Terrified

I spend a lot of time on my phone to distract my self as much as possible from intrusive thoughts. I had a thought like I need to do the dishes now or your boyfriend will do I decided to ignore it. Eventually as time passed I felt like if been on my phone ages so was like I need to get off my phone and just go do them. Then got the most horrific intrusive thought ever. Baring in mind past few days been getting horrific intrusive thoughts which has in term made me hyper focus on everything I do to be good bc I had a really bad thought what if my brain told me to do something bad and I did it. So I have been rumination a lot and focusing on my very move to make sure am been good! Then my stupid brain said if you don’t turn out to be a bad person your boyfriend will die. Absolute terror as both are bad and I don’t want anything bad to happen I don’t wanna do anything bad. I feel anxious and petrified and I hate my brain. Please tell me this is just my ocd trying to trick me. I’ve had similar in the past where my intrusive thought said what if the only way to stop getting intrusive thoughts is to act on them. This sent me into sheer panick and rumination as for me these are the worse kind on intrusive thoughts and I can’t help but fight them bc I hate them so much