Harm OCD

I literally hate living with OCD….I was so happy before with not having these thoughts…😢 I have so many intrusive thoughts about stabbing (specifically my husband) and it makes me hate myself and makes me want to cry. I never dealt with this until almost 2 1/2 months ago, and I don’t want to anymore…I’m so tired of living like this:( Now it feels like I don’t even care if I act on it or not…like it wouldn’t be that bad of a thing, which I 100% know it is an awful thing, the most awful thing you could ever do to a person. But I’m worried that I’m eventually not gonna care and that I’m gonna give into the thoughts…😢 I feel like I was a good person before this. I love people and being around them. I love my husband so much, but having this makes me question if I even love my husband because I feel like harm ocd is not letting me feel those feelings for him…when I know I love him tho:( Someone pls help:(

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y

Omg. I have been here. Reading your words is like reading my own mind. Mine started in college with one thought and it spiraled. I was afraid I would become possessed and kill all my roommates. I had horrible images in my head of it like a horror movie. I would lay in bed and get hot flashes/sweat/shake, etc. Like you, I am a kind, good person (I would like To think so and everyone says I am that’s in my life). I still struggle with my harm ocd but it has gotten better bc I have talked to so many people and almost everyone I talk to has these thoughts. The only difference between them and us ocd sufferers is that we cannot let them go. We want to know why we would think these horrid things. But. Everyone does. It doesn’t mean anything about you other than that you are a kind, caring person and ocd is going to tell you that you are the opposite of whatever you are. If you don’t want to have harm thoughts, you’ll have them. You have to become indifferent toward them and truly actually say “yea ok so what” to your own horrible thoughts. You may think “well that means one day I’ll agree with them”. Nope. You won’t. Becoming numb to them doesn’t mean you agree with them because they were never a part of your moral compass in the first place. We have overactive frontal lobes and our bizzare thoughts literally mean NOTHING about who we are as people. I can tell just by your post, that you have a good soul. I hope this helps. I went through this and still do sometimes so I am here for you. Hang in there. You will survive this. It does get better. It DOES.

StrawberrySh...

Date posted: 2y

@Itsheathersocd Thank you😢 how long did it take for you to get better? Did you use medication at all?

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y

@StrawberryShortcake I went into a flare this summer and so I started lexapro about 3 months ago and it’s been helping. I’ve gone off and on lexapro since 19. My flares happen randomly. I can have zero harm ocd for like 6 months and then BAM. There it is. It was more debilitating when I was in college and mid twenties (now I’m 30). It’s all a journey but the lexapro has truly helped me along with therapy (everything I told you I learned from an ocd specialist so think of it as free therapy 🫶🏻). If you can, I’d consider seeing a therapist but one that specializes in ocd and get these thoughts out in the open instead of being pent up inside you. You’ll get through to a better place 🫶🏻

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y

@37884 I relate. When I have an intrusive thought and don’t react or feel anything, my next intrusive thought is “wow you didn’t ready to that. So are you gonna end up doing it. Do you like it?” SMH. It’s all lies. Bc I have yet to ever act and this has been going on 12 years now. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. You just have to remember we obsess about ours. That’s the only thing that makes us diff. You are a whole lot more normal than your ocd allows you to believe. I promise you that 🫶🏻

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 2y

@Itsheathersocd React *

StrawberrySh...

Date posted: 2y

@Itsheathersocd Did you ever have the thought, “it wouldn’t be that bad if I did something like that, it’s not that bad of a thing”..? My brain is freaking out over this thought because I know it’s so awful:( I just don’t ever want to have that “feeling” again that it isn’t that bad, and it wouldn’t be that bad if I did that thing. ^^if this makes sense haha. Is that a normal harm ocd intrusive thought/feeling?

StrawberrySh...

Date posted: 2y

@Itsheathersocd Also thank you! I was in therapy for a couple weeks but had to stop due to trying to save up money for my husband and I moving. How do I go about getting on medication? I feel like my doctor would think I’m crazy if I told him my thoughts and everything. I am 22 rn.

Space1234

Date posted: 2y

I also have harm ocd that is mostly directed to my husband, it’s one of the hardest things I have ever been through. My husband is my best friend and I love him so much so I know deep down I don’t want to do the things my thoughts or feelings are saying even though it feels so scary and real. So I absolutely know what you are going through. Just wanted to share that so you don’t feel so alone!

StrawberrySh...

Date posted: 2y

@Space1234 Thank you so much! And same…my husband is my best friend and I know I love him SO much…my thoughts just get to me so much sometimes:(

Space1234

Date posted: 2y

@StrawberryShortcake Me too, the worse for me is how it makes me feel like I actually want to do these things and I question myself. It’s so scary.

BoringJohnson

Date posted: 2y

I can relate to this so much as this is my main theme and it started over a year ago and gradually got worse. I wouldn’t want to harm my boyfriend and he’s so kind and loving. I feel guilt when a thought pops up but he’s aware of my ocd and my harm thoughts towards him and that helps, he understands when I’m having a moment.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

anonymous737...

Date posted: 23w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

laladracu

Date posted: 18w

Harm ocd

I am so scared that my *undiagnosed* OCD is going to make me harm someone close to me in my family. I’m afraid of knives, I’m afraid of things that COULD be a weapon like pens, forks or anything like that. My sister is my BFF and my thoughts have latched onto her. I’m so afraid!! I don’t know how to make them stop. How do I stop and will it eventually subside? How do I work on compulsions? I’m on Zoloft 50mg as well for 3.5 weeks and a lot of my other worries have subsided except this one. I feel like a crazy person :( Also does this sound like OCD?

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