Cheating/ False Memory OCD

Hello my name is Hanna and this is my first post on this app. My friends, family , and boyfriend know I struggle with OCD. They are supportive and try to help me in anyway they can, but they don't understand it like an OCD suffer would. I am making this post to help anyone who is dealing with the same thing or someone who can help me. I have been having cheating OCD where I feel like I cheated on my boyfriend. For example; The OCD intrusive thought that has been on my mind for the past week is that i kissed someone. I went to the bar with my friends, but i didn't drink because I knew it would make my OCD worse. Anyway my friend and I were outside and asking people if they had a lighter for a cigarette. This guy was walking into the bar and started talking to us in a friendly way. I found him attractive ( which probably triggered my OCD). But then my friend and I went back inside of the bar to find our others friends to leave. I was holding my friends hand and walking through the bar crowd to leave when I made eye contact with the guy from outside. My OCD immediately made me think I kissed the guy. I love my boyfriend and I would never do that, but I cannot get this thought out of my head. Then this turns into false memory and I keep trying to replay the night in my head. It makes me feel like I kissed him even though I know I didn't. It is causing me extreme guilt, and I even feel guilty talking to my boyfriend. Every-time I try to tell myself it's just OCD my brain makes me think i'm blaming this on OCD and I actually did it. I even had my friend retell the events of that night, and she told some of the events out of order and I knew the correct order of the events. How can I know what events happened, but I can't trust myself. Anytime I try and forget this and get over it my brain will not let me. I need help. It's so frustrating and debilitating that I can't even trust myself.

suzy8172snow

Date posted: 2y

Hi Hanna- thank you for sharing your struggles with OCD. That sounds really difficult. OCD tends to attack what we really care about- what is important to us. I personally struggle with relationship OCD, and it’s tough. These intrusive thoughts can be so convincing and debilitating. It consumes everything, it feels. Something that helps me that I recommend for you is meditation. Go to YouTube, and search up: “Guided Meditation to release stress, anxiety and obsessive thoughts,” with Yeshe Rabgye. Meditation is a great tool. All in all, OCD isn’t something that has to impact us forever. It doesn’t have to be a constant struggle. There is always hope, and there are so many awesome resources and people out there who are willing to help. It will be okay! I hope this helps.

hanna😋

Date posted: 2y

Thank you so much. It really helps to have a community of people who understand your pain and suffering that OCD can cause.

suzy8172snow

Date posted: 2y

You’re very welcome! And I agree, it’s great to have people to chat to who share similar experiences.

bubbes

Date posted: 2y

I can totally relate it happened with me 3 months ago and I still suffer from it

Canes12345!

Date posted: 24w

My life with ocd

I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 22w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

.Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

ROCD/False Memory

I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?

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Cheating/ False Memory OCD

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