After finding out my boyfriend is married for the past 12 years and has 2 kids, I haven’t been eating or sleeping. My entire world just crumbled down. He was a pathological liar who professed deep love to me and wanted to marry me. Over time he became emotionally abusive and psychologically manipulated me where I was obedient to him and was isolated (we were expats in Dubai and when I lost my job I moved to his company accomodation in the outskirts where it is conservative and isolated). I had a mental breakdown which he reacted to with more abuse and sent me home to America temporarily, promising the space will fix our issues and he Skyped me up until a few weeks ago professing his love and doing sexy Skype calls. Randomly he lashed out and said he needs space and he resents me for the past fights. One day I made a new Facebook account to see if he lied about having a Facebook and he lied. He denied it all even when I found his wife’s Facebook. He said she was just s friend. When he realized I got him he then said he doesn’t love me anymore and has someone else. I was manipulated so much I thought he was lying to push me away. Then I found pics of his kids and showed him. He blocked me. After everything I don’t even get an explanation. I messaged his wife and she is divorcing him. After all that social isolation and psychological manipulation I’m back home still looking for work and broke and I think I’ve lost my mind.

I’m just full of emotions right now. I feel like I just want to explode. I broke up with my ex a week ago he keeps texting me saying I love you I don’t respond because I don’t pay no mind. What’s bothering me is why did I let this dude use me and I trusted him. He manipulated and used me and I have serious trust issues I never tell anyone what I go through because it’s not safe at all. I feel like I don’t want to trust a guy ever again yes I’m 19 and I’m still young and should date but I don’t have the energy anymore. I attract terrible men that use me and I cave in to easy because I’m lonely and my life is miserable and even doing the things I used to like feel like a chore. I told my sister this today and she said I should be patient that the right man will come to me. But I feel like even if he did I would reject him because I’m an easy person to take advantage of.

I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.

-Partner and I are still together since I found out 1 year ago. -he has been actively working on himself and has gotten therapy, and really doing well. Has done everything I’ve asked, and he’s a better person from therapy -OCD has flared from this trauma -we have been in couples therapy, and I’m in individual. -lately have been struggling with the feeling of just not feeling like enough, insecure, and needing constant validation that he loves me I’m really just trying to seek support from others who have been through similar, and are still in the relationship. Please don’t be rude. You really don’t know what it’s like until it happens to you. I said before it happened to me I would leave anyone that did that, and you really just don’t know until you experience it.