Username: nandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

“OCD is a privilege”???

got into it with my mother last night because i’m young and “behind” in life (i.e., planned to graduate college two years ago but i developed OCD and it dragged me across the pavement). she told me that i need to “just stop f*cking overthinking and get my sh*t together,” because “it’s a privilege to have the time to sit around and wallow in self-loathing.” she said if i were in poverty i wouldn’t have that luxury, and i would “just let it go and move on” because i “wouldn’t have a choice.” luxury of what? being so paralyzed by crippling fear every day that i can’t remember what it’s like to live a normal life, because it’s been three years since i’ve had almost everything i love ripped away by this god awful disorder? please tell me i’m not crazy… i’m only two years “behind”… it just stabbed me so hard hearing her say that all i do is sit around and ruminate, that i need to “just move on,” as if that hadn’t occurred to me. i have tried to explain that 70% of my energy goes purely towards trying to STOP ruminating. i said if i loathed myself i wouldn’t get up every day with such boundless hope that some might call it insane, and make myself nice meals even though i don’t think i deserve them because i “already wasted a bunch of time yesterday,” and confront the mirror every time i enter the bathroom even though it makes my limbs cold, because i believe in a future where i love my body even though i’ve never experienced that a day in my life. it is not my fault that watching my favorite cartoons fills me with fear that makes my chest so tight i can barely breathe. i have never given up, and will never give up, and i continue to smile even though something broken inside me that i *can’t control* makes me so scared to be alive that most days, i lose my memories and forget who i am for at least a couple hours. sometimes it lasts for weeks or even months. all the while i’m just trying to graduate. yep, what a privilege.

Username: zragonzragon

Date posted: 1y ago

I get this. I'm 32 and still behind because at the end of the day my OCD gets in the way halfway through anything. I feel like I'm not making progress because college takes too long, and wind up switching majors or dropping out. I didn't know I had developed OCD until recently. Even my supervisors think I just give up easy and get lazy periodically when the reality is my brain is screaming to just quit and walk away because I'm not the #1 performer. The struggle with your mother is that people have a weird idea of what OCD is. They don't understand that your brain is putting up roadblocks to stop you. You should make sure you school is aware of your OCD since you have memory issues, btw. They can help you through things and work out a good pace for you as well as give you financial assistance.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon gah i feel that. i have walked away from so much because i couldn’t bring myself to turn in imperfection. i have told her so many times to please for the love of god do some research and she says she doesn’t think google is going to present her a list of “sophia’s compulsions,” and it’s “not her job to be the mental health expert i’m looking for.” it’s sooooo patronizing it burns. she did agree this time to research for at least 30 minutes so let’s have hope. my school is frankly an awful awful institution. i have abusive dad who prevents me from receiving any financial aid. we don’t speak, but i don’t qualify for aid because of his income. i’ve tried hard to get aid and they flat out told me to graduate somewhere else. this was an ivy league school. i left that shiny degree behind because that place broke my brain so much worse that i didn’t turn in a single paper all semester. it’s embarrassing, the ways i’ve failed. all i had to do was write the paper, so it seems.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon thank you for your advice and kindness though, it is helpful. i have a habit of only responding to the parts of advice that i have pushback for and not the 90% of it that is applicable to me.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo If he’s abusive and you aren’t in contact why have you had to disclose his income on the form? Surely if you have no ties with him he shouldn’t even be on there.

Username: zragonzragon

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo If it helps, once you turn 24 they can't consider his income anymore. It might take time, but eventually you do get freed from them. I also struggled with my parents not wanting to financially support me but also making too much for me to get aid. It drove me right into the military to escape. Just keep doing things your way and eventually things will work out.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@thrutheweather the required financial aid form requires both parents on it unless you have no contact with the other parent. i have to contact him sometimes because my little sister lives with him and he has shut down all communication between her and i, and now and then i need things from him (ex., he still has my birth certificate). i’m not very old and i cut ties recently. financial aid office said my situation wasn’t “severe enough” to warrant not needing his information. it’s bullshit

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon god damn 🥲 that’s actually the most hopeful thing i’ve heard all week. it sounds like you came out of that mess ok, which makes me really happy. was it helpful to go to the military? did you get school paid for that way or did you just wait until you were older to go back?

Username: zragonzragon

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo You can request a copy of your own birth certificate at 18. No one can stop you! Also you can petition for child support from him if he doesn't live with you, even getting back pay if he wasn't paying your mother. You do what you need to so to be successful.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon omg. i did not know that. holy shit. i’m 21, i don’t think i can get anything from him. he used to pay my mom child support but the money all went to pay for her court fees because he sued her into bankruptcy trying to take my sister from her permanently.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

Your mum shouldn’t behave like this but as someone who frequently goes through stages of feeling behind. There is literally no behind to fall into. Everyone’s life moves at different places and within those we all do and achieve different things. You can still graduate.. hell you might have a better experience this time round.. might change your course. Might get a better overall grade than if you did it the first time. I mean there is some self loathing going on but you have OCD and it’s debilitating so self loathe all you want but the advice I’ve been given too is that sometimes we get comfortable there. We only know the shame, guilt, self pity and regret so we grow comfortable there and when we push ourselves or simply do what we are capable of it takes a while to adjust. It IS uncomfortable. It IS exhausting. There will be peaks and troughs in your recovery but we have to start it and finish it or stick by what we’ve learned and apply it Everytime we have a little blip. —- your mum sounds a little like some of my family members and it also comes from a place of loathing. They don’t like seeing us the way we are as it upsets them or they pity us (which I absolutely hate but it’s true) but don’t know how to convey it and most of the time they don’t understand how debilitating it is. Don’t dwell on what your mum has said and if you do address her do it with facts and not personal emotions (they love to act like it’s just us or we’re over exaggerating). Send her articles to read. Studies of OCD’s effects but ultimately toss it by the wayside and focus on your recovery. I hope things get better for you and you graduate!

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

@thrutheweather Different paces***

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@thrutheweather you are so kind, thank you truly. you make a great point. i am getting to a place now where i am starting to do things right again, and you’re right, it’s terrifying. i am scared to jump back into my life. it’s completely uncomfortable and exhausting. when i do something successfully, i am unable to stop looking for evidence that there’s more to the story. i try to put it down harder than my mom would ever have to. then when i try to explain that it’s not so simple, she tells me to stop repeating myself.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo When she acts like that stop engaging and remove yourself from the situation.

Username: ocdhaver22ocdhaver22

Date posted: 1y ago

i’m there as well and it sucks so much there is no privilege at all in this and i genuinely do not wish this disorder on anyone at all.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdhaver22 dude for real… i’d say not on my worst enemy but he has it too lmao

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdhaver22 also ur username is gr8 haha

Username: ocdhaver22ocdhaver22

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo i’m screaming lol i sometimes forget that this is not a rare disorder lol. thank you so so much i thought of it in the mist of having a very bad episode lol

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdhaver22 bahahaha well you didn’t lose your creativity in the wormhole. the person in question is my father, that’s why we both have it. people sure treat it like it’s rare i stg!!!! i tried to get disability accommodations at school and people act like i have some kind of bizarre affliction from another planet… as if it isn’t one of the most commonly mocked disorders in pop culture

Username: ocdhaver22ocdhaver22

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo omggggggg the way so many ppl mock it or know literally nothing about it i hate it. is OCD genetic?

Username: you.are.enough

Date posted: 3y ago

When I look at pictures of myself, I see a young woman who deserves a fulfilling life that is not dictated by OCD and anxiety. I feel sad that so much of my time, my energy, and my choices have been consumed by OCD. I spend so much time in my head, ruminating and worrying and trying so damn hard to figure out that one thing that my OCD urgently presses me to solve. Sometimes I don't enjoy things that I want to because I'm overwhelmed with my compulsions. I've struggled with this for years, and lately OCD has been telling me that the struggle will never end--that I'll never feel in control of my life. I know that this isn't true, but I'm so scared that it could be. My faith doesn't feel bigger than my fear right now. How do I change that? I don't want to live like this anymore. As I'm writing this, my OCD is telling me that I'm incapable of recovery, but I know I can recover. I deserve to recover. I'm in therapy with an OCD specialist outside of this app and I'm going to increase the frequency of my sessions from once a month to once a week because I deserve an amazing, fulfilling life. And to whoever is reading this, you do, too.

Relationship OCD

Username: SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 1y ago

Just a sad rant ☹️

I miss my life before ocd. When I would never wake up in a cycle of overthinking and worry and the moment I open my eyes till the moment I sleep, it’s non stop intrusive and unwanted thoughts. It scares me, I don’t want to live my life like this forever. I cry so much, as I’m sure most of you would relate. My heart just feels heavy, that’s the best description I can give, I feel like I’m just existing not actually LIVING. (Not an existential theme) I feel like I just bring everyone down around me, my mental illness has an affect on those around me and though I can’t help I am mentally ill, it takes a toll on me when I KNOW I’m hurting others when they see me so sad all the time, including my daughter… I’ve been dealing with this for somewhere between 1-2 years, which doesn’t seem like a long time but when your life is this constant never ending doubt every single day sometimes all day long, it feels like forever… I just want to be HAPPY. Is that too much to ask for? To just feel genuine happiness and not have these obsessive ego dystonic thoughts 24/7, or at all… I try and keep my head above water and just keep swimming, I wish I could see an ocd therapist but im sorry even with NOCD, it’s TOO EXPENSIVE. I live in Australia so don’t have access to Medicare through NOCD therapy… what options do I have. I’m at a low point, trying to function every day and distract myself from my head by cleaning, looking after my daughter and dog, doing little activities to occupy my time. But there’s only so much distracting you can do I guess.

Username: batswithbootson

Date posted: 50w ago

OCD & misunderstandings

I've been told before that I have a "victim mentality" due to the OCD. I disagree with that statement and here is why: • I still fight through my anxiety every single day. I fight OCD like my life depends on it. I do things & have learned how to function even though I'm in public or socializing & all I wanna do is go home & scream. But I can't do that. I have to fight to be healthy, as all of us do. • When I have TRULY been panicking or grieving (my dad passed almost 8 years ago, & it's been very hard for me to "get over"), I'm told I'm "living in the past". But...you don't just "get over" a loss like that. You don't. You just learn how to live around it. • I have placed myself in some bad situations because of my lack of self-love/self respect and THAT is my fault. What isn't my fault is how another person treats me. That is on them. Not on me. My responsibility is only how I choose to respond. But, in essence, I have been told numerous times that I have a "victim mentality" and I'm confused as to what people mean when they say that. Yes, I have put MYSELF through the ringer; but what the other person did to me was THEIR action. I didn't cause them to do what they did. • I live in poverty (as most of us do, especially in this economy) & everyone thinks everything is so simple. "Oh, just go trade your car in for something better!" "Oh, just pay off $2k for a government grant to go to college, then you can go!" No. That includes money I don't have. I don't HAVE $2k laying around to go and do whatever with. (I should have listened & saved my money when I turned 18, and that part IS my fault, but I digress). Has anyone else ever experienced shame or guilt related to their OCD & how, sometimes, it's hard to function? Or just be a typical "adult". Because we're not typical. It doesn't make us bad, or bad people, because we aren't. But as I'm growing older I'm finding that more and more often this world & the way it's run just isn't built for people with mental illnesses or OCD.

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