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Username: nandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

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Is struggling with OCD a privilege or a burden?

“OCD is a privilege”???

got into it with my mother last night because i’m young and “behind” in life (i.e., planned to graduate college two years ago but i developed OCD and it dragged me across the pavement). she told me that i need to “just stop f*cking overthinking and get my sh*t together,” because “it’s a privilege to have the time to sit around and wallow in self-loathing.” she said if i were in poverty i wouldn’t have that luxury, and i would “just let it go and move on” because i “wouldn’t have a choice.” luxury of what? being so paralyzed by crippling fear every day that i can’t remember what it’s like to live a normal life, because it’s been three years since i’ve had almost everything i love ripped away by this god awful disorder? please tell me i’m not crazy… i’m only two years “behind”… it just stabbed me so hard hearing her say that all i do is sit around and ruminate, that i need to “just move on,” as if that hadn’t occurred to me. i have tried to explain that 70% of my energy goes purely towards trying to STOP ruminating. i said if i loathed myself i wouldn’t get up every day with such boundless hope that some might call it insane, and make myself nice meals even though i don’t think i deserve them because i “already wasted a bunch of time yesterday,” and confront the mirror every time i enter the bathroom even though it makes my limbs cold, because i believe in a future where i love my body even though i’ve never experienced that a day in my life. it is not my fault that watching my favorite cartoons fills me with fear that makes my chest so tight i can barely breathe. i have never given up, and will never give up, and i continue to smile even though something broken inside me that i *can’t control* makes me so scared to be alive that most days, i lose my memories and forget who i am for at least a couple hours. sometimes it lasts for weeks or even months. all the while i’m just trying to graduate. yep, what a privilege.

Username: zragonzragon

Date posted: 1y ago

I get this. I'm 32 and still behind because at the end of the day my OCD gets in the way halfway through anything. I feel like I'm not making progress because college takes too long, and wind up switching majors or dropping out. I didn't know I had developed OCD until recently. Even my supervisors think I just give up easy and get lazy periodically when the reality is my brain is screaming to just quit and walk away because I'm not the #1 performer. The struggle with your mother is that people have a weird idea of what OCD is. They don't understand that your brain is putting up roadblocks to stop you. You should make sure you school is aware of your OCD since you have memory issues, btw. They can help you through things and work out a good pace for you as well as give you financial assistance.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon gah i feel that. i have walked away from so much because i couldn’t bring myself to turn in imperfection. i have told her so many times to please for the love of god do some research and she says she doesn’t think google is going to present her a list of “sophia’s compulsions,” and it’s “not her job to be the mental health expert i’m looking for.” it’s sooooo patronizing it burns. she did agree this time to research for at least 30 minutes so let’s have hope. my school is frankly an awful awful institution. i have abusive dad who prevents me from receiving any financial aid. we don’t speak, but i don’t qualify for aid because of his income. i’ve tried hard to get aid and they flat out told me to graduate somewhere else. this was an ivy league school. i left that shiny degree behind because that place broke my brain so much worse that i didn’t turn in a single paper all semester. it’s embarrassing, the ways i’ve failed. all i had to do was write the paper, so it seems.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon thank you for your advice and kindness though, it is helpful. i have a habit of only responding to the parts of advice that i have pushback for and not the 90% of it that is applicable to me.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo If he’s abusive and you aren’t in contact why have you had to disclose his income on the form? Surely if you have no ties with him he shouldn’t even be on there.

Username: zragonzragon

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo If it helps, once you turn 24 they can't consider his income anymore. It might take time, but eventually you do get freed from them. I also struggled with my parents not wanting to financially support me but also making too much for me to get aid. It drove me right into the military to escape. Just keep doing things your way and eventually things will work out.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@thrutheweather the required financial aid form requires both parents on it unless you have no contact with the other parent. i have to contact him sometimes because my little sister lives with him and he has shut down all communication between her and i, and now and then i need things from him (ex., he still has my birth certificate). i’m not very old and i cut ties recently. financial aid office said my situation wasn’t “severe enough” to warrant not needing his information. it’s bullshit

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon god damn 🥲 that’s actually the most hopeful thing i’ve heard all week. it sounds like you came out of that mess ok, which makes me really happy. was it helpful to go to the military? did you get school paid for that way or did you just wait until you were older to go back?

Username: zragonzragon

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo You can request a copy of your own birth certificate at 18. No one can stop you! Also you can petition for child support from him if he doesn't live with you, even getting back pay if he wasn't paying your mother. You do what you need to so to be successful.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@zragon omg. i did not know that. holy shit. i’m 21, i don’t think i can get anything from him. he used to pay my mom child support but the money all went to pay for her court fees because he sued her into bankruptcy trying to take my sister from her permanently.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

Your mum shouldn’t behave like this but as someone who frequently goes through stages of feeling behind. There is literally no behind to fall into. Everyone’s life moves at different places and within those we all do and achieve different things. You can still graduate.. hell you might have a better experience this time round.. might change your course. Might get a better overall grade than if you did it the first time. I mean there is some self loathing going on but you have OCD and it’s debilitating so self loathe all you want but the advice I’ve been given too is that sometimes we get comfortable there. We only know the shame, guilt, self pity and regret so we grow comfortable there and when we push ourselves or simply do what we are capable of it takes a while to adjust. It IS uncomfortable. It IS exhausting. There will be peaks and troughs in your recovery but we have to start it and finish it or stick by what we’ve learned and apply it Everytime we have a little blip. —- your mum sounds a little like some of my family members and it also comes from a place of loathing. They don’t like seeing us the way we are as it upsets them or they pity us (which I absolutely hate but it’s true) but don’t know how to convey it and most of the time they don’t understand how debilitating it is. Don’t dwell on what your mum has said and if you do address her do it with facts and not personal emotions (they love to act like it’s just us or we’re over exaggerating). Send her articles to read. Studies of OCD’s effects but ultimately toss it by the wayside and focus on your recovery. I hope things get better for you and you graduate!

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

@thrutheweather Different paces***

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@thrutheweather you are so kind, thank you truly. you make a great point. i am getting to a place now where i am starting to do things right again, and you’re right, it’s terrifying. i am scared to jump back into my life. it’s completely uncomfortable and exhausting. when i do something successfully, i am unable to stop looking for evidence that there’s more to the story. i try to put it down harder than my mom would ever have to. then when i try to explain that it’s not so simple, she tells me to stop repeating myself.

Username: thrutheweatherthrutheweather

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo When she acts like that stop engaging and remove yourself from the situation.

Username: ocdhaver22ocdhaver22

Date posted: 1y ago

i’m there as well and it sucks so much there is no privilege at all in this and i genuinely do not wish this disorder on anyone at all.

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdhaver22 dude for real… i’d say not on my worst enemy but he has it too lmao

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdhaver22 also ur username is gr8 haha

Username: ocdhaver22ocdhaver22

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo i’m screaming lol i sometimes forget that this is not a rare disorder lol. thank you so so much i thought of it in the mist of having a very bad episode lol

Username: nandayonandayo

Date posted: 1y ago

@ocdhaver22 bahahaha well you didn’t lose your creativity in the wormhole. the person in question is my father, that’s why we both have it. people sure treat it like it’s rare i stg!!!! i tried to get disability accommodations at school and people act like i have some kind of bizarre affliction from another planet… as if it isn’t one of the most commonly mocked disorders in pop culture

Username: ocdhaver22ocdhaver22

Date posted: 1y ago

@nandayo omggggggg the way so many ppl mock it or know literally nothing about it i hate it. is OCD genetic?

Username: you.are.enough

Date posted: 3y ago

When I look at pictures of myself, I see a young woman who deserves a fulfilling life that is not dictated by OCD and anxiety. I feel sad that so much of my time, my energy, and my choices have been consumed by OCD. I spend so much time in my head, ruminating and worrying and trying so damn hard to figure out that one thing that my OCD urgently presses me to solve. Sometimes I don't enjoy things that I want to because I'm overwhelmed with my compulsions. I've struggled with this for years, and lately OCD has been telling me that the struggle will never end--that I'll never feel in control of my life. I know that this isn't true, but I'm so scared that it could be. My faith doesn't feel bigger than my fear right now. How do I change that? I don't want to live like this anymore. As I'm writing this, my OCD is telling me that I'm incapable of recovery, but I know I can recover. I deserve to recover. I'm in therapy with an OCD specialist outside of this app and I'm going to increase the frequency of my sessions from once a month to once a week because I deserve an amazing, fulfilling life. And to whoever is reading this, you do, too.

Relationship OCD

Username: scenic

Date posted: 1y ago

💭

I won’t lie; living off your baby-step progress is really hard. It’s not easy to achieve this in the first place, as it takes a lot of strength to do it. And knowing that these are just the most menial, basic things that a person does and are so difficult for you can be so hard at times. Life really does become quite small when you’re so consumed by this. Never mind the fact that you aren’t able to do the other tasks that need your attention and that your thoughts and mind are just rotting away. Real-Event OCD has definitely been the worst of my subtypes, even though I’ve had a horrible and rough time with my other subtypes as well. They’re all really difficult to deal with, but I was able to bask in the support that I received as it wasn’t something that I sought for myself. I didn’t ask for it, but I had to deal with it, so it was definitely easier to receive support from others. But knowing with Real Event, it’s all my fault and mistake is something I find really hard to accept and move on from. The shame and guilt are overwhelming. Wishing you could change things that can no longer be changed is so painful. Like many of you, I struggle with the thought that this isn’t my OCD, and I’m using it as a coverup to move on, which has been really difficult to deal with. The certainty just isn't there. I definitely feel strongly that I’m unique in my situation, so I definitely deserve this. And no one can relate to this here since I'm the exception. But I still sit with it and try to move on, as I won’t know. I try to say maybe or maybe not to it. It’s not easy. It’s on my mind every day, and I feel miserable even if I don’t show it. But I know deep inside that I want to strive to be a better person every day and to be compassionate with others. So that I can live for myself and my loved ones and be a positive influence on society. Right now, I’m not able to help people or others in the ways that I want, since I’m not in a place where I’ve helped myself enough to be able to do that. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to reach that place since it feels so far away from me. But I will never know. All I have is my present. And while I'm not able to make huge, great changes out of it. It's enough that I exist in the now. So I want to tell all of you who are struggling and are having a hard time in recovery that it's okay. At times we won't have the greatest of moments, but it's okay since you exist and matter, and that's enough in that moment. You can pick yourself back up and carry on like you always do. These are all moments of power and strength that you radiate with. It's hard now, and maybe it won't be that way in the future, but be kind to yourself for pushing through and taking a break when you have to. Dealing with all of these things can be really exhausting, so just be kind to yourself, like you would be to others.

Username: Cathrine

Date posted: 49w ago

Friends, how to express what's Pure OCD?

Today I met a good friend. I woke up with compulsive thoughts (suicidal, and I am NOT suicidal, so it's completely horrible; it takes over in every thought I am trying to think about my tasks- I am deeply sad and disturb about it, but ok- so used to it, so extremely used to it)- it's been happening every day for three decades as I at the same time been running a " normal life" so my friends find me entertaining, interesting, and they are all full of confidence in my plans, they take my sanity for granted - as I have trained myself to do- but after my cresendo in 2022 and finally breakdown January 2023 I been quite open about the diagnose I got from my doctor-I have OCD. Today I said honestly that my compulsive thoughts are more active again, and my friend, which I love and think she is wonderful- and then she suggest if I maybe have ADHD- and I answer that no, I have OCD, I have the correct diagnosis, and I an not doubting this. One of the good things in my life is that I am 100 prosent sure I have the right diagnosis- but- how to tell the truth?? My compulsions are internal ,and today I am struggling in every shift of the day, getting dresses triggers my compulsions, going to swim triggers, even if exercise helps after some minutes I have some good minutes in the water, then coming back home, starting to work on my projects that I am doing alone as I work alone, then getting dressed to meet my friend- all actions, getting dressed, getting a taxi,waiting at the restaurant, thinking about my future plans, every single thought triggers the compulsions ad if they where an Ecco, and then she arrives and I am enjoying it, but simultaneously my compulsions are Constantly in the background and they continue after we say goodbye. I go from the restaurant to my yoga studio- it's a 15 minute walk- each step I take comes with the suicidal thought: go shoot yourself, go hang yourself- arriving at the yoga- and it's so intense that I must stay flat on the floor the entire class and try to calm down my mind as I am feeling more and more afraid I will never get well, my life is over, it's getting worse and I am convinced my friend thinks I am making up my OCD. Now I came home and my significant other which I still hide 90 prosent from ask what's wrong and I start to cry, I can not tell, I feel certain he will think I am so nuts that it's not possible to live with me and as I write this I know how far fetched I am, and the fact that I write this and post it is my best moment today- because I am determined after I got my diagnosis: I want ro be completely OPEN- I refuse to drown in my shame and worry, I understand I can't help this, and I will do whatever it takes to become better abs better and rise awareness so it's possible for me to maintain my friendships, my relationship, my life. Thank you all for reading and sorry for my misspelling- I am just so greatful I came back to this app, to have somewhere to put this terrible life experiences is crucial now. Don't give up my friends with OCD! Keep going , we are getting there!

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