m also Christian and love to approach things from a Christian standpoint. I don’t want to sound like a baby who isn’t experiencing real ocd and it’s hard to put into words how much it affects me I just really hope yall understand and can help.

I've been struggling with ocd since I was 7. I'm 18 now and it feels like the older I've gotten the worse it's gotten. I don't know how to deal with it and i feel so lost and alone. Its hard for me to even say what my intrusive thoughts are or to even fully acknowledge it to myself in my head because im scared that if i put it out in the world itll be true or if i acknowledge the thought it solidifies it and makes it true. i feel like im just over exaggerating what im feeling and im turning something that isnt there into something bigger which makes it hard to talk about it with other people. Especially because im not diagnosed but I know it's ocd but what if it isnt? What if im lying to myself or I'm just doing it to get attention and I don't realize it? I just try to deal with it on my own but it's so hard and feels impossible. I feel like ocd has contaminated every part of my life that I enjoy. The things that used to bring me comfort are now filled with things that trigger my ocd and bring me anxiety.