sometimes i ruminate without realizing i'm even ruminating until it's too late and the thoughts have already taken hold of me. how do i fix this? i feel like i have become my disorder. i'm so lost
Rumination is a tricky compulsion! I do it a lot too and it can be hard to catch for sure! I have found kind of a mindfulness approach to be helpful here. Practice noticing it and redirecting, even if you don't notice it right away. You won't be perfect but it's not all-or-nothing. Each time you stop yourself, wherever in the process you are, and redirect to a maybe maybe not type of response, the better you will get at noticing and redirecting. It takes time, but over time it gets better!
I am sorry that you're going through this. Rumination truly is a very difficult thing, the first step is recognizing that your doing it (so excellent work there) and the next is changing your response- think of it like this, the rumination serves a purpose for you, you likely engage in it to reduce your anxiety and distress, but it is just like a physical compulsion, it only serves to strengthen the obsession in OCD.https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-rumination-trap
Hi! I'm new to the community and wondering what rumination looks like in terms of OCD?
I hear you, and I especially resonate with that feeling of the rumination being automatic, like the thoughts take hold and then you’re on a runaway train. Something that has helped me is to remember that the goal is not to make the thoughts/obsessions go away. It’s to respond differently to them. When we ruminate we are responding to the obsessive thoughts with effort. That might look like checking, reviewing, looking for evidence that the thoughts are true or not, trying to “figure out” something with certainty. It sounds simple but the only way out is to choose not to do those things, little by little. Not by pushing the thoughts away, but by accepting that they are there and not giving them more power by engaging with the content of them. Something that has helped me a ton with rumination are Non-Engagement Responses. Here’s an article with some examples of these and how to use them: https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/how-do-i-stop-thinking-about-this-what-to-do-when-youre-stuck-playing-mental-ping-pong/ Every time you interrupt the rumination cycle with these non-engagement responses, you are responding differently to the thoughts. And in the long term, by practicing accepting uncertainty it should start to feel less automatic.
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
I ruminated too much this morning and got distressing mental images (and confirmation) which sent me spiraling again. How do I stop thinking about this and how do I get back to myself? I feel destroyed.
I've been doing well the past month in cutting down on compulsions and have been feeling better however, last night I had a set back that carried on into today. I had gotten very poor sleep (4ish hours) and then something triggered my memory. I think with the sudden anxiety spike and lack of sleep I didn't have the strength to ignore my compulsions. Last night and today I've realised I've gone back into rumination and mentally reviewing the event excessively again and comparing my situation to other people's, but most of the times that I start going down these rabbit holes I don't even realise I'm doing it? Also been fixating a bit on the fear that I've ruined my progress and that I will fall back into the deep end of it all again, that I have done so much work getting myself out of, although trying my best to not be too discouraged. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with rumination more specifically?
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