Username: 12345678910

Date posted: 1y ago

depersonalization and fear of going crazy

hi! I really need someone to help out right now. I would appreciate it so much. Thanks:) I know this is kind of long, but please help me out and read it. please help confirm for me that the symptoms im experiencing are just extreme existential OCD, depersonalization, and anxiety. it would make me feel a lot better. 7-8 months ago a traumatic event led me to experience severe depersonalization. ive had OCD for as long as i can remember basically, but it’s become a lot worse from this. i am a very big overthinker, so i tend to over analyze a lot of the things going on around me, my perception of everything, my thoughts, etc. it’s gotten so bad because of the depersonalization that i at times really can’t function anymore. one day, all i’ll be able to think about is the irrational fear that i somehow am going to die and there’s something terribly wrong with my brain, like cancer or something. then the next, i’ll be freaking out, worrying that im gonna go crazy. like this is some kind of early onset schizophrenia. i start doing research and i start obsessing over each and every thought i have, everything i see, etc. then i’ll be paranoid about my family, worrying that none of them are real and they’re imposters or something. i know it’s irrational. i recognize that and don’t genuinely believe it. but the fact that this thought worries me concerns me even more because it leads me to believe im going crazy. i am having existential crises regularly. like, all the time. it’s actually ridiculous. i’ll be reading a book and i start contemplating the English language and how it came to be, and then language altogether, and then how humans were able to create and understand language, and then how they were able to sound it out, how sound exists altogether, and so on. lol. like what the hell? a few days ago i was looking out of my bedroom window, and all the sudden had the intrusive thought come into my head, “what if this is just a simulation and what you see outside of your window is merely a two dimensional image?” and then i almost had a full on panic attack. anyways, those are some examples. i’m so worried. i feel like i have no control over what freaks me out anymore. i feel like i have no control of my brain altogether. i don’t want to go crazy. i don’t want to feel like im stuck in a dream anymore. im so scared. somebody please help me. i live my life in fear, worrying about everything i perceive. im exhausted. i can’t tell anyone because i don’t want them to worry, or think that im going crazy. that’ll only reinforce my fears.

Username: user_24772678user_24772678

Date posted: 1y ago

You are perfectly real and safe, our brains can just convince us of weird things sometimes

Username: Nisha09Nisha09

Date posted: 1y ago

wow this is actually wild, I'm literally going through this exact same thing right now for like a month. all the thoughts you've mentioned I've had kind of on a loop, they cycle between each other. It feels like i'm living in some weird dream this past month and I can't tell if its depersonalization/realization or if the existential ocd is so bad that i can't differentiate between the two. or maybe it is a mix of both. It's been really rough /: sending you love though, it does help to know we're not alone.

Username: user_24772678user_24772678

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nisha09 Sending love as well, it will be alright <3

Username: 1234567891012345678910

Date posted: 1y ago

@Nisha09 It’s really comforting to know that I’m not the only one. Im sorry you’re going through this too. We’ll get through it. It’s a really weird thing. Im not sure what it stems from really. I think it’s like our brains are trying to detach from stress, and for certain personalities, especially those with OCD or high levels of anxiety, depersonalization/derealization can happen. I’ve been doing a lot of research on it lately. I’ve learned that it’s best if I don’t think about it or obsess over it and try to be as in the moment as possible so that I can work on getting better. It’s been somewhat manageable the past few months. Still really hard though. We’ll get through it:)

Username: user_24772678user_24772678

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi, this exact thing happened to me from July to September this year, and it was HARD. What’s weird is that it just started one day, not caused by trauma or anything. I couldn’t even enjoy a class camp I went on cos I was constantly thinking “these people around me aren’t real” and I felt like I was in some sort of dream. EVERYTHING felt fake and what made me super anxious was the fact that I couldn’t confirm whether or not I was in a dream or I was making this all up in my head. I constantly researched abt anxiety and depression and existential crisis and at one point even thought I was schizophrenic. But of course I wasn’t I was just extremely anxious. I might not be of any help since I don’t really know how I got out of that mindset. It just went away at some point. But hopefully this can help u relate to someone and realise that it will not be this way forever even tho it feels that way.

Username: 1234567891012345678910

Date posted: 1y ago

@user_24772678 OH MY GOD I love you thank you. You have no idea how reassuring this was. I’m hoping it’ll go away for me too. I’m sorry you had to go through the same thing. This made me feel so much better though, seriously. Thank you so much

Username: user_24772678user_24772678

Date posted: 1y ago

@12345678910 ALL GOOD and never lose hope🤍

Username: Nisha09Nisha09

Date posted: 1y ago

thank you for this as well - It's crazy because I'm going through the same thing and I also felt like it came out of nowhere for me. I was maybe a little more stressed than usual before but no traumatic event or anything!

Username: lilyyhootlilyyhoot

Date posted: 1y ago

ARE WE THE SAME PERSON. thank u for sharing this. u are not alone. i feel crazy sometimes but j had a great talk w my counselor abt it being ocd. ur ok i promise(: my counselor suggested getting an ocd-specific counselor, either taking meds (i don’t wanna be a zombie + will honestly hate myself for it bc i’ll take it as giving up and being a pu**y and not being able to handle my brain) or there’s this new brain training thing called neurofeedback (some insurances cover it and she swears by it). my other consideration is taking shrooms in a therapeutic manner to try and rid myself of thought patterns/change perspective. i promise u u r not alone i know it’s exhausting and most ppl don’t understand. every day is a challenge. but it CAN and WILL get better. also U r NOT ur ocd(:

Username: 1234567891012345678910

Date posted: 1y ago

@lilyyhoot Thank you for the encouragement! I will look into neurofeedback too. Also, remember to be really careful if you’re gonna try shrooms! Have someone you trust there to watch over you.

Username: Val HVal H

Date posted: 1y ago

I am go through very similar obsessions. I often have thoughts I am going crazy, that the world around me is not real & questioning everything. My OCD specialized therapist has changed my life. I would avoid anything about simulation theory, movies such as the matrix etc… & would ruminate for days on end. With erp therapy, mindfulness practices, exercise & a strong will I am fighting back & can see real change. It’s still there but most days the beast of OCD is quieting down. I just finished watching the Matrix & continue to push on. I would recommend finding a therapist that specializes in OCD (if that is accessible to you). I do Telehealth & it’s great. Also the book the Happiness Trap might help too. Good Luck & keep strong. I wish there was an answer to why certain humans such as us go through this but it always help to know you are not alone.

Username: 1234567891012345678910

Date posted: 1y ago

@Val H Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. I’m glad that you were able to fight it off. Hope I can too:)

Username: user_24772678user_24772678

Date posted: 1y ago

As for what these symptoms might mean, I would assume ocd and depersonalisation. But I’m not professional whatsoever so please reach out for professional help if needed

Username: sydneylhillsydneylhill

Date posted: 1y ago

I go through this too. Have you ever thought about doing exposure work on your existential OCD?

Username: 1234567891012345678910

Date posted: 1y ago

@sydneylhill I definitely have. Im just not really sure where to start. I’ve tried it myself at certain times but I’ve always ended up extremely anxious and the depersonalization was worse than ever before. Im not really sure like the kind of intensity of exposure im supposed to expose myself to at the beginning. Maybe I went a little to fast with it.

Username: 1234567891012345678910

Date posted: 1y ago

@sydneylhill Also, im sorry you’re going through this. It’ll get better for us

Username: sydneylhillsydneylhill

Date posted: 1y ago

@12345678910 Yeah maybe. I guess you could maybe start small and work your way up to the bigger anxieties

Username: sydneylhillsydneylhill

Date posted: 1y ago

@12345678910 Thank you 🙏 I hope so

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I am feeling the same way! It makes me feel not like myself and makes me have this terrible gut feeling I just want to be normal again

Username: leoleoleoleoleoleo

Date posted: 1y ago

i think this has happening to me. i have gone through a 6 month period of transition and adjustment and it was the type of high stress that i had no clue i had to be prepared for. at the beginning of january 2022 i started having intrusive thoughts about harm and i could get no rest except in sleep. i would wake up and my thoughts would be there just waiting to ruin me. i stayed away from objects to make sure that my thoughts wouldn't manifest. i spent months like that and one day i woke up in a thick fog, everything looked and felt hazy and i felt like a stranger to myself. i went on dates with my partner and i could barely see her because my brain was so on fire. i felt separated from myself and the very life i had built. sat in a corner in my apartment and cried because i no longer felt at home there.

Username: Cozy_dragon

Date posted: 2y ago

Ocd about being alive

At this point I’m pretty sure I’m psychotic. I have intrusive thoughts all day long of me doing a bunch of things that I never and will never do. Images of me poking out my own eyes in all sorts of other horrific things that will have to do with self mutilation. These images have been haunting me for two years with the persisting fear that I will act out on these things one day despite me never wanting to do so. Now on top of these thoughts I am dealing with something else. I keep thinking about the fact that there’s no escape from life other than death and it makes me feel scared and trapped. I can’t stop thinking about this that there’s no escape. It’s scaring me. I want to live I have no desire to die but once I get the intrusive thought about not being able to escape this life is scaring me. I believe I’m going through depersonalization because nothing feels right my surroundings feel unfamiliar I feel unfamiliar. I feel like an alien in a place that seems unknown to me. This all started after I had a panic attack in the shower three weeks ago over my intrusive harm thoughts and in the moment I actually thought that my life was over and that I was about to act out on it but of course I didn’t because it’s just a thought and an obsessive fear. Something I would never do but it felt so real in that momentI almost passed out from the fear. The day after that I felt like nothing was real and I’m still in depersonalization and having panic attacks on the regular but today I got that thought about not being able to escape life and how we’re basically all trapped here. I can’t stop thinking it and it’s making me feel sick. Maybe if I Felt more connected to myself and my surroundings stuff like this wouldn’t bother me but that panic attack destroyed me. Does this sound like OCD or something else?I was completely normal and fine three weeks ago yes I had my intrusive thoughts but they weren’t scaring me or controlling me like they are now.

Harm OCD

Username: maryel04

Date posted: 1y ago

Obsessing over reality

I have been going through a really hard time lately in regard to my existential ocd. Not only that but my health anxiety has been horrible. What I wanted to bring up to see if a conversation could be had was my derealization. I have been having severe random bouts of derealization that are genuinely starting to feel debilitating. The best way I can describe it is I get sick to my stomach when I think about life, being alive, I convince myself im in a dream, that im stuck in a time loop and nothing around me is real and that ive been making up my entire life. With this also comes the intense feeling that everything has already happened before, its like deja vu but almost worse. I will be in moments lately and every single thing feels like it already happened, then that spirals into me believing nothing is real and im stuck in some kind of dream. Everything feels familiar, everything had already happened, sometimes stuff feels so familiar it genuinely will make me start to throw up because im so scared. Can someone please have a discussion with me and just let me know if theyve felt this way, what I should do, and if itll ever get better? Im genuinely convinced life will feel this way forever and im never going to be okay with being alive again and it genuinely makes me feel insane and so terrified. Thank you.

Username: enoughocd

Date posted: 40w ago

Existential ocd /harm ocd

Hi all , please comment if you’re experiencing what I’m about to share . I am going through a very tough time with existential fears & very frightening thoughts to a point where the thought of myself sends me into a spiral. I ask myself “am I even existing right now as I’m typing this” “ how do I know that I’m not already dead or in a purgatory “how do I confirm that I even exist” what if I’ve already died and this is what death feels like “ nothing & no one around me feels real , I look at my kids & my husband & question their existence. I’ve also been suffering from severe depersonalisation/derealisation & I don’t know which one is triggering the other ! I also suffer from harm ocd where I’m forever worrying that I might lose control & harm my family whom I love to bits & I’m always battling the nightmare inside me that makes me believe that I’ve already hurt them but I just don’t know it … I’m on lexapro & have been for two years but I find that all it does is numb my emotions, I can’t cry & at times worry that if sharpens to someone I love , I may not be able to cry or show emotions . I am convinced that I’ve developed schizophrenia 🥲🥲 which has always been my worst fear! Or that I’ve gone psychotic without realising . I cannot see myself out of this hole & my brain had forgotten what being a normal person once felt like 🥲🥲. I was seeing a psychologist and he did ERP with me but sadly that did Not help so I stopped seeing him altogether & lost faith in therapy altogether ! Sorry this is a very long post but I just want to know that someone out there is experiencing the same symptoms and has gotten over it through ERP or other medication ? Because I feel like I’m the only one suffering from this debilitating illness and there’s no way out!

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