3 weeks postpartum

Okay so I’ve asked a similar question before but either way. I just had a baby. I love him more than life itself, at first I was really struggling with baby blues I was nervous it’d become full blown postpartum depression but that side has seemed to ease up at least a little and now it’s just my ocd that’s still really spiked up and making me depressed instead. I feel like everything triggers me. I spend all day ruminating. The mornings are the worst I seem to feel better towards the end of the day and idk why but at least that gives me some relief. But I’m wondering what do you guys do to help yourselves throughout the day? How do you start your day to try and make sure you have a good one? Whether you have children or not just what are things you do/have been taught in therapy to do to help you cope and make things better for yourselves? Cause I am struggling. I keep having ocd dreams and then wake up already feeling guilty and gross. I have intrusive thoughts all day long and spend all day trying to “think them through” so I feel better about them and why they aren’t true. The worst part is I am super anxious and feel completely unable to be intimate with my husband because of ocd. Like I feel like it makes it impossible. The baby sleeps in our room and of course no one is wanting to do anything in front of the baby and my husband is like of course I’m not wanting to do anything in front of him. He can’t see or comprehend anything and of course if he started crying we’d stop. But I’ve told him it just makes me too uncomfortable at all like I know that if we did anything and he started making noise or anything we’d stop but. At this point even if he’s in another room in the house I can’t do anything or like he’s in the floor in another kind of bassinet in the living room and my husband wants to make out with me and shit and I feel so guilty the whole time cause even to know he’s just three weeks old he comprehends nothing my ocd the whole time is just like he’s right there or just constantly gives me thoughts about him like “you have a son or a kid how can you ever be sexually aroused if you have knowledge of this how can you ever be sexually aroused cause I think of the thing that’s making me aroused and then again it’s like “you have a kid” or “you have a kid with this person they resemble the kid so how can you be attracted to them?” And I’m just so so upset cause I want to do stuff with my husband. And also I feel super guilty if I get any thought that my husband is sexy or hot and I want to do stuff with him while I’m holding my child like I’m not like trying to have any kind of fantasy or something but the thought comes across like hey my husbands hot like I want to do stuff with him and if I’m holding my kid I feel overwhelming guilt and feel so gross.

LucyA

Date posted: 2y

I’m sorry you’re going through this but think of it like this - no matter what ur anxiety/ocd tells u, u love your baby. And therefore you won’t let yourself hurt him. You might not believe yourself but you won’t. You’re a mom with a new baby which comes with a lot of stress- go easy on yourself. It’ll be ok. Xx

3xDisorders

Date posted: 25w

Trying but struggling

First post... I ruminate all the time, getting triggered by the smallest things that remind me of terrible events in my life or fears tied to my compulsions. It could be as small as a lawyer looking at my LinkedIn profile and me convincing myself that means I'm getting sued. Or even an article about taxes that makes me spiral into thinking I'm negligent. I could be fine one minute & wonder if I'm making it all up and then cry for two hours the next, cursing people who are neurotypical and wishing I could be like them. I tried talk therapy for two years and now I'm doing NOCD + ERP because I'm pregnant and had to reduce my dose of medication. Pregnancy almost made my OCD mental compulsions worse, and I got diagnosised with MDD, too. Not to mention the skin picking disorder I've had since childhood. It's becoming really hard to be positive despite a daily gratitude journal, walking 5k steps a day, and doing calming yoga with the occasional meditation when things get really bad. I'm trying, I really am. But having three diagnosed disorders makes me feel like I'm set up to fail despite having a wonderful husband and life, plus my coming first baby. It makes me feel like a horrible person when everything around me is seemingly fine but I can't seem to focus enough on the present to appreciate it. I feel so lost about it all and am plagued by guilt and shame. Does anyone else relate?

Bradinrichard2

Date posted: 21w

Pocd

I’ve always had ocd. But never experienced pocd until after I got pregnant and was fixing to deliver. Anyone else? I’ve been struggling with this for almost 2 years 😩 and Prozac gives me heart palpitations I’m at my breaking point. Idk who I am anymore. And it’s so hard having to be a mother of two on top of not wanting to do anything bc my brain tells me everything I’m doing is inappropriate ☹️

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

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