- Date posted
- 2y
Memory Hoarding?
Does anyone else experience memory hoarding OCD? I feel like I’m the only one.
Does anyone else experience memory hoarding OCD? I feel like I’m the only one.
Yes.
@Meg Johnson What is it like for you?
I fact hoard but I have mild autism so maybe there is no link to OCD.
@Newb82 Ah okay. I write down a lot of random stuff (facts / things people say / jokes etc) but mainly because I’m scared I’ll never have the thought again / won’t remember it otherwise. What compels you to fact hoard?
I have. I would replay a specific memory in my head time after time until it felt “right” and I could stop
@Bailey101 That sounds really exhausting. My kind of memory hoarding is quite different. Rather than actually fixating on memories, I believe my brain blocks them out. So for me it’s more that I am distressed by the desire to have all my memories accessible at once, if that makes sense?
Yes I do to prove to my false memories that they r indeed false
@InkJoy123 Ok ok I get you. I don’t believe I suffer with false memories but I’m not sure - can you tell me more about your experience with it? I often feel like a lot of my childhood is planted memories because I can’t remember most of it first hand. Makes me feel very disconnected / disassociated from some family members.
@scarlz123 So when I started having my real events and feeling guilty over them, I started to question if I have more real events I don't remember much about. My mind started to create these scenarios, some not as intense as others, and some seeming so believable and possible that they feel real. I have no way of knowing if its real or not or if I'm in denial. So when these come up, I try my best to remember or write down my actual ones cause I believe if I did do what my false memories are showing me, I would have known from the beginning. This is when I started to hoard memories and thoughts for proof/comparing. I do not want to forget those and even now I'm afraid I have forgotten some. Alot of the memories I started to hoard or remember have started to be questioned as well which changed how they are so I don't remember how they were initially. I don't remember what my real events are really, if all I have written down is or if I'm forgetting. I don't know if memory hoarding is making it worse creating memories (most likely) or again I'm in denial. Hope I explained it well 🫂💕
I do the same
I’ve done research on “false memory OCD” but it doesn’t seem to fit me. In short, I have convinced myself over 3 years that my memory doesn’t work anymore and so if I don’t document / write everything down I will forget it and become a shell of a person essentially. This terrifies me especially with my loved ones because I am so sentimental and I often feel disassociated from them because of this. I avoid memory hoarding through excessive journalling (which I used to do) because I know I’m just feeding the OCD but I am constantly facing debilitating distress and I literally feel sick when I can’t recall a memory. No one I know irl seems to understand it. Could go on for hours but that’s the crux of it all… if anyone relates!
Not necessarily asking for reassurance and I know I’ve mentioned this here before but my OCD has been affecting my cognition seemingly. I’ll forget small things or put things in odd places sometimes, or mix up words - things like that. Obviously this triggers me to be like “Alzheimers/dementia.” Can anyone relate? And if you recovered what did you do for it?
I can't figure out what type of OCD I have. I must be the only one who has mental hoarding OCD with some Just right and death themes. I've never seen a description of someone's symptoms that match mine. Mine are a combination of Just right and mental hoarding of a memory. Like if I have dinner, I need to do a routine where I take in various elements on the environment - the food, my phone, the people around, pets, the coolness of the air con, and think of them in a specific syntax. I need to go through this thinking cycle without also thinking about certain people, deceased people, any themes of death, certain colours (red and black mostly) and then when I get to the end I deliberately have to think about something that is anti-death, like a particularly person who is younger, a certain good colour. But there are other conditions to prevent having to re-do the routine. The phone can't give me a notification or ring. Then I have to touch the phone and think of a supporting person or colour. On top of this, if I go to Youtube, Facebook or anywhere else and I see something related to death first I have to re-do the whole routine. I have a pre-thought that protects me if I do see something in the theme of death. Touching a cat tail will re-trigger the routine and so will touching a certain matt or matts in my house without first say '1,2,3,4'. I do these mental hoarding routines every time I eat, every time I leave the house, every time I leave work, before I go to sleep. The other element of this is protecting loved ones and pets. In some of my routines, around food, leaving the house and going to bed, I have to mentally think of everyone in the house and all of my pets in the same way as above. I dont even know if it is OCD. It's mostly mental compulsions. I don't get anxiety, just discomfort. As exotic as my symptoms seem to be, I don't think my OCD is as bad as it is for others. it's a bit Just right and thats it. My symptoms do not fit any of the categories.
Are intrusive memories a thing? Because I have memories pop up throughout the day, usually regrets or mistakes from when I was younger, but it's almost uncontrollable? It sort of feels like I'm testing myself to see if the memories still make me anxious or something. I can't tell if I'm willingly thinking of them or if they just invite themselves in. They're just always at the front of my thoughts unless I'm really engaged with something else or out and about with other people... I'm trying to treat them like I do with intrusive thoughts, but occasionally, it's like I can't resist NOT ruminating on these past events. I try not to, but then that only makes them more persistent. I'm just curious if anyone's dealt with this or possibly has advice? I'm guessing I'll just have to sit with it. I don't think I've asked about this before, but I might be wrong lol. I forget easily 😭 I'll probably speak with my psychiatrist about this, too, but our next appointment isn't until August. She's not an OCD specialist or haver, so I thought I'd ask here, just in case anyone can help! 🤍
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