rumination

Rumination is a tricky compulsion! I do it a lot too and it can be hard to catch for sure! I have found kind of a mindfulness approach to be helpful here. Practice noticing it and redirecting, even if you don't notice it right away. You won't be perfect but it's not all-or-nothing. Each time you stop yourself, wherever in the process you are, and redirect to a maybe maybe not type of response, the better you will get at noticing and redirecting. It takes time, but over time it gets better!

I am sorry that you're going through this. Rumination truly is a very difficult thing, the first step is recognizing that your doing it (so excellent work there) and the next is changing your response- think of it like this, the rumination serves a purpose for you, you likely engage in it to reduce your anxiety and distress, but it is just like a physical compulsion, it only serves to strengthen the obsession in OCD.https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-rumination-trap

I hear you, and I especially resonate with that feeling of the rumination being automatic, like the thoughts take hold and then you’re on a runaway train. Something that has helped me is to remember that the goal is not to make the thoughts/obsessions go away. It’s to respond differently to them. When we ruminate we are responding to the obsessive thoughts with effort. That might look like checking, reviewing, looking for evidence that the thoughts are true or not, trying to “figure out” something with certainty. It sounds simple but the only way out is to choose not to do those things, little by little. Not by pushing the thoughts away, but by accepting that they are there and not giving them more power by engaging with the content of them. Something that has helped me a ton with rumination are Non-Engagement Responses. Here’s an article with some examples of these and how to use them: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/how-do-i-stop-thinking-about-this-what-to-do-when-youre-stuck-playing-mental-ping-pong/ Every time you interrupt the rumination cycle with these non-engagement responses, you are responding differently to the thoughts. And in the long term, by practicing accepting uncertainty it should start to feel less automatic.