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Username: stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

Please help

I’m suddenly really struggling right now. I’m having suicidal thoughts and I feel like the best option for me is to do it. My family really really loves me but I don’t think I can do it. I wish I felt I could live for them but I feel like that’s selfish of me because what if I’m actually a bad person. I’ve seen people talking on here saying they’ve struggled for more than 20 years and I’ve only been struggling for a few months. And this is absolute torture. I cant imagine living like this for that long. Because that chance of me being a bad person or not being able to live the life I wanted is a chance I feel I can’t take. I know in order to overcome ocd you need to accept the either or. But I don’t feel strong enough. I wish I was different.

Username: davidlunceford10davidluncefo...

Date posted: 2y ago

You can feel your feelings and have your thoughts without attaching to them. I’ve been suicidal because of my OCD many times and was even hospitalized because of it. It’s a painful disease. I found out today that moving as far forward as you can gauge your brain to safely move forward is a good way to feel better. It’s gets easier as you train in not believing the thoughts or entangling with them. Imagine there’s a monster who you’re playing tug of war with. He’s trying to drag you into the pit and is yelling all sorts of things at you. You can let go of the rope. Practice letting go of what you’re clinging to, like when you stop contracting a muscle. I feel for you ✊ you’ll make it through that

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@davidlunceford10 Thank you. I’ve also just a month ago been hospitalized for being suicidal. But I can’t go back. They didn’t help much. I understand it was to make sure I don’t hurt myself. But I just want it to go away. I’m trying everything in my power to follow the steps of recovery but today is really getting to me and my hope is fading away.

Username: OverworriedOverworried

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

You are strong enough! You are here and starting to get help. I know it’s hard. I’m in absolutely the same spot. But things can and WILL get better. Is there anyone that you can be with right now? I really do understand and please please know you aren’t alone! It won’t be a 20 year struggle for you since you have already begun the journey. Please check Mark Freeman, Nathan Peterson, Patrick McGrath and Chrissie Hodges videos on YouTube. You are SO important to your family and to all of us here!!!!

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Overworried Thank you. I’m just really losing my hope today.

Username: TavioTavio

Date posted: 2y ago

I don't know if anything i say can help, but i just deeply hope that you get through this day safe and doing better. OCD is no joke and yeah, the worse days can really feel like a torture, but it will go away, and the best we can do is exactly what we are doing now: trying. It is not a non-ending cycle, life happens between the struggle and life is always worth fighting for, still, no one deserves to fight this alone, so i really hope you have someone to talk to, if not about OCD about anything else. I'm doing therapy a few months now and while it still not perfect, i feel that i can understand myself more and i really hope you can feel the same. You are not a bad person and you're not your thoughts. You will get through this, you are loved and everyday is a victory. Hoping for the best!!

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Tavio Thank you. I’m very open with my family about my struggles and they do their best to understand. So I do have support and love. But today has been extremely hard. I’m trying to get the help I need at the moment before I make any bad choices. But I do appreciate your response.

Username: TavioTavio

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger Be safe

Username: Hope!!Hope!!

Date posted: 2y ago

You got this!!! I promise you I was you a year ago and when I tell you things get better they really really do!!!!!

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Hope!! Thank you. I hope I get better

Username: Hope!!Hope!!

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger You will! This days going to pass this moment is too! Tomorrow is a new day and a better day! Please hold on to hope!!

Username: OverworriedOverworried

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Thinking about you today too

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Overworried Thank you so much. You all really helped me hold on last night. I can’t say I’m feeling too much better. But definitely got some motivation because of everyone’s encouragement.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger How’s it going today? Happy December, btw 🌧. If you need someone to talk to, I would love to talk

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous It’s very much big ups and downs throughout the days. My birthday is tomorrow which is scary because I never thought I’d reach that age. And I’m dreading the days to come and still have to deal with this. You are so nice to reach out!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger No problem 😌

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Hi, how’s it going today? Please let us know if you need anything. Have a beautiful day!

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous It’s going okay. Doing a lot of overthinking but trying not to let it bother me. Thank you.

Username: OverworriedOverworried

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I really do know how you are feeling. Sometimes it seems unfair that we have to be so brave and strong to get through this disorder but it is what it is. Rely on all of us in the OCD community- some of the bravest and kindest people I’ve ever known and take things 1 hour at a time if you need to. You are way stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Hi, I was suicidal once. I am so happy that I didn't do it. Please contact the national suicide prevention hotline if you feel suicidal. Your family will really, really suffer if you take your life. My advice: Just. don't. do. it. It is not going to fix your problems. On top of that, it will create devastation for your loved ones. I really, really hope you will get better. When I was suicidal I thought I would never get better, really, but I did. Please get help. It is out there. I am sure the crisis number can assist you. I am rooting for you. Best wishes! <3

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Thank you. I’m chatting with a suicide hotline at the moment. I can’t say it’s helping a lot. But I hope something clicks in my brain to not do it.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger Ask them for a therapist you can talk to. When I felt suicidal I attended an intensive outpatient program. You don’t have to go to the hospital. It really helped me immensely and some of the advice I received I still use almost a year and a half later. Ask them for immediate assistance if you need it. If you need to be hospitalized, it’s okay. You don’t have to feel ashamed, we all have feelings and sometimes you just need more care. Do what you need to do. You can feel better one day. I am saying this from experience. Have a beautiful rest of your day! 😍

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous I’m just scared because I just got out the hospital and I’m turning 18 in 4 days and I really don’t want to be with the adults. I don’t know how it will all work anymore. I’m too frightened to go back.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger I was in an intensive outpatient program (which was virtual) and there were younger people there. I am in my twenties. The therapist will be an adult and they will try to help you! I love being an adult and you can get wonderful advice from adults. Think about it: your parents are adults, your teachers are adults, your grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. are adults. If you don’t feel safe you should speak up and hopefully they can make accommodations for you so you can feel comfortable. I would say to you to do what you need to do. It may feel uncomfortable now, but you may feel much, much better in the near future. Maybe you can tell the crisis number how you feel. 🙂

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger By the way you can try to search for crisis numbers for your particular area, for example the county/state where you live (the county where I live has one) and I hope yours does, too. Maybe also if you are afraid to go to the adult program take a loved one or friend with you if you can. Don’t give up, there really is light at the end of the tunnel ❤️

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger If you need to go to the emergency room or call 911. Don’t feel ashamed, if you need it it’s okay 👍

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Thank you. I’m currently just trying to distract myself for the night until I can clear my head and get back to the mindset I was in not too long ago. Being hopeful and believing in myself. I probably won’t go to the hospital out of fear currently. But I do appreciate your feedback.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger Are you doing okay today? ❤️🙂

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous I’m doing a bit better. I’m still having a hard time not letting myself focus on my thoughts and anxiety. But thank you so much for your support.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@stranger Do you have a therapist? If not, maybe you should try to get one.

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous I’m currently working on getting one. But I’m scared that the therapist won’t specialize in OCD or they’ll think I don’t have it. That’s why I’ve wanted a therapist on this app but I can’t afford it. I’m still gonna get a therapist when it becomes available but I’m super scared.

Username: ladybug

Date posted: 5y ago

I hate ocd! Right now it is draining every piece of energy or happiness I have. I’ve been struggling for so long and feeling like the worst person ever forever. I’m falling into a depression, I’m hardly functioning, can’t sleep, can’t eat. Thoughts constantly in my head that maybe I don’t have ocd or that even if I do, it doesn’t matter. I want to live so badly for the people in my life that love me but in the past week from feeling this way I’ve lost over 10 pounds. I live in a really remote area and I feel like don’t have treatment options unless I move. It’s just so exhausting and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Username: Anastasia1

Date posted: 4y ago

I’m not suicidal and I don’t want to die, but I honestly feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I have every single theme of ocd and my life is a living hell. I can’t trust anyone in my life, not even family, I’m constantly paranoid and thinking they’re going to do something horrible. And then I feel like a horrible person for thinking that. I just need help.

"Pure" OCD

Username: Make the mos...

Date posted: 3y ago

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better, if I’m ever going to feel good, if I’m ever going to be able to carry on with this 10 years down the road. It’s torture with no exit, for me recently. Every time I bring up my OCD around family, they get annoyed. I can’t go to friends because it has only been of temporary relief. I am literally tearing up as I write this. I’m afraid I’m so close to convincing myself of the horrible lies my OCD has been telling me. I just can’t, I don’t know if there’s anyone or thing that can make me feel better. It’s been like lifting gigantic boulder up a steep mountain the entire day—and I could be crushed by it if not careful. If there is a god, why must he put me through this? I have already been through some many enough hard times in life, this OCD has only magnified any insecurities, anxieties, feeling of loneliness, self hate, and negative emotions.

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