- Date posted
- 2y
How do I heal?
Recently I’ve discovered I have a lot more childhood trauma than I originally thought. I have a counselling session every Monday atm, and so far he’s uncovered some shit I didn’t even know I had. But now it’s all out I don’t know how to even begin healing from it. People keep saying you have to live with it before you can heal but I don’t get that. I can’t keep living like this. Everyday is a constant battle to be perfect, to be someone I feel comfortable being but I never get there. I think constantly everyday, I never stop. I’m exhausted, emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, I’m kinda lonely I won’t lie, I hate myself in the mirror half the time, I’ve literally lost a bunch of weight because I hated myself, didn’t do it very healthy either so that’s brilliant I’m back to who I was in high school, my life revolves around finding a guy? Why? Because I need to fill my life with someone who cares for me romantically otherwise I feel empty. I even now know why, because during my school life I never got the male teachers validation and I was constantly afraid of men. So what’s that done to me now you ask? I constantly need male validation to feel like a valuable member of society. Fantastic! As well as this I’m a 21 year old female who is extremely sexually frustrated but gets too attached to men because of that reason! So wtf am I meant to do? Because I keep crying when they say they don’t want anything with me, even though I respect them for that decision, because I’m scared of people leaving my life! Why’s that you ask? Because this year I’ve lost everyone important to me and people keep wanting to leave. Do now I’m stuck thinking if they don’t want me, then they’ll leave. I can’t have this. I feel out of control and I don’t know what to do. I want to heal, I want to feel fine. But I’m not sure how