“What if I don’t have OCD at all, and I’m just in denial?” Read this: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342 An excerpt: “Many people are under the misguided belief that all thoughts have important underlying meanings. Those who struggle with the thought, “What if I am in denial and don’t really have OCD at all?” might believe that this thought represents some underlying truth trying to break through from their unconscious. But the truth is that the vast majority of our thoughts are not intrinsically important. The human brain generates an endless stream of thoughts, including some that are deeply bizarre and unnerving. Does it mean anything that I just considered sticking a banana up my nose? Some would have you believe that this represents some inner urge, or has some secret meaning that needs to be ferreted out. We would posit that this thought, like so many of its brethren, is merely an odd byproduct of being a human being with a functioning brain. Some people with OCD worry that accepting their diagnosis is somehow a “cop out”. This is particularly noteworthy as, in order for this to be true, an individual would have to mimic an extensive set of OCD symptoms of which they were previously unaware. Similarly, many people with OCD fret, “What if ‘deep down’ I know that this is my reality and I’m refusing to accept it?” We wonder where this “deep down” place is located, and would argue that it does not exist. One either knows something or does not.”

Thank you for sharing that, I loved it!!!

@Brooklyn33 “A common fear related to ERP treatment is the distorted idea that accepting the presence of gay thoughts in your mind somehow leads to a likelihood of acting out gay behaviors. This OCD logic has the sufferer in a double bind in which doing compulsions feels like a way to protect oneself from becoming gay, but at the same time actually fuels the obsession about one’s sexual orientation. When someone with HOCD stops doing the compulsions, they often see this as dangerously opening the door to unwanted gayness. This is not unique to HOCD, as it is an identical frame for the Harm OCD sufferer who worries that accepting harm thoughts will lead to violence, or the contamination OCD sufferer who worries that not washing will lead to contracting a terrible disease. It is important to remember, then, that ERP for OCD always feels like you are doing something wrong. This is because what you thought was right (compulsive behavior) is actually the source of the problem.” Source: https://ocdla.com/sexual-orientation-ocd-challenges-treatment-hocd-1978

I was literally thinking this right before I saw this post...thank you!

I don't know if this is denial or not. But I usually think that when my treatment will be over, and I discover I got zero anxiety about hocd, my thoughts will be stronger and I'll accept all of this. That deep shit scares me all the way, I just want to accept uncertainty and keep living like thoughts are just thoughts but is so hard...

Wooow, thanks. I needed this. Erp and "denial" is really uncomfortable for me too. To the point that when I see a woman I fear that I feel something else more than thinking someone is pretty or whatever. That makes me really confused about what is anxiety and what is desire too. I keep trying to not answer to this but I don't know yet how to be okay yet with the internal feeling/thought that keeps telling me everything is true. Thank you again :)

This was really helpful. Thank you ♡