going housebound bc of my symptoms

everything’s been really terrifying and loud lately and i found myself not leaving the house if i could avoid it, missing classes and appointments etc. i don’t WANT to give into the illnesses; i don’t WANT it to take my freedom. so i started going to class again. i haven’t been doing much else - i don’t eat out very much anymore, i send other people to the grocery store, and i’ve moved important meetings and appointments online. anyways, i’m sitting in class right now and battling the urge to leave. i made an agreement with myself that i could leave at the break if i still needed to. but i recognize that that is ALSO giving into the illnesses, and i don’t wanna concede more than i already have. i just feel so afraid all the time, and home is so much less overwhelming than anywhere else. i’m looking for people who have also experienced this. do y’all have any tips on how to manage? i feel like i’m going absolutely insane.

vadencollective

Date posted: 2y

My awesome therapist gave me a method that has really helped me a lot with these similar feelings. I will set small, achievable goals. For example – five minutes, 10 minutes etc. that is not near as intimidating as knowing you’ve got to be somewhere for hours. after every goal, I ask myself if I’m ready to challenge more or if I could just meet that same challenge again. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment even when I make the smallest of goals. Helps me to be defiant and in my own head smack talk my OCD. “I just beat you for five minutes, if I can do that, I can do 20 minutes 30 etc.”

nini18040

Date posted: 2y

@vadencollective thank you so much :’) it’s really good to know that i’m doing the right thing. is there a life outside of the defiance for us? like, have you experienced moments of not feeling like this, or has your therapist told you any long-term techniques to help resolve it? i think my biggest issue is that i know i CAN make it through class, because i know i’m stronger than my emotional turmoil, but i don’t know if i can make it through years and years of feeling like an exposed nerve every time i step out of the house. if this is only another week, or even a few months, i can make it through it. i can practice the defiance! but not if this is what it’s always gonna be. it’s like if this is what it’s always gonna be, i might as well give in now and let the symptoms “protect” me from the vulnerability. does that make sense?

vadencollective

Date posted: 2y

@nini18040 Sorry for the slow reply, still figuring this app out😊There have been plenty of ups and downs as you can imagine. One of the things that I have had to adjust my thinking on is how my stress levels affect triggers in my OCD levels. It was backwards from what I would have expected. When my stress levels are at their lowest and things are wonderful, that is when the bad can sneak up on me and totally send me reeling. I think just because I was in the world as roses and was not braced. When stress levels are high, it’s like I’m walking around with my guard up. Every victory is what I think of us gaining ground. I get very defiant. I will close my eyes, squeeze my wife’s hand and say to myself; “you will not ruin this for me!” I think of my OCD issues as that nasty little goblin sitting on my shoulder the lights to stir up albums every chance he gets. It may be silly to some, but trash talking him does seem to help out. I will be cheering you on. You keep fighting the good fight and knowing that you can have a life outside of our stress!

joniv4

Date posted: 2y

You all are awesome and strong keep up the good work.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

I want my life back!!!

I want my life back! I was always a great cleaner, neat, etc but not compulsive ely. Now because of my fears in my own home and elsewhere, I avoid cleaning the way I should. I actually have to psych myself up to do it and my house is just a mess!!! Has anyone been in this situation and found a way to get mote accomplished at home and elsewhere (shopping, etc) without it taking so long????? I would appreciate any helpful comments. Thank you!!!

bun <3

Date posted: 15w

everything around me feels contaminated :((

sorry this is super long i just wanna know if anyone else has been thru something similar bc i feel super alone 🩷 i have super bad contamination ocd. it was bad already but my house was like my safe space until a few months ago someone brought something into my house that i considered ‘contaminated’. and so then i felt like that part of the house was contaminated, then it spread to everything outside my room (since family is moving around touching stuff) and then somehow i got convinced everything in my room except my bed is contaminated and i need to wash my hands after touching it. in my mind its like the contamination just infinitely spreads to things after the tiniest bit of touch. idek what im afraid of anymore or even what the original thing was but i can’t let it go. when i have to wash off contamination i have to wash at least 4 times or until it feels right, or sometimes take rlly long showers and wipe down all my stuff. i even throw away food and clothes or just whole items sometimes because they feel so contaminated i don’t want them in my space. i can’t be super near people or have anyone touch me, and i also can’t bring anything new into my room since it had to go through the entry of my house which feels contaminated. i feel like all i do is lay in bed and then wash my hands and do compulsions so i can go eat or do other stuff around the house. also i never go out because i’m bc people outside make me feel dirty, and i hate thinking about how many people have touched stuff in stores or in public and stuff. so im just in my room worrying all day. i feel so trapped and the contamination/avoiding it is all i think about anymore i barely have time for anything else and im never present when i talk to people because im worrying about if i accidentally got contaminated. im starting erp next week and knowing that im going to have to expose myself to things is really freaking me out. does anyone else have this kind of ocd ? im exhaustedddd 🥲🥲💔

Contamination OCD

suzie90

Date posted: 12w

Panic attacks leaving home

Hey! Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar. A bit of background: I have POTS and had a horrible flare up in March which led to us calling ambulances; I started on meds which didn’t agree with me; the POTS flare passed and left me with horrific anxiety on a level I’ve never experience before. I was still able to go out and do every day things like grocery shopping and see my nan but nothing more. Fast forward a few weeks my uncle dies and the grief and stress triggered a massive migraine, and bc I’ve never had a migraine before it scared me and I thought I was having a stroke or something. The migraine passed but my brain latched onto the fear of it and how it felt to have one. Long story short since the beginning of the year it’s been one thing after another. A few days ago I had the worst panic attack ever downstairs in my house (felt like I couldn’t feel my arm or face) and it sent me into a spiral. I am now terrified to leave the house in case I have a panic attack outdoors, it just feels so unsafe. I went to the shop with my dad yesterday and felt so bad, but i managed to do it and I was proud. Tried again to go to a different shop closer to home because I was already feeling bad, and it was horrific. I started having a panic attack, felt faint, my arm and face went tingly, so we went back home. I’m trying to challenge myself every day but I am really really struggling and not sure what to do at this point. I tried fluoxetine but had horrible side effects (which included a horrific dip in my mood) so I had to stop them. I’m seeing my doctor tomorrow to tell her everything and explain how difficult it is, but I’m just SO scared all the time. It’s like my body is constantly scanning for danger. It’s got to a point where it’s been going on for so long I’m just desperate to try anything to help me feel just a little bit better. I’m not asking for much, I just want to be able to go to the shop without feeling like I’m going to die. My question is has anyone else dealt with anything like this? The panic attacks are terrifying, and even though I know they’re “not dangerous” it does not help because they’re still so so scary and even worse when I’m out of my bedroom because if I’m by myself I can kinda lie down, do some breathing and talk myself round. I just don’t know how to get over this and I’m so so sad because I’m 31 and scared of being stuck like this forever 😭

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going housebound bc of my symptoms

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