thoughts that feel so real as if they will happen

all day yesterday i was trying my hardest to avoid a thought and fear that is starting to come back again and i think i was able to just push it out that it kinda went away. while i was walking my dogs and smoking i had gotten the thought back in my head and felt the anxiety struck. i tried labeling this as just and intrusive thought and go on with my night. while i was eating a snack and texting my friend the thought popped into my head that i was trying to avoid so much and it felt so real as if i was going to do this or i guess like it came as an image so i saw myself doing this and i just started panicking completely. i felt my heart just drop and as i was able to calm myself down a bit from this by labeling it a thought, telling myself i’m fine and okay, and focusing on my breathing i ran to my room to get ready for bed cause i didn’t want to feel anything at all i didn’t want to go through this again. now that i woke up super early with my mind already playing the whole thing back and me trying to tell myself this is a thought and freaking out in my bed for about 2 hours i’m trying to figure out what now. like i’m sitting here asking myself did you want to do this, why did it feel so really like it was going to actually happen, and just completely spiraling in my head that i feel so slow and completely drained. i saw my mom and i usually get excited to see her in the morning but i just felt so disconnected and distant and i just want out of this completely. i also feel just so much disgust like why does your kind think this way or about this or any of it and i hate it and i’m trying to just stay calm and distract myself. i know this is super long and if you read it thanks i just didn’t know if anyone else feels this way or gets this way or am i just a monster and all alone in this. i hope ppl relate and i’m not all alone.

Girlwithocd99

Date posted: 2y

Is the recurring thought a fear that pushes you toward a compulsion? Or do you feel the urge to ruminate over the thought and “figure something out”?

ocdhaver22

Date posted: 2y

@OvercomingOCD624 both in a sense i have to consistently tell myself that i’m fine over and over again in my head. i also will sit there and think about the thought, the fear, and figuring it out in my head over and over again as well. now i’m worried that you’re going to say i don’t have OCD cause now i’m sitting here thinking do you sit there and try to actually figure something out and you telling yourself that you’re fine over and over again and that these are just thoughts not a compulsion and now i have lots of anxiety.

Girlwithocd99

Date posted: 2y

If you feel like you HAVE to do these things to get the anxiousness to go away.. then They seem like compulsions related to OCD to me. I, myself have had lots of “figuring it out” compulsions and I know how hard it is. It’s terrifying. If i could tell you one thing - hear me out - DO NOT try and figure anything out. Do not let your obsessions win. The “figuring it out” over and over again is a tactic that you are using to protect yourself against the terrifying thought. What if i told you, if you try to stop protecting yourself then the thought will also quiet down? Please check out Michael Greenberg’s website. He helped me immensely. Wishing you some relief 🙂

ocdhaver22

Date posted: 2y

@Girlwithocd99 thank you so so much it means a lot!! i feel like if i don’t tell myself this over again in my head to reassure myself then the anxiety won’t go away. even if the anxiety doesn’t go away completely i still have to do it to lessen the anxiety. my mind is always trying to see or figure it out and i hate it. this eases some of my anxiety and i will check him out. thank you so much for all of this.

Girlwithocd99

Date posted: 2y

You’re welcome! I promise you don’t have to do the compulsions to lessen the anxiety! Let go of your compulsions - it is hard, i know. It is actually terrifying at times, but It will make things easier. You are strong! You’ve got this!

Girlwithocd99

Date posted: 2y

If it feels like you HAVE TO figure it out - Don’t try to figure anything out. That is the compulsion talking. The quieter you are the quieter it will be.

ocdhaver22

Date posted: 2y

@Girlwithocd99 i really truly appreciate all of your words it truly means so so much and helps me a lot more than anyone can realize. i have been in a constant state of anxiety since last night and i’m journaling now which is helping ease the anxiety while watching my comfort show(gilmore girls). i appreciate you a lot thank you!!

Girlwithocd99

Date posted: 2y

You are so welcome!

blueberrybush3

Date posted: 24w

please anyone...

i didn't get a response so i'm reposting, i'd really like another persons perspective... idk if what i write will make sense but i am scared of my ability to prolong and intensify / increase the vividness of the physical and mental feelings and thoughts i am experiencing to the point i think since i am doing something willingly that feels so horrific it makes me a bad person who did actually something bad. especially when this has to do with sxual thoughts that i absolutely despise. idk if it's a compulsion but it almost feels unavoidable (is it a compulsion?) let me explain like once my brain feels/knows i'm extra scared to imagine and feel something i get this anticipatory anxiety that just won't leave me alone until i undergo / get through what feels like the most disturbing, vivid level of my own thoughts and feelings and i can control that to a degree where i hyperfixate on my sensations and thoughts and it plays out and prolongs which feels so awful and real and then i'm like hold up i really just did that intentionally i feel traumatized and so grossed out. esp if i hold my breath for some reason i noticed my bodily feelings and mental images are more vivid and i feel so guilty for it. i've done so many exposures and i can't get over this fear of my own ability to purposefully be able to think really hard and manipulate the intensity of my most darkest thoughts that it disturbingly impacts both my body and mind, physical and mental reactions. is this common? is it a compulsion? what am i doing wrong and what should i do.

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 17w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 12w

kind of a rough day

i’m trying to not let the thoughts bother me but it’s just so stressful. even me typing that feels like i’m lying when i know i’m not. i’m scared because even my therapist tells me that it’s just ocd, but in the back of my mind i slightly don’t believe her, and its making me scared that i AM like those people and im gonna act on something. sometimes in social moments i get a quick thought of me being an outcast because im like those people who are sick in the head and act on that stuff, and it just makes me feel like i truly am gonna eventually act on something. another thing that bothered me is earlier my mom yelled at me for not doing school work (it was well deserved im really slacking on it) and i had like no reaction to her screaming. it had me thinking what if i have no empathy etc etc, and what if i get mad that she yelled at me and i do something involving those thoughts. how do i TRULY know it’s ocd? like i try to remind myself and be like “dude, your therapist said it’s ocd, she isn’t wrong” but the back of my mind is like “she is wrong, it’s not ocd and she just happened to misdiagnose you. you are gonna act on those thoughts and it’s your fate”. please someone respond if you read all of this, im really struggling

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thoughts that feel so real as if they will happen

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